Hope
by The Mad Hatteras
Summary: It isn't in Matthew Casey's nature to sit around and wallow in his own sadness. See how he works through the demise of his relationship with Hallie. His choice of distraction might surprise you. Some spoilers for existing episodes, possible Dawson/Casey as the story develops. First chapters are fluffy and sweet, Rated T for possible future action/intensity.
1. Chapter 1

Hope

Summary: It isn't in Matthew Casey's nature to sit around and wallow in his own sadness. See how he works through the demise of his relationship with Hallie. His choice of distraction might surprise you. A happy little bit of fluff (at least the first chapters) to put a smile in the softie's heart. Some spoilers for existing episodes, possible Dawson/Casey as the story develops.

A/N: My first fanfic... please be kind/gentle!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. I mean, I think I own this PC I'm currently using, but the apartment is rented, the vehicle I drive is still on payments… So NBC and the peeps there own all the rights to Chicago Fire. I just take 'em around the block for a joyride every once in a while.

I think I wanted it to be Hallie more than she wanted it to be her. Or maybe more than Hallie wanted it to be me. In looking back, I realize it was too easy for her to walk away, more than once. It was like she wouldn't fight for me, for us. I was discouraged and heartbroken, but my desire for something more kept me moving forward… kept the light of hope burning somewhere further down the tunnel I felt I was traveling in.

I was grateful that my connections through the department, and the variety of people I had met through work throughout the years, had given me the social connections I was now utilizing. There was no way I could walk into Hallie's hospital without someone telling her I was there. I just couldn't go there right now, not with where my heart was at.

So I made plans to go visit my new friend Elyse. The night we went out to celebrate my "first delivery", Bart - a fellow firefighter from a neighboring firehouse - introduced me to his wife, Elyse, who just happened to be a NICU and L/D nurse. She and I spent a lot of time talking that night, sharing heartwarming stories. She was probably old enough to be my mom. But the joy on her face as she talked about her job, and the families she got to work with, radiated the telltale glow of one who has been in the presence of many miracles. That's what she told me that night, as I shared my story of helping that precious little guy into the world… she told me I glowed like Moses coming down from the mountain… like someone who has been witness to a miracle. I certainly had, but until that moment, I hadn't thought of it like that.

I had been brooding for days since breaking up with Hallie. Working, but just going through the motions. Don't get me wrong, my head was in the game. It was so much easier to focus on a task at hand, than to think about how my hopes and dreams for a future with Hallie had just disappeared. Not even a smoke signal, just gone. I guess it's better to know now, than to make the commitment and find out later that she's going to singlehandedly sabotage my hope of having a family. I had been at a loss, and I'm sure it was necessary to grieve the loss of my dream for our future together. But I decided it was time to look forward. And time to take Elyse up on her offer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The maternity ward and NICU at Children's Hospital is a surprisingly quiet place. I don't know if it's soundproofing, or if they just don't have many customers today, but I was surprised by the lack of noise. I didn't have to look far for Elyse; she was standing at the nurse's station, a phone cradled between her ear and shoulder, and a baby cradled in the other arm. She acknowledged me with a wave, and ended her phone call.

"Lieutenant Casey! I'm so happy you decided to come!" she smiled, and I admired how grandmotherly her warm welcome was.

I smiled back at her. "Hey, it's not every day you get a personal invitation to volunteer at a place like this. I'm here to serve… what do you need me to help with?"

She showed me to a room just to the side of their nurse's station, and led me to a sink. "First things first, I'll let you wash your hands, and put a gown on over your clothes," she directed, pointing to the stack of light yellow paper gowns I had often seen Hallie don over her uniform in the ER. I obliged, as Elyse went to a baby bed and laid down the infant she had been holding. She came behind me to assist in tying the gown's strings.

"Your duties are really pretty simple. These babies need to be held and loved." I smiled, and felt a small lump rise up in my throat, which I did my best to hold back. "It's kind of a sad tale, but their mothers have given them up for adoption. Usually it's very easy to place newborns for adoption almost immediately; however, these are children whose birth fathers have not been identified or found, and therefore, their rights have not been legally terminated. The fathers *could* stake a claim, but they rarely do. However, couples who are adopting are very leery about taking home a child that they might not be able to keep. We have foster parents who will take them eventually, but many either have full homes, or age limits for the children they'll accept. So these babies get to camp out here, until DCFS gets the ball rolling."

I looked around the room, and counted six of the clear plastic hospital bassinets with infants in them. My heart sank, imagining the parents who had given them up. Were they sad? Relieved? Heartbroken? I couldn't imagine making the choice they had made. I looked back at Elyse and nodded my head.

"Okay… where do I start?" I smiled a little nervously.

She pointed to a really plush looking glider rocking chair. "See that chair? That's where most of our volunteers camp out. We try to keep the babies on a rotation, so they all get some love, but we also go with who's fussing the most. This little guy," she said as she walked to a bassinet, "has needed a lot of extra attention."

I walked to her side, and watched as she showed me how they swaddle the babies in a blanket, to make them feel more secure. She then picked him up and handed him to me. I was momentarily transported back to the tiny weight in my arms at the pile-up accident. So tiny, and yet so precious.

"Hey…" I said to the little person, who was indeed pretty fussy. But even as I gently swayed, moving toward the rocking chair, he started to settle down. At a small table by the side of the rocker, Elyse set a pacifier, a small towel, and a bottle of water for me. She explained what the burp towel was for, and I thanked her for the water.

"If you get tired of holding them, just take them back to their beds. If they need changing, you're welcome to help, but let me know, because we have to log everything they do." I nodded understanding.

"And if you want, we'll let you help with feeding them. There are a lot of bottles to go around, and it gets kind of busy in here when bottle time comes. We try to keep them on a rotating schedule, but it's a challenge some days, when they all want to eat at once." I smiled, and told her I'd be more than happy to help with that.

I sat with my new little friend, and began to gently rock. It was impossible for me not to start imagining what this would be like one day, with my own child. What would this little guy's future be like? Would he like to throw the football around? Or maybe he would be artistic, drawing all over with sidewalk chalk. Would he love reading? Or would he want to build things with blocks and Legos? It was incredible, imagining all the possibilities, and wondering what it would take as a parent to provide opportunities for your child to develop and grow, but not to limit them or box them into a chosen ideal because of what you did or did not offer them. I couldn't be burdened by the thought, I was only excited and inspired by the possibilities.

Hallie didn't want this with me. That still made me sad. But the more I thought about these children without families, the more I realized how important it was to have a family with someone who really wanted a family, too. It didn't take the hurt away, but it did help me realize that I'm probably not the only person my age wanting to have a family someday. It was daunting to imagine starting a new relationship with someone, but it seemed so essential to me. My task was clearer than ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When Elyse came by to offer me a break to get some lunch, I did a double-take. Had three hours already flown by? I just couldn't get enough of these little people. Feeding them, helping change them, and mostly just rocking them… I felt at peace. I was even entertained by their different sounds… one sounded like a squeaky dog toy when she cried. Elyse shared with me some of the science behind why they need people to just come and hold the babies, and how they need a human to connect to in their earliest days. It amazed me how much those first moments, those first days, can shape a lifetime.

I reluctantly returned my latest sweetheart (the squeaky one) to her bassinet, and promised Elyse I'd be back up after grabbing a bite to eat at the cafeteria. She joked that she wouldn't let my new friends wander off while I was gone. On my way to the cafeteria, I wondered if anyone would think it strange to have a man my age hanging around the babies as much as I was hoping I'd be able to hang around. At the same time, I didn't want to get too attached… I could see the drawback in that, as well.

After grabbing a sandwich and a soda, I was walking back to the elevators when I was startled out of my thoughts. I didn't even hear my name until I felt someone touch me on the sleeve. I turned to see the face of my friend and co-worker, Gabriella Dawson.

"Hey Matt!"

"Hey Gabby! What are you…"

"What are you…"

We laughed, starting to ask each other the same thing simultaneously. In answer, she pointed to a duffle bag slung over her shoulder.

"Swapping for some supplies for the bus… you?"

"I'm… ummm… volunteering." I smiled shyly. She raised her eyebrows in a pleasant smile.

"Really? That's great! I didn't know you volunteered here."

"Well, today's the first time I've come. I decided to take a friend up on her offer, and I've… had some free time lately. Too much time alone with one's own thoughts… not a good thing… you know…" I awkwardly nudged the toe of my shoe at an invisible spot on the ground. Smooth landing, Ace, I chided myself, realizing that not everyone knew about Hallie's and my breakup. It wasn't like I cared if Dawson knew or not, in fact, she was one of the people I would probably trust with that knowledge. I just didn't feel like dumping my gloom on everybody else.

"Yeah, I know how that can be…" she said quietly in reply. I looked up to see an expression of empathy. I'm not sure she knew, but I felt like – even with this brief exchange – she understood. This wasn't the first time I felt like Gabriella and I shared a special connection. I couldn't quite put my finger on it yet. But there were looks, and even a tone of voice, that seemed to be reserved especially for me. And when she shared those "just for me" moments, I felt something inside me soften as well… and draw closer to her.

"Umm, so… are you headed out?" I asked her, jostling my mind back to the moment at hand.

"No, just got here. I've gotta go up to their NICU and get some specialty supplies. Apparently we're short on some newborn supplies… don't know who would have used those anytime recently…" she playfully elbowed me as she proudly smiled, and I returned the grin. Another one that seemed to be just for us.

"I would just like to say, I used no supplies whatsoever, except the latex gloves I already had on me that night. Whatever's missing from the rig, it wasn't me," I teased back. "However, I am headed in the direction of the NICU, so if you'd like, I can show you the way," I gestured somewhat grandly toward the elevators. She laughed easily in response, knowing she was fully capable of finding the NICU on her own, but playing along.

"So you're volunteering in Peds?" Gabby asked as we rode up a floor.

"Ummm… I'm hanging out with newborns, actually…" and for some reason, this admission embarrassed me.

"Really!" She seemed pleasantly surprised, but not judgmental. I explained to her about meeting Elyse last week, and the offer she made for me to come volunteer. Gabby seemed almost choked up when I told her about the adoptive babies who were kind of "in limbo" with the system, and the care they needed.

"Casey, that's awesome. I just can't help but think you're the perfect person for the job right now. I mean, it's so weird… I don't think I would have thought that about you before the other night, but now… it just seems so right." Her eyes let me know her words were sincere. As we stepped off the elevator, I could already hear fussing coming from my new favorite room, so I headed in that direction, as Gabby and I parted ways at the desk.

"Stop by and say hi before you go," I invited her.

"I think I will, thanks!" she said with a smile. Her eyes held a glimmer in them… a reflection of my own excitement and joy, maybe.

I smiled to Elyse in greeting as I went to the sink to wash my hands. There was a beautiful picture on the wall above the backsplash, with a quite from Charles Dickens that read, "I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us." I found myself washing my hands for a long time, as I read the quote over and over. I felt something inside me shift; a peace came over me in that moment, that let me know I was right where I needed to be, doing exactly what I needed to be doing.

After washing my hands and re-gowning, Elyse greeted me with Princess Squeaker, who was in need of a bottle. I was rewarded with a few adorable squeaks on my way to the rocker with her. Once we settled in, she took to the bottle with a strength that surprised me for one of her pint-size. She also opened her eyes a little, which was interesting to me. I didn't think newborns had very good vision, but I was sure she was looking at me.

"Hello there, Squeaker… what do you think of this crazy world so far?" I paused, as if giving her a chance to really answer. "Have you met anyone interesting? Are the boys in the beds next to you being nice? We'll have to teach them to be gentlemen…" I carried on a one-sided conversation with her. I swear she would pause from her sucking whenever I asked her a question, and pick up again when I stopped talking.

"She likes the sound of your voice." I glanced up from my conversation to see Gabriella standing in the doorway, watching me with a small smile.

"You think so?" I asked pensively.

"Sure," she said gently as she quietly approached. "She looks at you, and she stops sucking to listen to you. And you can see that she's calm in your arms, not squirmy or fussy." I nodded at her observations, then chuckled.

"Oh, but Gabby, you should hear her fuss! I've already nicknamed her Squeaker, because she sounds like a squeaky toy when she cries," I was chuckling, just telling the story. Gabby joined my gentle laughter.

"Well, don't get her going just to prove it," she replied. She reached down to gently stroke the baby's fine hair with the backs of her fingers.

"They're so precious…" I said quietly, not really to anyone other than myself and the angels in the room. It was quiet for a moment.

"You know, you could become certified to foster these babies until they found homes, Casey."

I shook my head. "No way. I've already questioned how frequently I can do this, I'm already so afraid I'll get attached and then feel heartbroken when they go. I couldn't get that attached to them for an even longer time. Nope, when I have one, it's gonna be for keeps."

There was an awkward silence, and Gabby just nodded. "Well, you let me know how that goes, Casey," she said with a wry smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next day, I was checking O2 tanks and equipment at the fire house… which meant "boring and routine", which meant "wandering mind". I found myself reflecting on my day yesterday. It was great, but… I couldn't help but feel like my interaction with Gabby ended strangely yesterday. It seemed like we were connecting, and then she kind of abruptly left. I don't know. Maybe she realized how weird it was for a single guy like myself to be hanging out with newborns. And I was kind of going on and on about my future as a parent. That's been known to scare off more than just the average girl. Wait… what was I talking about? Why was I so worried about what Gabby thought of me? Or worried about scaring her off?

I was startled out of my thoughts by an object hitting me lightly in the back of the head. I turned to see what the offending object might be, and saw a small pillow sitting about two feet from me, and followed the line of trajectory to find Leslie Shay standing by the back ambulance doors. With a smirk, she latently yelled, "Fore!"

"Did you just throw a pillow at me, Shay?" I calmly responded, looking back down at my clipboard to mark my place. "That's so wasteful."

"Not a waste. Can't use it – it's been soiled," I heard her voice from inside the van.

"Wait… you threw a… SOILED... pillow at me? Soiled with what?" I asked somewhat incredulously.

"Okay, so not necessarily soiled – it was taken out of its hermetic sealing, but then wasn't used. We have to replace it before our next run. Don't worry, I didn't contaminate you with anything. That I know of," she added drily at the end.

I smirked in response, but eyed the square of fluff somewhat suspiciously nonetheless.

"So did you meet any cute girls yesterday?" Shay asked nonchalantly.

I'm sure she got more than I wanted her to from the startled look I gave her. Had she been inside my head just seconds ago?

"Rumor has it you're cradle-robbing… I've heard of picking up younger chicks, Casey, but the NICU? Really?" She was teasing, but it was also apparent she and Dawson had talked.

"Well, you know, a guy's gotta start somewhere, and you just can't meet nice women at church anymore," I teased back. Shay wandered in my direction.

"Listen, I don't mean to pry, but… I wanted to make sure you're doing okay. I mean, I know you and Hallie have been on the 'outs' before, and I never know if this time it's for good, or if you're just on a break, and I want to be here for you if you need me, but I don't want to push…" My solemn expression of appreciation for her concern melded into a grin as she picked up steam on her diarrhea-of-the-mouth express; a talent that no one had perfected quite like my friend Leslie Shay.

"I appreciate that, thanks, Shay. I… haven't talked to many people about it… partly because I don't want to dump, and partly because I feel like we *have* been here so many times before. But I have to say, I'm pretty sure I'm moving on this time. That's part of why I decided to do something different. The volunteer thing just came about, and I took the hint to take a different direction, to take a step forward. I guess, for now, I'm just seeing where it goes."

"Okay, well… you know where to find me. If you need a shoulder to cry on, a drinking buddy, a sparring partner…" we both chuckled at that, but I knew Shay was good for it.

"Thanks." I paused for a second, then continued. "Hey, you wouldn't know if…" I paused again, gathered my thoughts. "I'm assuming Dawson told you about my little adventure yesterday." She smiled and nodded. "Well, when she left, it was… kind of abrupt. I don't know if I offended her, if something upset her, or what the deal was. I just hope I didn't upset her."

Shay looked at me thoughtfully for a minute. "Well, she didn't say anything to me about being offended. I think… I mean she thought… I mean, I think she thought that… well, she wondered if you were still thinking about Hallie. She said you said something about still wanting to have your own kids, and you seemed really sure of yourself."

I was startled and surprised by this. "Yes, I was sure of myself, but not because I'm going to get back together with Hallie. In fact, that's one of the biggest reasons I'm sure now I'm NOT getting back with Hallie. I… I guess I needed to realize that I can still get married and have kids… with someone. Hallie doesn't want that."

Shay nodded at me, with an expression of agreeing that I had arrived at a solid decision. It was only at that moment that a lightbulb came on for me… and I could swear Shay saw it happen, because she grinned and nodded as she walked back to the ambulance. "Good for you, Casey. I'm proud of you."

The lightbulb? Yeah. Well, let's see… In that moment I thought, why would Dawson have reacted that way because she thought I was still thinking about Hallie? Because she was a caring friend who didn't want to keep seeing me hurt? Or…

*oh*

In my mind, I saw brief glimpses of me and Dawson… the looks, the tone of voice, that "just for me" grin…

*OH*

I know, I know… insert random "dense guy" joke here. I *had* experienced those feelings of drawing close to her, of my heart softening when I was around her. But I had had those experiences with Gabby when I was with Hallie, so I just thought… I just thought that's what our friendship looked like – a special relationship. It would take me some time to consider this new possibility. It wasn't bad – it was just different, and I needed time to ponder it.

A/N: Thanks for reading this far! I am new at this – my first fanfic! – so I haven't added author's notes much yet. But I do want to gather some audience input/feedback. This *might* be headed toward a Dawson/Casey union (y'all call that Dasey?)… and I have some ideas of what direction I can go. But I'd like some feedback – are you more interested in a drama/romance version? Or a hurt/comfort (possibly more medic action) version? Please R&R, and share your opinion on the direction with me! -MH


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Okay, I know I didn't establish much of a timeframe for this story, but it roughly follows the show's timeline. And here is one of my *minor* issues with the show at this moment: Have these people (the writers) ever *been* to Chicago around Christmastime? Dude, as my Brazilian friends would say, it is "muito frio" (ridiculously cold), and there's usually a bit of snow and ice! Which, in my humble Midwestern opinion, makes for great story lines! It's not like LA-LA Land… and yes, I realize they film months in advance and can't ask Mother Nature to change the seasons for their filming schedule. Buuuuuttttt… I'm gonna help them out with that particular issue in this chapter. Hee hee hee. So the setting update is this: it is a typical Midwest winter, where it's COLD in Chicago, and there may be snow. I haven't decided yet. I'll see you at the bottom, and we'll see where we end up. :) -MH

Chapter 5

We had barely loaded up the truck, and got called to our next fire. A cold snap had hit the Great Lakes area, and the less fortunate among us had once again opted for space heaters over paying a gas bill. Which I guess is fine, as long as they don't set them within 12 inches of curtains and set their place on fire. And that seems to happen a lot this time of year. Unfortunately, they often happen in lower-income housing units, with lots of people to rescue if things get out of hand. The last two hadn't required much more than extinguishers and ventilation. But we were a second alarm responder on this next call, with multiple levels of the structure involved, and multiple tenants to rescue.

We were on scene within five minutes of the last call, everyone exiting the trucks and setting up like clockwork. As I walked toward the chief for the other battalion we were joining, Dawson backed into me unloading the cart from the ambulance.

"Easy there, six-one…" I teased her as I walked past, and we smiled at each other. I hadn't had a chance to talk to her since Shay and I talked the other day. But we had a job to do at the moment, so I had to get on with work.

I checked in with the chief on scene, and he let us know where his team was at in clearing the floors. I let him know my team would head up to the third floor, and instructed my guys to set their radios so that we could communicate with both teams responding.

We needed our masks by the second floor, and we lost visibility just as quickly. We found several half-conscious victims on floor three, their coughs already very weak and shallow. The man I was attempting to assist probably out-weighed me by a factor of three or four. I struggled to get him to the stairs, his feet terribly unsteady beneath him. As I attempted to remove my mask, to share the fresh oxygen with him, he began to list toward me, and I lost the battle of maintaining my balance as well as his. Suddenly, we were half-sliding, half tumbling down the stairs. At some point, I tried to stop our momentum with my right foot, which didn't really work. When we hit the landing, I tried to roll out of the way of the falling man. Somehow, though, he landed on my right foot, forcing it in the opposite direction of my roll.

I know I was yelling, but the guy was still only half-conscious, and the startle of the fall down the stairs had him gazing around in a daze as if he were at Disney World. Thankfully, Cruz had seen our rapid descent, and rushed over to help me with the guy, who was probably better suited for Cruz's size. He gestured toward me, as if to help me, but I waved him on, doing my usual "I'm fine". Cruz helped the man down the last set of steps, and I grabbed my mask from the floor next to me, as it had come off in the fall. I was breathing hard, and needed the oxygen. It felt like fire was shooting through my foot. I knew it wasn't good, but…

Okay, you might not know this, but firefighters are notorious for not taking care of themselves. I mean, we do routine maintenance and upkeep really well – exercise, weight-lifting, healthy eating, regular check-ups – but we'd rather die in a fire than admit we've gotten injured. Sometimes you can't hide it. But if you can, you sure as hell try to.

I wasn't sure I was gonna be able to hide this.

Did I mention it felt like fire shooting through my foot?

Now, I've played enough sports in my life to know that, when the muscles in your leg start cramping and seizing up in response to whatever's going on in your ankle, you might have a problem. I am quite sure I was cursing, and anybody over the radio headset might have just thought I was trying to move something heavy. I scooted over to the flight of steps that led to the first floor, and put my feet down on the step, so that I was sitting. I grabbed the railing, gritted my teeth, and attempted to stand.

Okay, so whatever I yelled in the headset *that time* didn't fool anybody.

Not only did the feeling of fire intensify, I couldn't bear weight on my right foot. I knew several members of my team were calling to me, but I couldn't focus. Before I knew it, Hermann was standing on the steps in front of me. It took me a minute to pay attention and realize he was asking what was wrong, and could he help me.

"Lardo… landed on my… NNNGH! Foot!" I yelled through clenched teeth, pointing at my right ankle. It took him all of a split second to thread my right arm over his shoulder, taking my weight off my leg. As if we'd done this before, we made it down the stairs like a well-coordinated three-legged race team.

It shouldn't have surprised me to find Shay and Dawson halfway to the door by the time Hermann and I exited the structure. Hermann didn't hand me off to them, but helped me to the back of the rig. Shay wanted me on a stretcher, but I fought her on it. I sat to one side of the back end of the rig, and stretched out my right leg across the back, unceremoniously dumping my helmet and mask on the ground next to me. Hermann told them he didn't see what happened, but that I had said a big guy landed on my foot. I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath of fresh, cold outdoor air, attempting to clear my head, which seemed to be fixated on the throbbing in my ankle.

"Casey, did you…"

"Just give me a minute, Shay," I said in a strained voice. I was aware of Shay, Dawson, and Hermann mumbling quietly to each other nearby, but I ignored the sound. I continued to take deep, calming breaths.

I then felt a gentle hand touch my sleeve, and another rest on my left knee, rubbing lightly.

"Okay now, Matt?" It was Dawson. I opened my eyes, and found comfort in hers. I nodded.

"What happened? Can you tell me, so I can help you?"

I gathered my thoughts, and cleared my throat. "That big guy… I was trying to help him, we lost our balance, fell down the stairs. At the bottom, I tried to roll away, so he wouldn't crush me, but he landed on my right foot and turned it one way while I was rolling the other."

Gabriella winced, and gave my arm a gentle squeeze, where her hand had been resting on my sleeve. "And you can't bear weight on it?"

I gave her a look, raising my eyebrows at her. She chuckled.

"Okay I know, you guys don't sit down for anything, and you'd be up running around if you could. So here's what we're gonna do. Shay and I are gonna help you try and stand one more time. If you can't bear weight on it, there's a possibility you broke something. Which means you get to take a ride in the short bus with me and Shay." I cringed. Gabby delivered her words – which I already knew to be protocol – with a gentle smile, but firm tone. She wasn't going to let me sneak out of this one.

A/N: Okay, so not a LOT of winter weather yet, but it was essential for the setting, in terms of the fires. Unfortunately, it is one of the most common causes of fires at this time of year in colder climates. I know I kinda left in the middle of the story, but I want to sleep on it, decide where I'm going. Please R&R – they really help! -MH


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Snow comes in very handy when one is injured on a worksite. Dawson and Shay just bagged it up in some plastic bags, and packed them around my foot and ankle, still resting on the back of the rig. We were staying at the site as long as we could, since my injury was not life-threatening, so Shay and Dawson could triage the victims and send them off in other ambulances. I had manned up and let them remove my boot – which thankfully could be unthreaded to allow greater ease of removal – but the stabbing pain and flare of cramping still made me want to punch someone. My team had completed evacuation of the building, and the first team was managing the hoses and water cannons, so between packing up gear, my guys kept coming over to harass me.

"Yeah, the last time Mills made chili, Casey rode back with the Chief," Hermann recalled. "I told the guys it was because of Mouch's bad gas. Now I'm startin' to think I was right… Mills made chili again last night. Didn't he Casey?" He was teasing, but it was still frustrating to be sitting here while my team did all the work.

As the guys walked away again, Hermann hollering something at Mouch about gas, I felt myself laughing through my frown. Gabby noticed my mixed emotions. "Hey, he's just messing with you, Casey," she reassured me. "Deep down, he really does care," she smiled.

"I know," I exhaled. "I just feel so… stupid. I mean, I feel like a clumsy kid who trips and falls and breaks a toe or something," I tried to explain, glancing up at her. Her eyes were soft with comfort and understanding, as they so often were.

"Grapefruit, Casey. Your *ankle* is the size of a really big grapefruit right now, not your toe. And you and I both know you didn't trip. I saw the size of that guy before the other ambo took off with him to get him treated for smoke inhalation. You saved his life… he was still pretty altered when he came out with Cruz. He might not have had much more time in there. It's not tripping when the guy lands on you. So stop beating yourself up. I know you guys don't do injury or downtime well, but… hang in there." I nodded at her reassurance, and managed a small smile, which she returned. It was then that I remembered my conversation with Shay the other day. Well, maybe I'd get some time to talk to Gabby today. Alone.

"Okay, we're done here. Let's load up," Shay announced, after talking to the chief who had been in charge of the call. "Ready to go for a ride, Casey?" she asked me with a smile.

"Nah, I'll just catch a ride with Squad, if it's all the same…"

"Fat chance, Grapefruit," Shay shot back, picking up the bags of now-melted snow. "And, protocol says, you ride the cart." I frowned, tilted my head to one side, mouth slightly open in disbelief, but Shay crossed her arms and gave me a look, daring me to challenge her. And Dawson popped up next to her, the same look – and crossed arms! – letting me know they were in charge here.

Our ride to the ER was brief, thankfully NOT to the hospital where Hallie worked… that would have been a whole different nightmare. Much to my chagrin, Gabby had started an IV on the way. They both knew I'd argue, so when the order was given en route by the ER attending, Shay turned up the radio so that I knew it wasn't Gabby's call. I didn't know if I was more irritated with the IV, or worried about what might be so wrong that I'd need one.

"Trust me, when the pain meds come, you'll be glad to have this," Gabby told me as she taped the heplock in place. She actually was very good… my ankle still demanded much more of my attention than any needle stick.

It was strange entering the hospital as the person *on* the gurney, listening to my colleagues give the detached clinical report on *me*, rather than some random stranger we were helping. Dr. Eilers, the attending, quickly greeted me, as it was obvious I was conscious and could speak for myself.

"Welcome to County, Lieutenant," he said politely.

"Thanks," I nodded in acknowledgement.

"Can you tell me how your injury happened?" And we were off on yet another telling of the story. I was impressed how quickly everything happened; I wasn't sure if this was normal for them, or if they gave the royal treatment to first responders. I hoped not, I didn't want to be treated any differently than any other patient. Ugh… is that what I was now, a patient? Great…

I was grateful that I had made it through several tests, and no one had made me change into one of those skimpy gowns. Shay and Dawson had already helped me strip off my gear, so I was just in work pants and a long-sleeved thermal shirt after someone helped me with my coat. I wondered if Shay and Dawson were still here, or if they had packed up and left. A strange pang of loneliness hit me with that thought.

But everyone had been shuffled out of the room when x-rays were taken of my leg and ankle. I was pretty impressed – the all-digital system allowed them to take the images in the same treatment room I had initially been assigned to. A lab tech had come to draw blood, which was also apparently standard protocol, although I didn't know why. I figured any time there was a workplace accident, they had to rule out intoxication of the employee, but that was just a guess.

After the x-rays, and some of the gymnastics they had wanted me to perform for them, my ankle had cranked the fire back up again – it had dimmed to a dull throbbing before that. They explained they couldn't give me anything until they knew the doctor's prognosis, but they did elevate my right leg, and packed more ice around the swelling, which did look pretty obnoxious.

The great part about the technology was that there was a lot less time to wait. Dr. Eilers came in to let me know that they were just waiting on a consult from an orthopedic surgeon, who would be in to talk with me as soon as he could. My expression must have been a startled one, because he quickly responded, "Doesn't look like any broken bones, though." This just left me more confused.

As Eilers was about to exit the room, he held the door open, and in came Gabby. I smiled in relief to see her… which was a little strange to me, how comforting the sight of her was just now.

"Man, are *you* a sight for sore eyes…" I blurted out with a sigh, not really regretting the drivel, as I got a thousand-watt smile in return.

"Having a rough time?" she asked as she approached the side of the bed.

"Just confused. Eilers just said there would be an orthopedic surgeon coming in to consult on my x-rays. But then he said there weren't any broken bones. Does that make any sense to you?"

"Well, yeah… even if you didn't break anything, the swelling – and the fact you couldn't bear weight – tells us there's *something* going on. And an ortho is the one who would treat that," she explained calmly.

"Okay, but why a surgeon?" I hadn't even let myself think how long this injury could take me out of work yet, but surgery? I really didn't want to think about that.

"Well, there are other things that orthopedic surgeons repair, including tendons and ligaments. Don't worry, Casey… I'm gonna be here. We're not gonna leave you stranded." She smiled gently at me. Did I mention her presence was fairly calming to me?

"Thanks. Yeah, I had wondered if you and Shay had packed up and left…"

"Are you kidding? With this great excuse to avoid *real* work?" We both chuckled. "No, we re-stocked supplies, completed our paperwork, and that was pretty much the end of the shift. I told Shay she could head back, cuz I'm stayin' here." She smiled shyly at me, and gently put a hand on my forearm. I looked at her thoughtfully, then returned a gentle smile.

"I'm glad," I replied quietly.

There was a comfortable quiet moment, where we seemed to just absorb the shift in our relationship… unsure of what the shift was, but certain that something was changing. And whatever it was, I liked it, so far.

A nurse came in, nodded silently to us, and placed a small silver tray filled with labeled syringes on the counter. I felt my eyes fly open, and shot Gabby a look that screamed, "What are THOSE for?"

"Calm down, Casey," Gabby said with just a hint of laughter. "If you'll recall, I believe the good doctor promised you something for pain once things were diagnosed. Maybe that's a good sign, maybe he's on his way. She patted my forearm gently, where her hand still rested. Suddenly, I had a random thought.

"Hey… how are we gonna get back? To the station, I mean?"

Gabby raised her eyebrows. "Casey, do you really think you can get injured on the job and not have the whole crew here by end of shift? I think we'll have more than enough chauffeurs…" I rolled my eyes, smiling and nodding. She was right, we would have visitors.

It was then that another doctor entered, this one tall and young-looking. He walked right up with a genial smile, and shook my hand. "Lieutenant Casey, I'm Dr. Jacobs. Sorry to meet you under the circumstances, but pleased to meet you nonetheless."

"Thanks, same, Doctor."

"So, I've gotten a chance to take a look at your scans, and I'd say you have a little bit of a mess. One of our challenges is, with all the swelling, it is difficult for us to see clearly what's going on in there. But there's some misalignment which is pretty typical with torn ligaments and tendons. Let me ask you a question, are you having any muscle cramping in your calf?"

"Yeah, off and on," I acknowledged. As he spoke, he pulled back the sheet that had been covering my feet.

"Okay, well that kind of confirms what I'm thinking. I'm fairly sure what we're dealing with, but I've gotta do a few diagnostic tests first, just to make sure." He gently lifted my lower leg and removed the prop that it had been elevated by. He set my right foot on the bed, with my knee bent.

"Alright, here's what I'm gonna do. I want you to just relax, and let me do the work. I'll tell you right now, this kind of feels like crap, it isn't the most comfortable test we do, but its quick, and the pain meds are right there," he said, nodding in the direction of the small tray the nurse had brought in. Gabby smiled just a little bit of a "see I told you" grin at me.

Before I could think too hard about what might be happening, I felt Dr. Jacobs' hand on my shin bone, just above my ankle, and his opposite hand gripping my heel. He pulled my heel toward him, while firmly pressing my shin bone toward me. The most unsettling feeling occurred, as bones clearly slipped in directions they were not meant to. The shift wasn't painful, but my ankle's attempt to return to "normal" set the fire burning at about ten-thousand again. I bit back a groan, but was unsuccessful in containing the rising growl from my throat. Within seconds of Dr. Jacobs releasing my leg, the cramping in my calf started with a vengeance, and that's when the real pain began.

"Aaah! What the hell!" I cried out, grasping my calf in a futile attempt to stop the muscle spasms.

"Sorry, that's part of the test," the doctor apologized, as he swiftly moved to the tray of medications and double-checked the label on the syringe he picked up. "If I tell people too much ahead of time, they try to compensate, and it doesn't work. But the good news is," he continued as he (thankfully) slipped the syringe into the port along the IV tubing and dispensed the medication, "You have just had a positive result. Which means I know what's wrong now, I know how to treat it, and most importantly of all, you can have some pain medication." He smiled as he tossed the syringe with a flourish into a sharps bin.

"You have what we call a torn ATFL. It's a ligament that attaches to the front of your shinbone, and the other end attaches to the front part of your heelbone. It's a pretty tough ligament to tear, and usually takes a severe sprain, where the ankle is violently twisted." I thought of that big guy landing on top of my foot… yeah, I guess you'd call that violent.

"So… what does that mean? Does that heal on its own?" A torn anything didn't sound like it was going to heal on its own.

"No, they don't do very well on their own. There is actually a really easy arthroscopic procedure that we do to repair torn ATFLs. You'll have to take it easy for about three weeks, and should be back up to speed in about six."

Wow. Surgery. Off for three weeks, maybe six. Hadn't thought about that yet. Wait…

"Three weeks? That seems really quick for recovery after surgery. I've had sprains that didn't heal that fast."

Dr. Jacobs smiled. "Well, we've got some tricks up our sleeve that really help things out. We don't leave the surgical site without dumping a bunch of cortisone in there, which really decreases inflammation and speeds recovery. Plus there's a hands-on technique that I've been trialing with a handful of patients, that seems to provide a much better and faster recovery than conventional treatment. So we'll figure this out, and get you going again ASAP."

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Gabby was there, still waiting patiently, still with her hand gently resting on my forearm, and watching my reactions like a child studying nature. I was so glad she was here, and I really just wanted to ask this guy to give me a few minutes so I could talk to her. I needed a minute to just think.

A/N: Okay, so that was a LONG chapter! Sorry… I just can't seem to cut down the details when writing medical stuff. Blame it on too many years of watching ER and House! (Or it might have something to do with my job in RL… *might* work at a hospital and hang out with waay too many medical types!) I'm trying to get all the technical stuff out of the way so Casey and Gabby can PLAY! And his time off may allow him to hang out with the babies a little more… don't worry, I haven't forgotten them! I just take a long time to get there. I'd love your Reviews… they really keep me motivated! -MH


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Okay, haven't disclaimed anybody in a while so…

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any rights to Chicago Fire, the actors or the writers, or anything else for that matter. I just take them out like action figures and play with them every once in a while… (no leaving them in awkward/naughty poses, either! That's just nasty!)

Chapter 7

I was hearing all Dr. Jacobs' words clearly, but felt myself as if I were suddenly very physically tired, sinking into the bed, but still wide awake. It was a little strange, and the sensation must have registered on my face.

"You're probably starting to feel the meds I gave you," Jacobs explained with a slight grin. "That's just the muscle relaxant, to stop the cramping. Of course, it affects pretty much every other muscle in your body, so you'll start to feel really relaxed. I've got some good pain meds for you as well, but they make most people pretty sleepy. So I wanted to come in and talk to you about the important stuff before I clouded your judgment too much."

"Ah," I acknowledged with a delayed nod. I didn't know whether to be irritated that my body wouldn't keep up, or laugh at how silly I must appear. I thought about if it were any one of the other guys – and believe me, many of them had had their day – it's a tradition to tear the mickey out of whoever is doped up during recovery. I think the last one was Hermann, and he's a tough one, because he's usually pretty funny, so there's not a lot of difference. But we usually try to get him to pronounce words that he messes up, and that's fun.

Gabby had still been watching me, her eyes lighting up just a bit with amusement as she watched my facial expressions change. She must have sensed my delayed response, because she jumped in to ask some important questions… ones I had been thinking of, but just hadn't asked yet.

"So will he need to stay here? How soon will surgery take place?"

"Good question," Jacobs responded, without missing a beat. "You're not in a life-or-death situation, but at the same time, we want to get you on the road to recovery sooner rather than later. And the longer we leave it untreated, your body is going to start trying to heal itself incorrectly. I'm going to double check my schedule, but I can probably get you in Monday or Tuesday. So we'll send you home in a boot over the weekend, with some pain meds and such, and then we'll get you back here first of next week to fix this bad boy." Good, I thought. I didn't want to stay in the hospital tonight… I really just wanted to go home and lie around on my own couch.

"And then," Gabby continued, "How long of a stay is that? Does he need… family… or someone… here for that?" I wasn't sure where she was headed with that question, but it suddenly occurred to me that Jacobs was answering her questions in a way that was usually reserved for family members. I wondered what relation he assumed us to be to one another.

"Well, to back up a bit, Lieutenant Casey, do you live alone, or with… someone?"

"I live alone." Since Hallie moved out. Thankfully. But then again, I was about to run head-first into some challenges of going solo.

"Right. So, I'm gonna recommend you have some help, at least over the weekend. Being that it's your right foot, driving is out." Ugh. I hadn't even thought of that yet. Great.

"You're going to be somewhat limited in your mobility as well, so an extra set of helping hands might come in handy. And last but not least, the two prescriptions I'll send you home with over the weekend are some heavy-hitters… I don't want you alone when you're taking them. Most folks just sleep through them, but I had one guy with a seriously shattered limb get up and try to sleep-walk, and was totally unaware of what he'd done until his roommate came home and found him on the floor. Not to scare you… they're prescribed for a reason, it's just better to have some company to help out."

"No problem," I smiled lazily in response. "I have a whole family back at the firehouse, and I can't get them to leave me alone most days off." I was about to laugh at myself, as my speech was definitely slowing down, and slurring just a bit. But I managed to get the coherent thought out.

Gabby laughed and patted my arm. "He's not kidding. We were just talking about how the whole crew will be hanging out in your waiting room before the night is over."

"Ah, gotcha," Jacobs smiled knowingly in response. "ER's not much different. We work together, but we play together, too, and we've got each other's backs. It's good, especially for those of us who live pretty far away from family. My folks are back in Oregon, so it's good to have that 'second family' around."

"And, the surgery?" Gabby prompted.

"Right. It's a really simple procedure, we're usually done in a couple hours. Barring complications, you go home the same day. No overnight stay required. But, again, you'll need someone to come with you, take you home, and watch out for you the next few days. The good part is, people start feeling better pretty quickly after the surgery, and the muscles won't be spasming like they have been, so you can dial back those heavy-hitters pretty quickly. Then we'll get you started with PT and another therapy I recommend, and you'll be surprised by how quickly you progress."

Jacobs walked over to the counter behind my head, and Gabby leaned in and made eye contact with me. "That doesn't sound too terrible, does it Casey? I mean, I think between the team, we can get you somebody to stay with you for the next few days. We can take shifts or something," she smiled warmly.

"It sounds a lot better than what I initially expected, that's for sure," I drawled. Yes, it sounded like a drawl. But I plowed ahead. "I'm just glad I get to go home tonight. I was worried I'd have to stay."

Jensen brought the tray of medications on a little table stand next to the bed, and sat on the stool next to me. "Okay, any more questions? I want to make sure I answer them all before I give you the good stuff…" he smiled.

"Yeah, when can I go home?" I looked to him, turning my head slowly to the other side of the bed opposite Gabby.

"Well, as soon as I give you this medication, we're gonna watch you for a while. Whenever we administer both pain meds and muscle relaxers, we have to watch folks to make sure there are no allergic reactions, and also to make sure you don't suppress your breathing too much, or anything like that. Usually, after an hour or two, if we can rouse you enough to get you home, we'll let you go home and sleep it off there. We just have to make sure everything's A-OK with the meds first."

"Sounds good."

"Any other questions?"

"Will we… know when his surgery is before we leave tonight?" Gabby asked.

"Yep. While the good lieutenant here is taking his nap, I'll check with the OR scheduler and get you the info before you leave."

"Great," Gabby replied. I smiled at her, and felt a chuckle bubbling inside me.

"What?" she asked.

"Yes, Madame Secretary, could you please manage my affairs for me while I'm otherwise indisposed?" Okay, that was slurred. Even my laugh was at slow-speed.

"Yeah, Casey. I've got your back," she responded with a smile, acknowledging my teasing. "Secretary… honestly…" she whispered under her breath.

"Alright, Lieutenant Casey, for the record, on a scale of one to ten, where would you say you're at right now with that ankle?"

I thought about it. The muscles had stopped cramping, which was good. I probably would have said "9" right after that little test he did. So it was better, but I could still feel the fiery pain radiating through my ankle and my foot.

"I'd say about a 6 right now," I said.

"Umm, let me just point out that that's firefighter pain scale, so if we adjust for their bullshit and average in a normal person, it's probably closer to an 8," Dawson quipped.

Jacobs laughed. "Probably more than just a speck of truth in that statement. Don't worry, Casey, you're in good company… doctors are just as bad. Now, just so you know, when you wake up, you're gonna have a boot on that foot. Have you worn an air-cast boot before?" I shook my head in the negative.

"Well, depending on the injury, they're made to walk in. But I don't want you bearing any weight on your foot until after the surgery, got it?" I nodded in response. "It's handy because you can take it off to bathe or shower, or change socks, that kind of thing. But no walking. Not yet."

"You're not going to probably be up for walking when you leave tonight, so they'll get you to your car in a wheelchair, but we're sending you out of here with crutches. I'll also send those prescriptions I told you about, once we make sure you're not going to react to these meds. I don't want you to be startled if you wake up and have oxygen on… that's just protocol here if your respirations or O2 sats get too low. But so far, so good… the muscle relaxant is the one we find most challenging where that goes, and you're doing fine with that."

I nodded. "Okay, doc, let's do this." I didn't want to be rude, but I really wanted to get this show on the road. And I really wanted to talk to Gabby, but I had a feeling I wouldn't be awake much longer. Would it be too forward of me to just ask her to be the one to stay with me? That'd be asking a lot, wouldn't it? Would I ask Severide? Or Hermann? It didn't seem the same, though…

"Alright, meds are… in," Jacobs commeted as he dispensed the medication into my IV. Gabby was right, that IV really did come in handy.

"I'll be outside at the desk, making some phone calls, if you need anything," Jacobs said, as he clipped the pulse-oximeter onto my left index finger.

"Gabby's a paramedic, I'm in good hands," I said as he went to leave.

"Awesome! I'll let the desk know they can have the night off!" he smiled.

"Hey, yeah, that's… NOT gonna happen," Gabby replied in her playful-but-I'm-not-kidding tone.

I watched Jacobs exit the room, then drew my eyes back to Gabby's… I could feel my traitorous eyelids already fighting me on staying open.

"Alone at last… I didn't know if that guy was ever gonna leave…" I said, only half-kidding.

Gabby laughed, and her eyes had that sparkle in them again. "He seemed pretty nice, as surgeons go," she said.

"As most of the medical profession goes, yeah. No, he seemed nice. I just felt like… like I needed to talk to a friend about it… process what was happening in my brain, you know?"

She smiled warmly. "Yeah, I know the feeling… just wanting someone to tell, to help you figure out what to do, how to respond, what to do next…"

"Yeah, that," I replied drowsily. "Man, I'm feeling droopy. Or is it loopy?"

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about… Casey's feelin' no pain now, are ya, Matt?" she was smiling, and having just a bit of fun at my expense.

"I can't think long enough to figure out if I have pain. Hey droopy and loopy rhyme. You know what else rhymes with loopy? Soupy. You make really good soup, don't you, Dawson? I heard you made some killer soup for Hermann when he was off…" Yep the random drivel of drug-induced silliness had officially taken over my brain. But instead of feeling exposed, I felt strangely protected by Gabby. Because for as much as I knew she and I were sharing this fun little moment, I also trusted that she would not let the guys give me a hard time right now. And as my brain continued to wind thicker and thicker fibers of cotton candy, I felt a warmth envelop me, as if she were hugging me.

"You're silly, Casey. I don't think I've ever heard you comment on rhyming words before."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," I slurred, feeling a drunken momentum well up behind me. "And I hope you'll make soup for me. And I hope this stuff isn't that truth serum stuff, because if it is, I'm screwed…" I knew I was rambling, and my eyes would no longer agree to stay open.

"Really! What secrets are you keeping, Casey?" I could have sworn I felt her breath on my ear, was she leaning in to me? I internally negotiated with the muscles which controlled my eyelids, but they refused to cooperate.

I involuntarily shivered, as my brain registered what it would feel like to have her whisper in my ear and breathe on my neck. I wanted to tell her all my secrets, I wanted her to curl up in this bed with me and take a nap. Well maybe not *this* bed, but…

"Mmmm… secrets… yes…" I was unaware of my hands moving to grasp hers, unaware of my gathering her forearm up like a teddy bear to snuggle with, pulling her hand along with mine under my cheek to rest upon. "Just for you, Gabby. They're especially for you. I'll tell you… tomorrow…"

It would be a few hours before I learned about what all I said and did on my trip to dreamland.


	8. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

A/N: To my dear faithful readers – fear not! An update is in progress! However, its nearly 1am here, I just got home from the last of five worship services at our church, where I was in charge of costuming the live nativity for each service. As the Norwegians say, Uff Da! So I am going to beddy-bye, and hopefully after Santa visits all the little children, I will have some 1 on 1 time with my PC, and you will have a Christmas gift from me, aka Chapter 7! To those of you who celebrate Jesus' Birthday with me, may you have the joy and peace that only comes from the Light of the World! And to all my dear readers, Happy Holidays, and please be safe! - The Mad Hatteras


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Merry Ho-ho! Up to this point, I've been writing in first-person Casey point of view, but this chapter somewhat necessarily shifts to third person. So the imaginary omniscient camera in the room gets to watch and narrate what takes place. Hope you enjoy! and don't forget to send me a little Review action! -MH

Chapter 8

Dawson allowed Casey to take her hand, and held his gently as she watched him wrestle with trying to stay awake, and trying to filter his now free-roaming thoughts. She hated seeing any of her boys injured, but she felt a sudden rush of thrill as she realized she could spend some time openly admiring her adorable Matthew Casey. Her heart had hurt for so long, watching his ups and downs with Hallie, not just because it was where she wished she could be, but because she really didn't like seeing him hurt as often as he did. She knew he held a lot inside. But she could also read his interactions with the team at the firehouse, and it always gave her a peek into what was going on in his personal life.

She heard the monitor beep, and noticed that his O2 sats had dropped to 94. Not terrible, but she watched his chest rise and fall, and could see it was very shallow. She patted his hand and rubbed it gently.

"Hey Mister, don't forget to breathe…" she prompted gently. His eyes fluttered open, and he appeared a little startled and took in a good gasp of air. She smiled back at him.

"Hey. You're still here," he said, as if he was surprised by the fact. She laughed, because the doctor had just been in the room thirty seconds ago.

"Yes, Matt, I'm right here. And I'm gonna stay here, so don't worry, okay?"

"Oh good…" A blissful, peaceful grin came across his face. His words were a little slurred, and his eyes were unfocused and only open half the time. "I'm glad. Cuz there's things we need to tay… salk… stalk about… do you even unnerstand this?" He attempted to focus on her face.

She chuckled lightly. "I'm tracking with you… so far… but we don't have to talk right now, you can tell me later. Just rest," she said, gently rubbing the back of his hand with her fingers.

"Mmmmm… that feels really nice. Your hands are so warm. How do you do that? It's so cold outside."

"Well, we usually wear gloves…" she played along.

"But that's just you… you're so wonderful and warm… you're always warm. Evvvven when I'm be… been… bing… " He paused, and she thought he might drift back to sleep. But then he sighed and started again. "I can't say it. My face won't work."

Gabby snorted a laugh, and Casey smiled in response.

"But sometimes I'm not nice. And you are. You're always nice. And I just want you to know, I figured it out. I know it didn't seem like it before, but I came to my scents. Senses. Yeah, that." He paused to take a breath.

"Oh Casey, come on… you're nice. And we all have our bad days, trust me, I'm not always nice, either."

"Well nicer than me most of the time. But that's because I was conf… confru… I didn't understand. But now I do. Hallie sucked. She just wasn't the right one. And I didn't want to be wrong. I felt like I was falling. Flailing. F…AILing." Dawson was trying so hard to be understanding, but watching the usually meticulous Matthew Casey stumble over his words was priceless. She couldn't help but continue to giggle.

"You felt like you'd be failing if Hallie wasn't the right person for you?" she repeated back to him.

"Yes, that! Thank you. See, I knew you'd get it…" He continued to peek at her through half-raised eyelids. "So that's why… come here…" he pulled gently on her hand, as if to try and get her to come closer, but he suddenly became distracted by the oximeter on his finger. "Hey, what's this…"

"No no, leave it, Matt… You're okay. Just leave that."

"But it's in my way…"

She chuckled again… the giant finger clip in the way… of what? She couldn't imagine the silliness going on inside his head at the moment, but was finding it pleasantly entertaining.

"No, it's okay. I'd really like it if you leave it on for now. For me?"

He gave her the sappiest sleepy grin, "Okay. For you, yesssss."

"Matt why don't you try and rest now…"

"Okay, but first I have to tell you. Just listen…" and he paused long enough that she thought he had fallen asleep. But then he started up again. "I just wanted you to know that it was you. It was you who gave me hope. Hope that I didn't frail.. flail… you know. And it's gonna be good. Whatever's next, I mean. Cuz maybe you'll find out what it is with me."

"What what is, Casey?"

"What's next."

She smiled. She knew that he might not remember everything he said, but she did know that most people had no ability to be dishonest under the influence of these particular pain meds… they lost that "filter". So whatever it was he was trying to say, it was coming from his heart. And for as much as she wanted to hear more – that young girl suffering from unrequited love deep down inside, starving for more – she knew that the sooner Casey slept this off, the sooner they could get out of here.

"Casey I want to find out what's next, too. But first, you have to get some sleep. Okay?"

"Mmmm… Okay," he agreed groggily, still trying to make eye contact with her through half-shuttered lids.

"Let's do this. You just listen to me for a few minutes, and I'll help you get to sleep, okay?" His eyes came open just enough, and with great effort, he raised his eyebrows at her. She laughed.

"Come on, trust me. Close your eyes. Now I want you to make that pulse-ox happy and take some deep breaths… that's it," she said gently as he followed her commands. "Now, just think about your breathing, and let yourself relax. That part of you that feels tired and wants to sleep, just follow it. I'm going to be right here, you're safe. Just relax and let yourself rest." Her voice was a soothing, gentle tone. At the same time, she had been gently brushing the back of his hand and his forearm with her fingers. She reached up with one hand and swept across his forehead. He sighed audibly, and she could see him continue to relax.

She once again took the moments to ogle… to observe the simple beauty of this complex man before her. She knew she carried his image around in her head a lot, but it was so rare she got to openly study him like this. Gentle stubble highlighting the contours of his masculine facial features. Sweet laugh lines around the corners of his eyes. Worry lines… barely visible at this moment, but she could see the incidents at work where he'd earned most every one of those lines. The simple smooth slope of his nose… the mix of light- medium-and dark blonde in his hair… the artful curve of his lips, parted gently in sleep… She appreciated each feature, but knew that, at this moment, her favorites were missing… his bright smile, and those sparkling blue eyes that she could read like a sailor reads the ocean. Soon enough, she reminded herself, she would see them again. And maybe, for once, more often than in the past. A girl could hope, right?


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: Oh my dear readers! I know, I spoiled you by posting so frequently… then RL got in the way of our fun! Fear not, I have another long weekend, and so I'm hoping to keep the story moving. This chapter is a bit of transitional fluff, and IMHO fairly predictable in the storyline sense. But I'll try to work on some more story development and get things heating up here in the next few chapters. Let me know your thoughts! -MH

Chapter 9

I woke to the sound of strong Velcro ripping… it sounded loud, and yet strangely distant. My eyelids felt as if someone had glued them shut, and I found myself concentrating for several minutes on figuring how to get them to open. I heard voices talking, almost able to make out the words, but again, strangely distant. By the time I managed to flutter my eyes open a bit, the light above seemed far too bright to tolerate, so I snapped them shut again.

"Hey, sleepy-head, are you ready to join us again?" The far-sounding voice was closer now, and was easily identifiable as my friend, Gabriella Dawson. A second voice joined the conversation.

"Here, let me turn that down a bit… there, that should be a little easier on the eyes." I recognized that voice as Dr. Jacobs, my new orthopedic surgeon. At least I remembered where I was, and why I was there… that was good. I tested the validity of the doctor's statement, and made a second attempt to open my eyes, this time finding a gentle, dim glow in the room.

"How are you feeling?" Gabby leaned in and asked. I felt as if my mouth was dry and sticky, but I moved my lips and tongue around a bit.

"Tired… and foggy…" I shared. My voice was a little scratchy sounding, but not any different than waking up any other day. "How long was I asleep?"

"Only about an hour and a half. You did good, though, your oxygen levels stayed up, and there weren't any other complications from the meds," Gabby updated me. As promised, I was sporting a clean, black padded air cast on my right leg now, still elevated and with cold packs on the exposed front surface of my ankle.

"I just re-checked the setting of your ankle in there… it should be okay. But if those muscle relaxers wear off and you get those real severe spasms again, be sure to call back. As long as the bones are sitting in their 'normal' position, you'll still have some cramping, but not that severe. That's the nice part about you being asleep, I could monkey with it without you really noticing. I also injected some anti-inflammatories in there, just to try and keep the swelling down."

"Thanks," I replied, not sure what to say, but grateful all those things had apparently occurred in my absence… or at least in the absence of my consciousness.

"I've given Gabriella all the information on surgery… we'll get you back here on Monday. She's also got all your prescriptions, and we talked through what you can and can't do, and she can help you with re-setting your foot in that boot anytime you need to take it off. Crutches are by the door," he pointed toward the wall, where the shiny silver weapons rested (there may be impromptu sword fights in my future if Severide comes over). "And as soon as you feel like you're ready to go, we'll get you on your way."

I sat up, thinking I was ready to go, and my head swam a little.

"Take it easy there, Champ…" Dr. Jacobs grabbed my arm as if to steady me. He gently removed the prop under my leg, and helped me turn and lower my feet off the side of the bed. "Just sit there for a minute, and gain your bearings a bit." He pulled over a small rolling table, brought my right arm up to rest on it, and quickly removed the IV and bandaged the site.

I looked to Gabby, and asked, "Ummm, do we have a ride?"

She laughed. "A ride? No you have a welcoming party in the waiting room. But I've secured Hermann's services for the ride home. He's got a minivan, and I figured that'd be easiest for us to manage, at least for tonight."

I rolled my eyes at the idea of the gang out in the waiting area, but nodded agreement at the minivan option.

Dr. Jacobs pulled a wheelchair out of its storage spot in the corner, and he and Gabby, on either side of me, gingerly assisted me in moving from the bed to the chair. Gabby handed me my coat – I'm not sure where that was hiding – and I slipped my arms into it.

"You're going to want that… it's snowing again." I smiled and nodded. I realized that it wasn't going to be very helpful for my getting-around needs, but I loved watching snow fall. A picture started to form in my head, of sitting in my living room, watching out the picture window as the snow drifts down, a warm mug of coffee in my hands, and Gabby snuggled next to me… Hmmm…

We were out the door and down the hall, and it was the crowd of faces, smiles mixed with concern, that pulled me from my daydream.

"Holy crap, Casey… you look like you been sleepin' on the job or somethin'!" Hermann was the first to pipe up. The guys milled around, pats on the back and shoulder acknowledging their concern and support.

Severide crouched down in front of me, to get closer to eye level. "Hey, the guys and I figured out who can help out with what for the next few days, including staying over. I know Gabby said she'd be there…" that bit of information surprised me a little, and warmed my heart as well, "… but sometimes you're just gonna need more help, and everybody wants to pitch in. So don't worry about it, but let us know if there's anything specific you need or want. Okay?" Our eyes met in a genuine connection, and I was so relieved to see the Kelly Severide I always knew in the man looking back at me. I smiled and nodded.

"Thanks, Kelly. I knew you'd have my back."

The chief stepped over before we left. "Casey, I don't want you to worry about a thing. I already filled out the short-term disability paperwork, so we've got you covered at work. I'm not giving your job away to anyone – Hermann's going to be your second while you're out. This doc seems to think you're going to have a pretty swift recovery, but I will personally wring your neck if you try to come back before you're ready, you hear me?" He was serious, but a smirk crept onto his face at the end.

"Got it, Chief," I nodded solemnly.

"Now go get some rest."

Hermann had already pulled up the hockey-mom van to the entrance, and several of the guys walked out with us. I realized pretty quickly how simple things, like stepping into a vehicle, were difficult to do when you couldn't bear weight on one leg. Oh, the things I had taken for granted! Before I could think twice, Kelly – who had stepped in the back seat of the van ahead of me – grabbed me from behind and lifted me up to the seat with not even as much as a grunt. Once we were secure, I found myself riding with Severide and Dawson in the van, with Hermann chauffeuring.

The ride home was brief, and I found myself having difficulty staying awake. I was startled to be unceremoniously picked up – bridal style – by none other than my dear friend Kelly Severide, and carried inside. I had protested somewhat loudly along the way, but he was chuckling, and Dawson and Hermann were laughing behind him. He took me straight to the couch and set me down, glanced around somewhat comically, spied the remote, handed it to me in somewhat dramatic fashion, and said, "There ya go. You're all set." He grinned at his own humor, quite amused with himself in the moment.

"Thank you, Kelly…" I said in a bit of a sing-song. There was some bustling around, as they got things out of Hermann's van, Hermann took off, and Dawson and Severide worked to get me settled. I really wanted a shower, but agreed with Dawson that I should probably finish sleeping off these meds, and try a shower in the morning.

Kelly wandered off to bed in one of the rooms upstairs, and Gabby came and settled in to a chair near where my head was resting. She had a mug of something steaming, and it smelled amazing.

"What is that?"

"Tea."

"What kind of tea?"

"It's called 'relaxing blend'. It's a loose-leaf tea I get at that shop on the corner near my place."

"Smells awesome. What's in it?"

She got up and came to sit on the edge of the couch, next to my side. She held the mug towards my nose, where I sat with my head propped up but reclining. I inhaled deeply, and the aroma was enticing, but soothing at the same time.

"I'm not sure what all is in it, probably chamomile, some kind of mint, and I know there's catnip in it, because it makes my cat freak out when I make it." I chuckled at the image of that. "Do you want me to make you some?"

"I don't know, does it taste like anything?"

"Here…" she offered the mug to me. I tentatively took a sip. It didn't taste quite like it smelled, but the warmth and flavor were both very soothing. I hummed in appreciation, as I rested my head back in the pillow.

"How about I just sit here and sniff yours?" I suggested sleepily, with my eyes closed. She laughed.

"Okay, we'll keep it in mind for tomorrow," she smiled. She didn't make any motion to get up, and I was okay with that.

I reached up to put my hand over the top of hers, both of which were curled around the warm mug. "Hey… thanks. For everything today. I don't know how I would have managed without you."

She smiled. "Oh, I'm sure the boys would have gotten you through it – probably with a good bit more teasing, and less attention to details, like surgical appointments." She paused, then continued in a softer tone. "But… there's really nowhere else I wanted to be today." She moved one of her hands to rest atop mine, now encased between both of hers. I don't know how long we just sat, soft grins on our faces, watching each other. Then I suddenly remembered a thought from earlier.

"Would you do me a favor?" I asked her.

"Of course, what do you need?"

"Would you go over and open the curtains to that main window?" She got up and did so. "And come back over here?" She turned and smiled back at me.

I lifted up the pillows behind my head, indicating for her to sit there. She did so, setting her mug down to help me rearrange so I was resting next to her, my legs stretched out and right foot elevated at the other end. She was so warm and comforting to be next to… I could get used to this. I found myself recalling how Hallie was always so cold – I had to warm her up. It was nice to have Gabby's warmth next to me.

From this position, I could smell the aroma of her tea, and hear her gentle breath.

"It's beautiful…" she said softly, as we watched fluffy snowflakes glide down from the sky to decorate the trees and landscape.

I nodded in agreement. "Mhmm. It sure is." I'm not sure how long I stayed awake after that, because the moment – the feelings, the sights, the aroma – followed me into my dreams. And I slept better than I had in a long time.


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: Okay, I see lots of folks "favorite"-ing my story, and I thank you for that… but please leave a review! I never really understood all the hype about reviews, until I wrote (this) my first fanfic… and I can see the appeal now! They really do help keep me motivated to write. I also take some cues from the reviews and conversations. Let me know what you like, and what you'd like to see in upcoming chapters!

Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing related to Chicago Fire, NBC, or (in this chapter) Will Ferrell or the movie Elf, or any of the other movies mentioned. Well, I do own a copy of Elf, a well-worn, well-loved copy, but other than that… Nada.

Chapter 10

The weekend passed in a gauzy haze of drug-induced sleep. I tried on a few different occasions to do without, or to just use the muscle relaxer so that I didn't feel so out-of-it, but whatever the doc had done to my ankle at the hospital – anti-inflammatories or what not – had apparently worn off, and it was difficult to keep up. Dawson was there most of the time, along with a few other guys from the team, who would "cover" for her so she could either go to work or just get a sleep break. I'm not sure who all was there… like I said, it was all pretty hazy.

I remember several times wishing I could have a good conversation with Gabby, and I might have even said something to her about it, but I don't think it ever happened, at least not in any coherent form. I think she and I knew we were drifting toward something more… we just weren't sure what yet. And I felt okay with that. There was no desire to push anything. We were just content to be in each other's presence. And it was comfortable. I imagined what it must have been like for her, when Hallie and I were together, if she had feelings for me. That explained the strange tension that would sometimes show up between us, often right after we had just shared one of those really nice "just for us" moments. And now that she knew that things were done between Hallie and me… well, I guess that would explain that comfortable feeling between us.

Sunday afternoon, I was lucid long enough for her to get a good meal in me – apparently I had asked her to make soup at some point in time, and it was incredible. She made fresh bread to go with it, and it was so good. While I ate, she reviewed my protocols for surgery – no food after 6pm, which is why we were eating now, and no more meds after midnight. They wanted whatever I had taken to be well on its way to clearing my system by surgery time. Luckily, we had to arrive at the surgery center by 6am, and they'd get me on IV meds shortly thereafter, so I wasn't too worried.

I held off on my meds for as long after eating as I could tolerate, because it really was nice to spend some clear-headed time with Dawson. She had found a channel with Christmas movies on, and was enjoying them. I hadn't really cared as much for the cheesy ones in the afternoon – Miracle on 34th Street, I think – but with prime time came "Elf", and I love me some Will Ferrell. I'm not sure Dawson had ever seen the whole thing, but she laughed at all the good parts, and we both discovered that we each had an adorable-if-not-so-attractive snort that would escape with certain bits of sudden laughter. We would fairly quickly dissolve into laughing at each other when this occurred, but I'd shush us in time to hear the next funny part (because I knew where they all were).

With about twenty minutes left in the movie, the muscle spasms returned to my calf, so Dawson came with meds, including the painkillers. I held off on those until later, because I really was enjoying my lucid time. Just at the end of the movie, Severide walked in with a pizza, but left it sitting on the counter when he discovered Gabby's soup and fresh bread. He hung out with us on the couch, watching as the TV rolled into a Die Hard marathon, and I rolled into my lethargic state. He and Dawson were joking about how it had to be some guy who decided that the Die Hard movies belonged in a Christmas line-up. "It is set during Christmastime," Kelly clarified. Thanks to the meds, my laugh was a little delayed.

Before I was too "out of it", they assisted me in getting into bed. My bedroom was on the second floor, but for the moment, I was using the guest room which was on the first floor. The first night I had just slept on the couch, but after that, Gabby was insistent that she could better prop my leg and keep me comfortable if I was actually in a bed. She was right, I slept better in the bed.

I didn't want to take the painkiller until I was done getting ready for bed. Kelly had come over to help me with showering, because I didn't want to go into surgery having not showered all weekend. I mostly just needed help with the things I couldn't do standing on one foot, and I didn't want Gabby to have to do the awkward duties. I know with the ambulance she's seen it all, but there are some things that are just better left to the guys for now. After I was dressed, she came in to put my foot back in the boot. I sat on the edge of the tub brushing my teeth while she messed with it. The swelling was down considerably from what it had been when I was at the hospital, but it was covered in an icky purple mess of a bruise now. She kept asking if I was okay, and I just kept nodding, even though I know I winced a few times. It was so unsettling, as I could still feel the instability of the bones where the ligament was no longer attached. But it was uncomfortable more than painful.

When she was done, I leaned over to spit in the sink and rinse my mouth out, then took the pain pill and chased it down with a glass of water. I sat back down on the edge of the tub with a sigh, like that action had really taken the wind out of me or something. I reached for my crutches, but instead of handing them to me, Gabby came toward me with a towel.

"You're still dripping," she said softly, with a grin. She began to gently towel-dry my head a little bit more. I never thought of that much, because my hair was really short, and it usually dried on its own pretty quickly. But the gesture was sweet.

"Thanks, Mom," I grinned up at her, and she playfully socked me on the shoulder.

I made my way back to the bedroom, where she and Severide tag-teamed at elevating my leg, and "tucking me in", which Kelly made a fairly silly deal out of. I chuckled, but then with practiced slurred speech said, "Now get on out of here, before I start saying stupid stuff again…" They both laughed and exited. I heard Gabby whisper "Goodnight, Matt," as she turned out the light. I smiled as I drifted off.

I know people often complain about the early start times for surgeries, but I often thought about how I'd want my surgeon first thing in the morning. I don't want to be his fifth surgery that day, when he's all tired and what not. Plus, Gabby and I were used to getting up at 0530 for work anyway. So when we made our way into the surgery center – a separate building of suites across from the main hospital – at 6am, we were already naturally awake.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Gabby had completed a lot of the pre-registration paperwork while she waited for me to sleep off the drugs the other night. And I laughed because it was legible – it most likely would not have been, were it done in my handwriting! I was impressed by how quickly everything happened. We were back in a room and getting things ready to go within minutes of our arrival. The nurse that was assisting us said that was a benefit of the surgery center. As a separate stand-alone facility, they were able to move much more efficiently through outpatient procedures than the OR in the main hospital.

Gabby helped me change into one of those funky gowns – couldn't escape that today - and got me situated in the transport bed. The nurse came in to start an IV, which I was pretty happy for, seeing as the cramping and throbbing had flared up again since my last med. I probably should have had Gabby wake me up and give me more before midnight, but I didn't. The nurse said she already had orders to start meds which would help me relax before surgery, as well as some other things the doctor wanted in my system.

Dr. Jacobs came in, looking like he'd already had a pot of coffee. Don't get me wrong, that was a good thing – I want my surgeon wide awake!

"Fear not, Lieutenant Casey, we're going to have you in and out of here in no time today. And like I said, I think you'll be feeling a lot better after that. Probably the most noticeable thing will be, we'll get those damned muscle spasms to stop!" he smiled, and I agreed that would be good. He removed the boot and the sock I had been wearing under it. Pointing to my right ankle, he said, "This is going to sound like a dumb question, but trust me, it's protocol. THIS is the one I'm fixing today, yes?" I laughed and acknowledged that, indeed, it was my right ankle. He pulled out a royal blue sharpie, and signed his initials. "Now, I'd tell you not to wash that off, cuz it'll be worth money someday, but actually I think it'll come off when one of the scrub nurses preps you in the OR. So that's out the window…" We laughed, and I once again felt secure in my surgeon – not only did I trust him, I thought he seemed like a pretty nice guy.

After he left the room, it was just Gabby and me for a few minutes. She smiled at me, grabbed my hand, and ran her other hand across the hair on my forehead.

"You're gonna be just fine," she said with a gentle confidence.

"I know. He's a good guy." I smiled back at her, meeting her eyes. "And… I'm glad you're here. You've done so much already, I just… Thanks." I squeezed her hand meaningfully.

She leaned in to me. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere," she said with just a hint of playfulness, and kissed me on the forehead. She met my eyes again, and before she could get far, I put my other hand gently behind her neck, and pulled her to my lips. It was chaste and gentle, but our lips met.

"Good," I replied simply. But our eyes, which continued to lock onto each other's, said so much more. We were both smiling, and I decided that was a good thing.

A tiny knock on the glass door pulled us apart, and the little gal who was the surgical transporter let me know it was time to go. She told Gabby she could wait in this room, as this is where they would bring me after surgery to recover. Gabby squeezed my hand one last time, and said "Have a good nap!" I rolled my eyes and smiled. Felt like I had been sleeping for days. Oh wait, I *had* been sleeping for days.

The OR was freezing cold, and I immediately asked if they had forgotten to pay the heating bill. I got laughs from behind several masked faces and capped heads. As they assisted me in sliding from the transport bed to the surgical table, I was greeted with a pile – and I mean it was a *pile* – of warmed blankets. I was aware of these little gems, as we had given them to patients once inside the ER doors before. But I couldn't remember being a recipient of one before – much less a small stack of them. As one nurse got me covered up, another was unsnapping the shoulder of the gown and placing monitor leads on my chest, and another was putting a blood pressure cuff on my arm and a pulse oximeter on my finger. The relatively calm beeping of my heartbeat filled the back ground of the room, while the anesthesiologist came in and started talking about masks and counting backward… and I found myself wondering, did I really just kiss Gabriella Dawson?

A/N: Okay, I feel like I've gotten bogged down in the medical stuff again, and it's slowing the progression of the storyline. But there were a few really important moments in this! It is my goal to get this story moving. But my "muse" doesn't always agree with my goals! I hope you're enjoying it so far… please review and share your thoughts! -MH


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

At first it was strange to me that the beeping I had just fallen asleep to was still there, and I wondered if they had forgotten to put me completely under. But then I recognized an oxygen cannula under my nose, and a pain in my throat as I tried to swallow past a very dry lump. I must be in recovery. Wow, that was quick.

I opened my eyes to find myself swaddled in pillows and warm blankets, my right foot once again propped above the rest of me, but this time bound in white gauze, with just my toes peeking out. I momentarily thought of how they should be cold, but realized I couldn't really feel anything from my waist down. There was a part of my brain that registered that this should be a bad thing, but the rest of my brain told that part that we really didn't give a flying crap right now.

Wow. Good drugs, huh.

"Ah, there he is. Welcome back, Matt. You're in recovery, everything went fine. As soon as you get your bearings a little bit, we'll get you back to your room."

I could see the nurse who was speaking to me moving around the bed, but she was pretty fuzzy in my vision. I wasn't too worried about that. I knew what these drugs could do. Heck, I'd had drugs like these in my system since Friday. I was about to ask why my throat hurt so bad, but found myself drifting off again.

The next time I awoke, the same nurse was raising the head of my bed up a little bit, and talking to another person in the room. I felt a little more awake this time, and could see around me without everything looking so fuzzy. I attempted to swallow again so I could ask how long I'd been out, but found myself reaching for my throat, which was too dry to do anything resembling speech.

"Hey, Matt," the nurse greeted me again. "You look a little more alert this time. Yeah, your throat probably is dry and a little sore, that's from being intubated during surgery. We'll get you some water when we get you back to your room. The transporter is on her way, if you're able to stay awake long enough for her to get here, we'll send you on back to your room." I nodded, as it didn't seem like I had much other option.

The same tiny little transporter came, and I wanted to ask how she was able to move these huge beds herself, but Stryker beds usually were pretty state-of-the-art, and did most of the work for you. It was a short trip back to the room, and although I still felt groggy, I didn't fall back asleep. I was really looking forward to something to drink… and seeing Gabby, if I was honest with myself.

Although I was brought in the room backward, Gabby was right by the door, and reached out to grab my hand with a smile. "Hey, you made it!" I smiled sleepily, and started to ask her if there was any doubt that I would, but the attempt made me start a dry, hacking cough.

"He can have water, as long as he's able to stay awake and elevated enough to drink it," the transporter informed Gabby, who was already reaching for the pitcher and cup on the counter. She held the straw to my lips, and I sipped hungrily from it.

"Easy, Matt… take your time," Gabby said in a gentle tone. I felt like I had been in a desert. I had known what a parched throat felt like – fires will do that to you. But this reminded me of when I was a kid and had tonsillitis, where the water just wouldn't stick to soothe the dry ache.

The transporter told Gabby that the doctor would be in to talk to her, and that a physical therapist would come by to give some instruction as well, and that I could just rest for now. Gabby thanked her, then turned back to me.

I finished swallowing another sip from the straw. "Thanks," I rasped, still sounding like I was fresh out of that desert.

"Wow, you sound great. They must have intubated you?" I nodded in response. "Well, depending on what they use for anesthesia, they have to, because it suppresses your lungs' ability to move air on their own. And I'm sure with the amount of muscle involvement with this, they probably had to use something to shut those involuntary responses off." I nodded again, looking down to try and wiggle my toes. I was amused, because, although they moved, I couldn't feel them.

"Looks good… want me to paint them?" she teased. I smiled, glancing up at her, then back down to my foot.

"I can't feel them," I whispered, still sounding like Sandpaper Man. I really hoped this scratchy voice thing didn't follow me around.

"That's normal, I'm guessing. He'll tell us if it's not. They probably wouldn't have sent you back to the room if everything wasn't okay," she said, and I wasn't sure if she was trying to comfort me or herself. Maybe both.

Dr. Jacobs appeared in the doorway, in royal blue scrubs and a scrub cap with Marvin the Martian printed all over it. That was unique.

"Hey guys! Well, everything went really great with the ATFL repair. Didn't need to borrow anything from anywhere else, and other than the sutures, you don't have anything in you that wasn't there before, like pins or plates or anything. So that's good." I wondered to myself if he had ever mentioned those things might be a possibility, but quickly dismissed the thought, since apparently it wasn't a problem. "Some of the surrounding tendons were a mess, and we fixed those up as well, to give you as much stability and support as we could. The cartilage looked really healthy, but you're still a pretty young guy. So everything looked great. Like I mentioned before, while we're in there, we load you up with a bunch of cortisone, which will really speed up the healing and keep down the inflammation. Then we shot it up with more lidocaine than the law should allow, so you won't be feeling much in your ankle until late tonight or tomorrow."

"Thanks," I croaked out, with a nod and a small smile.

"Yeah, the throat is sometimes an issue," he said apparently in response to my scratchy attempt at speech. "You're one of those guys whose work environment is pretty hard on the airways. Yours are healthy and all, but over time, the mucus membranes get a little compromised, and it gets harder for your mouth and throat to retain moisture content. That makes it challenging for the guy who intubates for surgery. I'll get you a prescription of stuff that'll help your throat recover a little more quickly, but anytime there's difficulty intubating, we end up with sore, croaky throats afterward. Sorry about that. But if that's the worst of the deal, that's pretty fix-able." Gabby and I were both nodding and smiling.

It was at this point that I realized Gabby was still holding my hand. Gabby started asking him some other technical medical questions, and I found my mind wandering to what this guy probably assumed about us. He had never met us before the day in the ER, and has only seen us together. And I was surprisingly warmed and cheered by the image of how he probably viewed us. Hallie and I were just kind of there… like a book that's been sitting on the shelf for a long time… it just becomes part of the scenery. But Gabby and I – that picture looked like something that stood out. Like if you walked into a room, you'd notice it. I would have to explore that image more.

"…so when the physical therapist gets in here, he can show you how to do this at home. If that's okay with you, Matt?" I suddenly realized I should have been paying attention. Thank goodness I could still blame it on the drugs in my system!

"Sorry, what was that?" I asked in a half-whisper. The doc and Gabby chuckled.

"If I have the therapist teach Gabriella here the therapy routines you're going to need? She said she would be willing to help you out with those, if you're okay with it." Okay with it? Of course I was! It made me really happy, just the thought of it, and I didn't even know what "it" was yet!

"Sure, that's great. I don't want to put her out, but, umm… I am… gathering… that I'm gonna need a little more help these next few days… or so…" They were chuckling and nodding at my little realization, Gabby smiling, and Dr. Jacobs nodding wholeheartedly.

"Well, you're lucky to have so many friends and co-workers willing to help out. And I have a feeling Gabriella here will take good care of you." He said his farewells, and exited, leaving us to wait for the physical therapist.

"How are you feeling?" Gabby asked, reaching up and running her fingers through my hair by my forehead. I sighed contentedly, loving that gesture.

"I'm doing okay," I acknowledged. "He's right, my throat's pretty sore, but the water is helping a little bit. Otherwise, I can't feel much yet, so I guess that's good."

"Yeah, he said he used a spinal block, which is why you can't feel anything from the waist down right now, but that will wear off before we leave. He said the PT guy is gonna come in here, and show me how to do the therapies with you. Then they're going to get you a little something to eat and some more to drink, because that will help the anesthesia clear your system a little faster. They don't want you leaving if you still can't feel your feet. Then he said the PT guy will be back before we leave, because they actually want you to stand up and put some weight on that foot before we leave." That last part freaked me out a little bit, and my face must have shown it. I just kept recalling the pain I'd been in the last three days, especially the last time I actually attempted to bear weight on it at the site of the fire call.

Gabby chuckled a little at my facial expression. "It'll be fine, it's not like you're gonna be able to feel it, remember? They just have to make sure the 'mechanics' of everything work. But they're going to get you walking on it again pretty quickly, because they don't want everything locking up on you. Don't worry, we're gonna manage this together, okay?" she said with confidence, taking my hand again.

I just sat looking back at her for a minute, imagining how lucky I was to be here with her, in this situation. Not that my situation was good – unforeseen injury, surgery, time off work – but if it had to be, at least I was here with her. And she cared about me enough to be here with me.

"How'd I get so lucky?" I said softly to her. She smiled shyly in response, not letting go of my hand or the connection with our eyes.

"I'd say I'm the lucky one," she said quietly in reply. "But that would sound like I was glad this happened to you. And that's not it…" She paused, without finishing the thought.

"I know…" I gently squeezed her hand, nodding in understanding.

Our somewhat intimate conversation was drawn to a conclusion for the time being, by a knock at the door. An athletic-looking thirty-something guy walked in and introduced himself as Jerry. He seemed nice enough, but looked like he spent his life in a gym. I guess that was okay, considering what he did for a living. He could give my guys a run for their money. Maybe I'd recruit him to come in and do some weight training with the guys once a week… something to shake up their maintenance regimen a little.

"So one of the key things that we're going to use is a hands-on manual therapy technique. It basically involves massage therapy of the surrounding and supporting tissues, and as healing takes place, we'll increase the amount of pressure you use directly on the ankle. So – its Gabriella, right?" he nodded to Gabby, and she acknowledged. "Matt, I'm going to be teaching you some relaxation techniques, and your job is going to become very in-tune with what your body is telling you, and the difference between feelings of tension versus relaxation. Then Gabriella will help with the manual therapy, but you're going to need to communicate with her to let her know what your pain levels are, and things like that, okay?" I nodded. This sounded a little earthy-crunchy to me, but the guy didn't look like a hippie. And I remembered Dr. Jacobs saying this was a method that really helped people heal faster. So I was willing to try it. I was *really* interested to find out what this hands-on stuff was about.

Jerry walked me through some basic relaxation techniques, like taking deep breaths, allowing myself to tense and release muscles, and to focus on my breathing. He was using my left arm as an example, because I still didn't have feeling in my legs. He then used some simple massage therapy techniques to help me feel the difference between tensed and relaxed tendons, and to use the deep breathing and progressive relaxation to help myself release the ones that were tense. It was kind of cool.

He then explained to Gabriella how she was going to utilize massage to help facilitate healing in my leg. He showed her the techniques utilizing my left leg. I was so disappointed I still had no feeling there, because what they were doing looked like it would feel amazing. I tried not to think of Gabby's hands moving so intimately on my skin, and maintained focusing on the clinical skills Jerry was teaching her. He explained how massage helps the body's lymphatic system move more effectively, because it is how the body gets rid of its "garbage", like chemicals that make muscles stiff, and dead cells as the body heals. He said it also stimulates healthy blood flow to areas in need of healing, so overall, the technique is very effective for increasing the body's capacity to repair itself. It was kind of cool to think about… plus, the technical stuff got my mind off Gabby's hands. Again.

The nurse brought in a tray of soup, crackers, jello and apple juice. Gabby chatted with me about what she was reading while I was in surgery – catching up on celebrity gossip with the magazines in the room. I didn't think I was that hungry, and the soup couldn't hold a candle to Dawson's, but I liked the idea of it moving the drugs out of my system faster, and I felt better as I finished the tray. The nurse told us that apple juice was going to be much better for me than any orange or citrus-based juice, as the citric acid would strip away the good moisture from my throat, but apple juice would actually help retain the moisture. I told Gabby we should pick some up on the way home. She laughed and texted Kelly, because she told me he was doing the shopping. I laughed… I had a typical bachelor's refrigerator, and I'm sure if Gabby wanted to be cooking, she would need more than the beer and leftover pizza that was in there.

After that, things moved pretty quickly. The feeling was finally returning to my legs, with the exception of where the lidocaine still had my right ankle completely snowed. But I could feel the other leg enough to get moving again, with nothing more than the "pins and needles" feeling of waking up. They removed my IV, since I proved my ability to keep down liquids, and they allowed Gabby to help me get dressed in my own clothes again. Once I was dressed, they let me get up with my crutches and use the bathroom – another thing I had to prove I could do before they let me leave. We then sat for a bit and waited for Jerry to return, and he took us to a small area with railings for assisting with walking. He had me take a few steps, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that I could stand on my right foot momentarily and feel absolutely nothing. Jerry assured me that was the anesthetic talking, and that it wouldn't be *that* easy in the coming days, but it was a lot better. And even without being able to feel it, they could see that the "mechanics" of my foot were back in place and working properly, and I could tell the muscles around my calf were no longer freaking out and spasming, which was a relief. After that, he put a short sock on over my toes, and adjusted the air cast a little to accommodate the bandages from the surgery. He had given instructions to Gabby on how and when to remove them. It was great that she could remove the sutures in a week as well, saving me one more trip to a doctor's office.

We said our farewells and thank-yous, and an orderly wheeled me to the front door, where Gabby picked me up in her car. It was much easier getting in and out than it had been previously – for the first time in days, my head felt a little more clear, because I wasn't so heavily medicated. It was one of those beautiful winter days, where the sky was blue and the sun was shining, glinting off the freshly-fallen snow, like diamonds from heaven. I really enjoyed the ride and the light conversation we carried on as we drove back to my house. And I decided that I could probably have a really good, clear-headed, heart-to-heart conversation with Gabriella Dawson this afternoon. It was about time.


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: I know I don't have a really consistent update schedule. However, I'm crabby tonight, because I've been looking forward to tonight's new episode for TWO WEEKS, and a local college basketball game was on over it! They started the show "in progress" halfway into it, after the game. I was grumpy, and I turned it off. I'm going to watch it from the start online tomorrow. So don't spoil it for me yet! Anyway… as a bonus, you get a new chapter! (Cuz one way or another, I gotta spend time with my Chicago Fire peeps on a Wednesday night!)

Chapter 12

It was amazing to me how much easier it was for me to get settled in at home when I was coherent, and not feeling as doped up as I had the last three days. Thanks to the copious amounts of anesthetic in my ankle from the surgery, I didn't really need to take any of the prescription painkillers yet. And I was really happy about that. Even needing some help getting around on crutches wasn't nearly as bad, because I had my head about me, and this certainly wasn't the first time I had navigated the world on crutches. It was difficult to get through high school as an athlete without needing the walking sticks once or twice.

Gabby got me situated, and went to reheat some of that fabulous soup and bread for both of us. I took the time to think through what I'd wanted to talk to Gabby about all weekend. I hoped my scratchy voice would let me get through it. But Dawson seemed to read my mind as she brought me the prescription stuff that tasted like cough syrup, which was supposed to help my throat, along with the soup and a big plastic tumbler full of apple juice.

"Wow. Service with a smile," I grinned at her, and got one of hers in response. "Are you going to join me?" I asked.

"Of course I am. I just couldn't carry it all at once," she said, after setting a tray in front of me, and going back to the kitchen. When she returned, she settled in next to me on the couch, and we both started to eat in comfortable silence.

"Everything taste ok?" she asked me.

I gave her an 'are you kidding me?' look, and responded, "Uhh… better than okay, Dawson. If I didn't know you were such an amazing paramedic, I'd tell you you're in the wrong career field. Where'd you learn to cook like this?" She spent most of our eating time telling me about learning in the kitchen with both her mother and grandmother, and how she never remembered a time when she was 'too young' to be in the kitchen helping. She talked about how her grandmother would alphabetize the spices, and then they'd spend weeks cooking various dishes that used each one, so she would learn how to use them all. She said even her brother Antonio had some mad cooking skills, but the men in her family seemed to do more of the outdoor cooking, things involving grills, pits, and fryers. Nonetheless, she said, her brother knew his way around the kitchen, too. It was wonderful hearing about her family growing up, and how much the extended family meant to her.

When I was done eating, she cleared our dishes to the kitchen.

"How ya doin'? Do you need anything for the pain yet?" she asked me when she came back to the couch.

"Nope, I'm good for now. I'm actually really enjoying not being so hazy, if you know what I mean," I smiled somewhat sheepishly.

"Oh, I know what you mean, you're interesting when you're drugged."

"So you're saying I'm NOT interesting normally?" I teased in mock offense.

"No! I just mean…" She stopped defending herself when she saw me chuckling playfully. "Casey!" she elbowed me in return.

"Well, I really was hoping to have some 'lucid' time this afternoon… just you and me." I paused to gauge her reaction. Her face softened, and a smile played at the corners of her eyes, as she became very attentive.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And… what were you hoping to do with your… 'lucid' time?" she asked softly.

"Well…" I took a deep breath and sighed. "I've been thinking about things I've wanted to talk to you about all weekend, and I just haven't been clear-headed long enough. And now I sound like a smoker, so I don't know how long this will last, but…"

She chuckled in response. "You don't sound like a smoker. You sound… sultry."

"Sultry." I deadpanned. "That's like saying hanging out in the sandpaper aisle at Home Depot is sultry."

She laughed, and I chuckled, just loving to watch how her face lit up.

"Well, regardless of the sandpaper, there are things I want to tell you."

"Do they involve… secrets?" she giggled a little. I looked at her, a little confused. "Sorry," she continued. "Right after they gave you the good stuff in the ER, when you were kind of falling asleep, you started rhyming, then asked if I'd make you soup, then said you had secrets to tell me. And then you fell asleep." She chuckled again. "It was kind of… adorable."

I face-palmed, imagining what kinds of embarrassing things I had said. Shaking my head a little at myself, I looked at her earnestly. "Well, if I start telling you things you've already heard – in some drug-induced stupor of mine – stop me."

She laughed. "I'm sure we're good. So... you said you had things to tell me…" she prompted.

"Well, let me back up a bit. I wasn't sure if anyone knew that Hallie and I were over. I mean, I figure people probably knew we were apart again, but I had realized this was it. She had told me she didn't ever really want kids, and I knew that was a deal-breaker for me." Gabby nodded sympathetically, but her eyes encouraged me to continue. "I cared about her, and I loved her, but I realized that my hopes for our future were built on something she couldn't – or wouldn't – give. So that was my cue to move on. That day you ran into me at Children's Hospital was kind of a 'new start' for me. Volunteering to help with the babies really helped me clear my head, and re-set my priorities.

"But that was also the day I started putting two and two together, and realizing that you and I had a really special relationship. I always knew we were good friends, and I always knew I could count on you in a way that I couldn't necessarily connect with anyone else at the fire house. I valued that. I started to make some connections in my head, but let's face it – I'm a guy, and sometimes I'm a little slow on the pick-up. The day after I saw you there, Shay and I kind of talked, and she said some things that helped me start to make sense of things. She said the reason she thought you sometimes reacted strangely around me – kind of shutting down and walking away suddenly – was because you thought I was still with Hallie. And it took me a few more minutes – remember, guy, slow – to figure out that meant you had stronger feelings about our friendship, about me." Her eyes acknowledged the truth in what I was saying, whether she wanted them to or not, but I could also see a shy tension in the way she appeared to have momentarily frozen before me.

"And I want you to know that was a GOOD thing for me to realize. It not only gave me hope, that there could be life after Hallie, but I felt both comfort and excitement in the thought. I still didn't quite know what to do with it, and I just want to say – even now – if I act strangely, it's not because I don't want something more, it's just that… at times, I am so surprised and overwhelmed… in a good way… by what I'm feeling, I just need time to process it. And it's also important to me to find out what you're feeling about it. I don't want to just assume things." I paused to gauge her reaction.

She nodded, gave me a small smile, and appeared to allow some of the tension release. "Go on…" she prompted.

I sighed again, and continued in my – what did she call it? – sultry scratchy voice. "So that day in the ER, when you pretty much stayed with me the whole time… you have no idea how meaningful that was to me. You know I've been to Hallie's ER before, both when she's on shift, and when she's not, and she rarely stays with me the whole time. I mean, I know she knows people, but… it was just so great to have you by my side. And I just continued to think about all those special moments we share… the looks, the touches, the laughs… And it just felt like, that day, something shifted in our relationship. I found myself wanting to hold your hand. I was hoping you'd stay with me, and didn't even have to ask… you just did. I felt completely confident with you asking questions and making arrangements for me when I was semi-conscious… I didn't worry at all. I have no idea what I said to you that day, but I do remember trying to talk to you about how I felt…" I trailed off, as Gabby's grin took over her face, and she started to giggle.

"What? What did I say?"

"You were trying to explain something about you and Hallie, and how you felt like you'd fail… but you said flail…" she snickered.

I shrugged, but laughed along with her. "Well, fail, flail… you can see how I'd confuse the two…" I smiled.

"But you said I gave you hope," she responded more seriously. "And that really meant something to me. I didn't know what yet, but it was… important to me."

I smiled. "Yes, you do give me hope. Hope for a future. When we watched the snow fall the other night… it was like a glimpse into the future I want. And it was so easy with us. Hallie and I were like old dusty books on a bookshelf… they just become part of the scenery. There was something about being with you that just felt so… alive. So vital. So full of possibility. Like a beginning, rather than a destination. With Hallie, I felt like we'd already arrived… which meant we didn't have anywhere else to go.

"Gabby, I can't imagine what it's been like for you, watching Hallie and I all these years. I started to imagine it, when Shay helped me realize the reason for your apparent sudden cut-offs from those special moments you and I would share. You must have been so hurt. And I just want you to know how sorry I am that you ever felt that way, because I didn't know. And I never wanted to hurt you."

"No, Matt, it's okay… I wanted those moments, in spite of knowing you were with Hallie. It helped me feel connected to you… at least as a good friend, if we couldn't be more than that."

"But… ugh! That makes me feel like I was using you!"

"No, no! You would have been using me if you knew how I felt, and still took advantage of my feelings for you. You never did that. You were always respectful, and based everything in a strong friendship. And I was okay with that. Just because I wanted something more didn't mean your intentions weren't pure."

"Well…" I said, and I reached over to take her hand in mine. "I just want you to know that I see it now. And if it's okay with you, I'm really interested in seeing where this goes. This… I mean, us. That is, if you're still interested, now that you know what's been going on in my head all this time," I smiled a little sheepishly.

Gabby smiled brilliantly in return. "Uh, yeah, I'm interested! I have no idea what that looks like, especially since we're technically co-workers, but…"

I smiled, and sighed a relieved, contented sigh. "Well, I had hoped you got the drift of where this might be going when I decided to… umm… personally thank you for sticking around today…" I hinted, indicating the kiss I gave her right before going into surgery.

She fixed a somewhat playful gaze on me, and replied, "Uhhh, if that's what you're counting as a 'first kiss', you might need to re-qualify. That was more like an 'okay I'm going into surgery now, in case I die, I just wanna say thanks in a special way' kind of moment!"

I cast a somewhat theatrical gaze to the ceiling, and tapped my lips with my index finger. "Hmmm… re-qualify… let's see here…" I sat up, re-situated myself a bit from where I had sunk into the couch, and leaned toward Gabby. I reached over and gently caressed her cheek with my fingers.

"You are beautiful… you're amazing… you're strong…" With each affirmation, I caressed her cheek, or stroked her hair, and drew her ever gently closer to me. "You're… sweet…" Her lips were so soft as we met, and a gentle, caressing dance began between us. The kiss was sweet, but passionate, but gentle, but deep, as we tasted each other, and shared touches and caresses to each other's face. Her fingernails gently grazed the hair at the back of my neck, and her fingers traveled down the sides of my throat. My hands wound into the silky strands of her hair, drawing her close in an attempt to make this moment last.

Slowly, our arms found each other's torso, and we continued kissing and embracing, as if making up for so much lost time. Eventually, we paused, nudging each other's nose with our own, basking in the glow of the moment. I rested my forehead against hers, and looked into her eyes.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking for confirmation that we were doing the right thing.

"Yeah!" she confirmed heartily, and we laughed, falling back together with lips and hands and caresses and hugs. I'm not sure how long the make-out session lasted, but I was so happy. Happy that it felt like I had finally made a right choice, happy that Gabriella was on the same page, and not hurt or offended that she had had to wait so long for me to figure it out… happy to know that that light of hope at the end of the tunnel was closer than I thought.


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: Well! IDK about everybody else, but I just got to watch the new ep last night, and man, did *that* suck! Okay, it wasn't that bad, but definitely went off the rails for us Dawsey/Cason fans! But there were really great moments… especially for Severide and Shay! I feel like some of the character development is really starting to flesh out, with each episode. I really do love the show, and I know the writers have to keep us going – they can't resolve UST that quickly – buuuuut, come on guys! Mills and Dawson? Puppy vs Panther? *sigh* Well, that leaves us no other choice than to continue to play with their lovely characters in our happy little bubble of a world known as fanfic! =D Please, read on… and enjoy Lucky Thirteen!

Chapter 13

It was around ten that night when the feeling started to come back in my foot. It was a typical tingly pins-and-needles sensation at first, but then the stitches made themselves known. Dawson unbundled everything and took a look – it really was just two little incisions, each less than an inch long, on either side of my ankle. They looked fine, with the exception of the fabulous purple-blue marbling that surrounded my ankle and foot.

"Is that… normal?" I asked, just a tad bit concerned. I had had sprains before, but nothing that ever looked like that.

"Well, considering the swelling and bruising you had, plus whatever maneuvering was required for the surgery, I'd say it's pretty normal. And actually, it's remarkable how much the swelling has already gone down. Must be the cortisone." She palpated a couple of different spots on the top, side and bottom of my foot. "Good strong pedal pulses… I'd say you're doing good." She re-applied Neosporin and put fresh gauze on, and re-wrapped everything. She didn't put the boot back on yet, though.

"How does the rest of your leg feel?" she asked, brushing her hand along the front of my shin lightly.

"Hmmm… kind of like the day after you've gotten a really bad Charlie-horse, you know? Where it aches because it's been all cramped, but not bad."

"Wellll…" she drew out. "How about… I try some of that 'hands-on therapy' that Jerry recommended?" she smiled shyly, as if nervous I'd turn her down.

I smiled at her. "Hey, I'm up for it. But… you might have to explain it to me again. I'm not sure I was totally awake when you guys were talking about it."

"First things first," she said, standing up from the couch. "I'm going to get your meds, since the pain has already started. As long as you're not having muscle spasms, you shouldn't need the relaxers, just the pain meds."

I groaned a little, knowing I'd be loopy sooner than I wanted to be.

"Hey, he prescribed just some Tylenol 3… you don't have to take the heavy-duty stuff you took over the weekend. This isn't as bad, it'll make you sleepy, but not like the other stuff." I had had Tylenol 3 before, and I knew she was right. It made me tired, but not goofy. And it'd take a while to really make me all that tired.

"Maybe during the day, if the pain's manageable, I'll try regular Tylenol or ibuprofen tomorrow. The sooner I can get myself off those drugs, the better." I really didn't like anything that compromised my mental faculties as much as I felt those did.

Dawson brought me another glass of apple juice and the pills, and I took them like a good patient. She also brought back a bottle of something with her – looked like lotion or something.

She pulled over a footstool to sit on next to the couch by the end where my leg was. I had pulled up the leg on my sweats earlier, to allow her access to the bandages, so now she pushed the fabric up to my knee. She popped open the cap on the bottle, and poured something into the palm of her hand, and started rubbing it between her palms. I smelled a light fragrance of eucalyptus and lavender.

She caught my curious stare, and spoke up. "It's massage oil. Don't ask… apparently someone in my family got it as a bridal shower gift, and somehow I ended up with it in a white elephant gift last year for Christmas. I never thought it would actually come to some kind of real-world use…" she mused. She reached her oiled hands out over my leg, wiggled her fingers as if doing some kind of magic, and then gently slid them down either side of my leg, evenly distributing the lotion.

I was pretty neutral on her touch at first. Admittedly, the oil felt a little weird, and my brain was confused by the warmth of her touch versus the pains in my leg muscles. But she spoke gently as she worked.

"So, Jerry explained that the whole idea behind this massage therapy is to facilitate healing. He said that when there's an injury, and even more so when medications are used to treat it, the lymphatic system really slows down. It's like going from vegetable oil to thick corn syrup. There are certain types of massage techniques that move and free muscle tissue from the toxins they're storing, and other types of techniques that help move the lymphatic system along. It also helps increase blood flow to damaged or healing tissues, which increases your body's ability to regenerate and clear out the bad stuff. At first, he just wanted me to work with the surrounding muscle groups, but as your ankle gets better and doesn't hurt as much, Jerry said we should work closer and closer to the joint itself, and the structures around it. It will help when you start using it more, and keep the joint free from freezing up or getting too stiff."

She was using firm pressure with the heel of her hands to press into the sides of the calf muscle, and then would press her fingertips into the small muscles in the front of my leg. She worked this pattern back and forth, and then would take both her hands and wrap them around my lower leg and squeeze, like she was giving it its own little hug. She did this all the way down to just above my ankle. The more she worked, the better my calf muscles felt. The ache from the weekend's strains was very present, and the pressure would actually intensify the pain somewhat, but then she would release it, and it would feel better. I know that I winced and groaned several times in response to that ache, but then I'd take a deep breath with the relief that came with her touch.

"And, rule number one with any kind of massage, you have to drink lots. Those aches are actually toxins that are sitting in the muscles. Massage kind of wrings them out, but if you don't drink enough water to flush them out, they'll just go sit somewhere else. That's why lots of people end up with more aches, all over their bodies, the next day, if they don't drink enough. So, get going on that apple juice, mister…" she teased. She stroked my leg downward in one direction when she was done, sat back and stretched.

I reached out, and pulled her toward me, and she sat by me on the couch. I took one of her hands, and began giving her hand a massage of its own. She smiled and laughed.

"What are you doing?"

"Returning the favor. That looked like some hard work, and I thought I'd help you out. I don't want your hands to get cramped and not be able to do more of that tomorrow!" She laughed heartily, but let me finish. I was studious at finding the muscles and tendons in her hand. I imagined the parts of my own hands I'd need to massage and shake loose, if I had been hanging on to something for a long time or done other tasks that required those muscles to work hard. Throughout this little exchange, we would share eye contact, speaking through a glance what thoughts could not be expressed by words alone. She must have enjoyed the repayment, because she let me take the other hand and give it the same treatment. I was yawning by the time I was done.

"Alright, you… off to bed before you get too sleepy for your own good." She leaned over and kissed me briefly, then moved to help me put the air cast back on, and handed the crutches to me as I got up. I went in and brushed my teeth, but didn't bother to change – I had pretty much been laying around in what I'd sleep in anyway, sweats and a t-shirt. Gabby simplified the 'tucking me in' routine, but sat down on the edge of the bed for a few minutes next to me.

She smiled down at me. "You look like you're feeling better."

I chuckled in a low tenor. "It helps not being gorked out of my mind with those drugs…"

She nodded knowingly. "Well, you look… calmer, too. More at peace."

"Uhh, yeah… I kind of got a few things off my mind today, that had been sitting there for a while," I smiled, raising my eyebrows in a not-too-pointed expression at her. I loved watching the blush that crept up her cheeks as she smiled shyly.

"Well, good thing you got that *off* your mind…" she tried to tease back.

"Mmm, good point… you're definitely *not* *off* my mind…" I said, reaching up to her neck, to pull her down for a gentle but fervent kiss.

"You're not off mine, either," she smiled. "Now get some sleep. We've got things to do tomorrow." I smiled sleepily at her, and didn't bother to ask what those things were. I decided to sleep in the glow of that last kiss.


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Sorry it's been a few days since I updated! Back to work and all with RL… but this is an extra-long chapter for you as a consolation! Please read my note at the end, and subsequent request for ideas and feedback. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Except this new printer I bought. Cuz my old one started eating paper. Apparently it needed more fiber in its diet.

Chapter 14

I awoke the next morning to the smell of breakfast cooking. If my palate didn't deceive me, I detected eggs, bacon, and… something bready… my mind first substituted waffles, but I don't have a waffle maker, so unless Dawson smuggled one into my house, it was more likely pancakes.

I was fairly clear-headed this morning, for having taken pain meds the night before, and wasn't too achey. I was capable of getting myself up and moving, especially with the tractor-beam of breakfast aroma drawing me toward the kitchen.

"Hey," I said, and it came out as a hoarse whisper. Guess I was going to fight the post-intubation throat issue for a while longer. Of course, it had just been since yesterday morning. Hadn't it? Wow… so much had happened… it seemed like more than just 24 hours ago.

"Well, look who's up," Dawson greeted me with a smile. I glanced at the clock, and didn't think it was that late. I guess 7am is late for those of us who are used to getting up earlier, but I had been in a somewhat-drug-induced sleep. At least that was the excuse I was going with at the moment.

"I was having this incredible dream that an angel showed up in my kitchen and cooked breakfast for me… and I awoke to find it was a dream come true," I smiled at her, and appreciated the blush. Okay, that was a little cheesy, even for me.

Dawson sat a plate down in front of me, with a side of apple juice. "Sounds like you could still use plenty of this," she said, pointing to the glass. I hummed and nodded my head in agreement, but wasted no time in hitting the pancakes. I groaned with appreciation.

"These are so good!" I said, finally pausing long enough to add some butter. "You know, I usually just have cereal for breakfast, if I'm not at work. My kitchen hasn't seen this kind of action in… well, maybe since the last owner!" I chuckled to myself at the thought.

"I'm glad you like it. The pancakes are a family recipe. I could tell you but then I'd have to enter you into a witness protection program. It's rumored the Mob was after my grandmother for some of her recipes."

I chuckled, but Dawson continued to give me a very serious look. When I responded with a serious expression and raised eyebrows, she burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes at her game.

"Sorry," she laughed. "That was just too easy. And too funny." She was quite pleased with herself.

We ate companionably, chatting about random things. She informed me that our "things to do" today primarily included us going to Children's Hospital to visit my volunteer post. Today would have been the day I'd be going anyway, and Dawson decided I needed to have something to do since I was starting to feel better.

I couldn't believe how much I was looking forward to going back. I had thought about the babies off and on since my injury, when I wasn't busy falling asleep from the medications. It was one of the few things that gave me a little bit of comfort, when I knew I was going to be off work for a while. I decided I could always volunteer more. I had to keep a balance, though… I really didn't want to get over-attached to these little people. I was so afraid of the broken heart that would come with it. I was going to have to work on that, I thought to myself.

After getting cleaned up and getting dressed (I even managed a pair of jeans instead of sweats), Gabby and I made our way down to Children's. She was going back to work this afternoon, covering part of a shift for another paramedic, but she was going to hang with me today. It meant a lot that she had spent so much time with me. I mean, I know we had something going now, but I still didn't expect her to wait on me hand-and-foot. It was nice just to have her around, though.

Elyse was happy to see us. She asked how everything was, and I assured her I was well enough to help out however I could. I introduced her to Gabriella, and said she would help out today, too. Elyse was glad for the help; in the week I'd been gone, only one of the babies had left, and two more had arrived. I was secretly happy that my little Squeaker was still there. I couldn't wait for Gabby to hear her.

Elyse helped us get situated, as Gabby and I washed hands and gowned. Elyse found a footstool that went with the glider rocker – apparently there were rockers in each of the family rooms with a footstool, so she just borrowed one that wasn't being used. I thanked her for the special arrangement, and she brought me one of the babies that was in need of a bottle. I decided I would probably have to skip changing them today, as it appeared I'd be doing mostly sitting. But then the rocking, holding, and feeding were my favorite parts so far, anyway.

I looked up from the little guy I was feeding to see Gabby swaying gently and patting a small bundle she was holding. I wondered something.

"So, Dawson, this is clearly something I felt called to in the last few weeks. I know why I'm here, and I'm guessing you're here today because I'm here. So tell me… is this your cup of tea? Or are you just tolerating it for my sake?" I really wanted to know if she was just hanging out because of me, or if this was something she actually enjoyed.

She smiled in response. "Oh, I love this. I don't think it's something I would necessarily have sought out on my own, but now that I'm here…" she glanced down at the little balled up person in her arms. "This is great."

"Okay. That's good. I didn't want you bumming around just because it's what I had chosen to do."

"No, the most recent experience I've had is with my brother Antonio's kids. They're cute, but they're like 6 and 8 now. And that age is a lot of fun on its own, but there's something about the baby stage that you really miss when they're not there anymore. I don't know… a kind of innocence, maybe? Sort of a clean slate… like nobody's written on their hearts yet." I nodded, understanding and absorbing the thought.

"I was having similar thoughts the other day when I was here. I was thinking about what kind of influences these kids would have in their lives, good or bad, and how much those influences shape who they become. Or is that who they'd become anyway?"

"Ah, the old 'nature versus nurture' debate. How philosophical of you, Casey," she teased, smiling at me.

I smirked and rolled my eyes a little. "So, there are a lot of firefighters in my family. But there are also carpenters, architects, and engineers. When I was a kid, I had Tinker Toys, Erector sets, and Lincoln Logs. I loved that stuff. I mean, I had other toys, too, but those were my favorites. So maybe if I had had more GI Joes, or more Matchbox cars, would I still have become a contractor that does construction? Or would I have wanted to race cars, or fix cars, or be in the army? I just wonder about how influential those things are."

"That's a good question. I guess most of my family are in the 'helping professions' – we've got lawyers, doctors, nurses, cops, a few teachers. But my biggest influences were coaches and teachers along the way, who I saw as role models. I spent an entire school year tagging along with the team trainer, to football games, basketball games, baseball games. It was fascinating, and I definitely caught the medical bug from that. But as far as where it came from… who knows. My direct family influence was probably mostly from my mother and my grandmother, and that was all cooking influence. I know my way around a kitchen."

"Yeah you do…" I chimed in appreciatively.

"I guess my family always supported me, let me know that I was strong and intelligent, and I could do anything I wanted as long as I was willing to work hard for it. I felt a lot of love and confidence from my family, like they would be there for me, no matter what I decided to do."

I pondered her words, while I picked the little guy up and put him up to my shoulder, patting his back. I thought about whether that influence was there for me, in my family. I knew they were proud of me, in their own ways. But my mom and dad had been kind of a train wreck, and the way things turned out…

"I went through a time in my late teens, where I kind of had to fend for myself," I told Gabby, not wanting to go into all the details right now. I would tell her about everything later, just now wasn't the appropriate time. "It was probably more my uncles, who helped out a lot, who kind of got me going where I ended up. I worked construction jobs with them in the summers to make money, and spent my childhood going to events at the fire house. So it was kind of a no-brainer where to go to start doing what I ended up doing as a career. But I love both my jobs – it's not like I do either one just to make money. With the fire house… well, you know how it is. That job is just in your blood. And you know why we do it." She nodded and smiled in response. "With construction… it's like I get to see something start to finish, and have that sense of accomplishment when I'm done. Lots of things in life, you don't get to see the whole thing from beginning to end. You don't ever see the resolution. I get that with building things. Especially the jobs where we get to make things a little nicer for someone."

She was nodding. "Like when you guys went and built that ramp for the family of the kid who couldn't walk after that accident. Or… making someone's kitchen a little nicer, with a new window…" She smiled at me, a silent thanks sparkling in her eyes. I smiled back, recalling that she liked me, even then. And I liked her. Wow, we had come a long ways in a short time.

I handed off the now-sleeping little boy to her, and she laid him back in his bassinet. She went and picked up another fussy baby, but just as she was about to bring him over to me, we heard another cry pierce the room – followed by a squeak. The biggest smile broke out across Gabriella's face, and I chuckled with laughter.

"See, I told you!" I said, laughing. Gabby put down the baby she was about to bring to me, and instead brought me my friend Squeaker. I took her in my arms, and marveled at how much her tiny features had filled out and transformed, even just in the past week. She continued to fuss a bit, while Gabby sought out another bottle for me. She had to check them off with the nurses at the desk, as Elyse needed them to record whatever we did for the babies, including how much they ate, and at what time.

"Hey, what's all the fuss about?" I asked my tiny little friend. "Did somebody miss their buddy Matt? Have all these boys in here been driving you nuts, little Squeaker?" She continued to make her adorable noises, until Gabby finally brought me a bottle for her. They were tiny little two-ounce bottles, and I could tell by the way she was pulling on this one, she was going to need more than just two ounces. But her eyes were open again as she started to eat, and she still paused in her sucking every time I talked to her.

"What have you guys been up to this week? Did you have a lot of chores to do? I'm sure rearranging the blankets in your bed takes a lot of time and energy," I continued to babble on. Gabby just grinned and shook her head, as she looked over her shoulder at me from where she was changing a diaper on a baby.

"Crush much, Casey?" she teased me from across the room. I grinned sheepishly down at the little person.

"It's different with us, isn't it, baby? You're fascinating and lovable in a whole different way than Miss Gabriella over there…" I continued to croon to the baby, if you could still call it crooning with a scratchy voice.

Gabby chuckled. "You're too sweet, Matt. It's just adorable to watch how you light up when you engage with them. I think I said it the other day, but it's a side of you I never imagined. But it fits so perfectly, now that I see you with them. You really needed this outlet."

I pondered that a moment. "Yeah, I really did. I feel so much more at peace now, with so many of my decisions. It's like I just needed to see the possibilities for the future."

We spent until lunch time with the babies, and talked to Elyse on our way out. She had a suggestion of a little variety for me, since I was going to be coming a little more often in the next few weeks. She told me about a family that had had triplets who, although relatively healthy for their gestational age, were still too small to go home, and needed some extra support, so they were staying in the NICU – just down the hall – until they were big enough to go home. The father worked most of the time, so the mom definitely needed some extra hands with all those babies. I told her I'd love to try it out, as long as I could still come back and help out with these guys.

We headed out, and on the way to the parking lot, Gabby asked if I was hungry.

"I could eat," I replied.

"Good, me too."

"What are you hungry for?" I asked.

"Oh, I know a place," she replied with a twinkle in her eye.

She didn't tell me where we were going, but I kind of figured it out halfway there. When you've worked where I work as long as I have, you get to the point where you could find your way there blindfolded. So it didn't surprise me when we pulled up to Fire House 51.

"Someone must have gotten the down-lo on the menu today…" I glanced at her, eyebrows raised, but with a grin.

"Hey, you know they have good food here. Especially when Mills is cooking."

Ah, Mills. I knew he had a thing for Gabriella, but it was like a puppy trying to please a wolf. Or a panther. It was cute, as long as he didn't try anything. I didn't want to have to blatantly mark my territory or anything, but I wasn't beneath it, either.

We walked in to the fragrant aroma of something very rich-smelling, and my hunger went from a 4 to about a 7 or 8 on the scale of one-to-ten. But I didn't get very far before all the guys were on their feet, cheering me, man-hugging and bro-fisting me on the back.

"Good to see you upright, Casey," Mouch greeted me.

"Casey, how ya doin'? Ya look better than the last time we saw ya…" Hermann acknowledged.

"I'm good guys, thanks. Didn't expect to feel that much better after surgery, but in this case, apparently putting things back in their right place really helped."

"Man, after that guy who fell on you? Trust me, Casey, he was no lightweight. Probably lucky that was all he messed up," Cruz chimed in. That's right, it was Cruz who helped the guy out of the building after he… fell on me? Ran me over? Landslided into me? Whatever you'd call it.

"Lieutenant," Mills came over and shook my hand. "Good to see you back. I see Dawson's been taking good care of you," he said, glancing at her.

"Yeah, she's a good caregiver," I replied diplomatically. "But whatever's cooking smells great. You guys about ready to eat?" I said, transferring the compliment and the subject at once.

Severide and the Chief walked in at that moment. Severide glanced around. "Somebody said its chow time?" Then he spotted me. "Casey! You just can't stay away from us, can you?" He glad-handed me on the back, and immediately pulled a chair out for me at the corner of the table, and brought a second chair around to prop my foot on.

"Good to see you up and around, Casey," the chief patted my shoulder and shook my hand. "Don't get any crazy ideas about following us on call if we get one, though. I know what your doctor's orders are," he said in mock severity. I laughed and assured him I couldn't move that fast yet.

Mills brought out the chicken mac and cheese, and it was suddenly apparent why we were here. That sneaky little… no wonder Gabby wanted to come for lunch. It was one of her grandmother's favorites, and I knew she had taught Mills to make it. It was one of those kitchen-y things I had seen them bonding over early on in Mills' stay with us. That's okay, I knew she was with me, and it *was* a really great dish. Besides, she had to work, and so it was nice for her to have a break from cooking for me.

We ate in the usual jovial companionship of the fire house, and the meal was blessedly uninterrupted by calls. Severide was getting off shift in about 30 minutes, and since Gabby was staying on to work, Kelly was going to take me back home and hang out for a while. There was apparently a "world's deadliest something-or-other" marathon on, that we just *had* to watch. I was game for it… it had been a long time since Kelly and I had had so much brotherly bonding time. With things being on the 'outs' for as long as they were with us after Andy's death, it was good to feel like we were getting back to normal.

It was also good to feel the camaraderie of the guys throughout lunch. I knew my job wasn't in jeopardy or anything, but other guys had told me before that when they were out of work for a while, you kind of start to question your position on the team. It was clear that these guys still looked up to me as one of their lieutenants, and they didn't think any less of me as a result of my injury. They even shared some recent calls, and asked my opinion on things. It was good to be a part of the team, even if only in an advisory capacity for now.

A/N: I know… it feels like an awful lot of bonding and fluff for the last few chapters. I'm trying to decide whether its time to wrap this story up, or if I should throw a monkey-wrench in there somewhere, and churn up a little more drama. Please review, and share with me your thoughts and opinions… I value them so much! Or… if you don't want everyone else to read your review, you're welcome to PM me any time as well. I value feedback! -MH


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I gave Kelly a hard time on the way back to my place, because his muscly little muscle car slid all over the place on the snow-covered roads. I told him he was more than welcome to borrow my truck since I couldn't drive at the moment. He thanked me, but reminded me he was just too cool to be seen in a construction vehicle. I laughed, and he grinned at his own humor.

We shared some companionable conversation while watching the "deadliest" marathon and partaking of some fancy beer some guy had dropped off at the station as a thank-you. We always reminded people that it was our job, but so many felt the need to thank us in some way for our service. I reminded Severide not to let me take any of my pain meds since I was drinking beer. He laughed and made a comment about having done worse, and I told him I didn't want to know.

When we got bored of the show we were watching, we went a little juvenile and busted out the Xbox. I don't even know what we were playing, but it was some shooter game where we were teamed together, rather than against each other… which was probably a really good thing for us. We had a blast blowing things up and strategizing together, and would occasionally pause to comment on how – if this mayhem actually took place in real life – this would keep us up to our eyeballs in calls at work. I felt like a kid again, and for just a short time, it was like Andy was never gone, and there was never a rift between us. It gave me hope that our friendship was finally healing for good.

We had raided the fridge together and reheated some of the leftovers of Gabby's amazing culinary talents. While Severide was very cautious with me moving around, once I was seated, there was at least one crutch sword fight that broke out, and some other strange game we made up, involving rolled up socks and utilizing one crutch as a bat, and the other as a sort of hockey stick. I realized how grateful I was that Hallie's breakable stuff was gone, and that there wasn't much on the walls… we might have caused some damage if that were not the case. It was the most physical activity I'd seen in a while, and helped me get psyched up for upcoming physical therapy appointments, so I could get moving again.

I took advantage of having another guy there when it was close to bedtime, and had Severide help me with getting a shower again, so that Gabby wouldn't have to be put in that awkward position yet. I had fallen asleep pretty quickly, after realizing I had slept less today than I had all week, and my body probably wasn't used to being awake this much.

I woke with a start at around 3am, finding myself in a panic. I knew I had been scared by something in a bad dream, but the second I woke up, I had couldn't remember the dream. I knew it had something to do with Gabby, and I was afraid for her safety. I had no idea why, though. Knowing she would be at work, I grabbed my phone from the night stand and texted her.

_Hey, just woke up from a bad dream. Wanted to know you're OK. –Casey_

I figured I wouldn't hear back from her for a while, but she texted right back.

_I'm good… sorry you had a bad dream. Need a bedtime story? –Gabby_

I smiled.

_Sure… what have you got in mind? –Casey_

_Once upon a time…_

I chuckled quietly. In short little messages, Gabby strung together a cute little story about a boy who wanted to be a firefighter when he grew up, but he was too small. He was the size of a baby. And people kept swaddling him in blankets, which hindered him from being able to climb ladders. And people kept trying to feed him bottles, when really he wanted to use them to extinguish fires. And he tried to tell the people what he wanted, but they just ignored him and called him Squeaker. I laughed at her silly attempt to weave together our experiences with the babies, and my chosen career path. I replied when she finally texted "the end".

_Great. Now I'm going to have weird dreams about creepy baby-men trying to be firefighters. –Casey_

_LOL –Gabby_

_Thank you, though. I feel much more calm now. –Casey_

_Good. Get some rest, and I'll see you in the morning. Wait, it is morning. Okay, I'll see you in a few hours. __ -Gabby_

_Thanks. Have a safe shift. –Casey_

I was able to get back to sleep fairly well, not thinking about the creepy images Gabby had strung together, but with the thought of her sitting in a rocking chair, telling stories to the babies as we spent time with them. It was a precious, comforting image to me, and it took me to a nice restful place in my mind.

A/N: Okay, it was a short chapter, but I needed to update. I'm still here, just working through RL and all its ups and downs! Looking forward to more writing time this weekend, but don't know how much I'll get. If you have ideas for where you'd like to see the story go, please share in a review. I've got plans for them, I just need to keep the story moving in order to get there! –MH


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Okay, so this is pulling an element from a recent show, and weaving it into my story. Not saying the outcome will be the same at all… just acknowledging I gathered inspiration from the plot point.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Chicago Fire, NBC, or anything important like that. I do, however, own a SpotBot carpet cleaning device, which works magically. The only drawback is, once you clean a spot, it is so clean it makes the rest of your carpet look like crap, so you have to go ahead and clean it all. But for cat hairball messes, it does some magic. Dear Bissel, you're welcome for the free advertising.

Chapter 16

I didn't think I had set an alarm clock, but I swore I heard a phone ringing, and it woke me up. As I was about to drift back to sleep, Severide came running into the room, grabbing my shoulder to shake me awake.

"Casey, wake up. There's been an accident."

I sat up with a start, and almost got out of bed without remembering I couldn't walk on my own yet. Kelly stopped me with a hand to my chest, and handed me the crutches.

"What's happened?"

"I'm not sure, they said the ambulance was in an accident… Dawson and Shay. Chief said we could meet them at the ER."

It was the call you hoped you'd never get. And here I was on the wrong side of it.

For not being fully independent, I managed to get ready in a hurry. Severide's car was already running when I came outside, and he came back to make sure I got down the steps and into his car okay.

"Did they say anything about condition? Or what happened?" I asked, trying to maintain calm, but also trying to process through our anxiety. I say our anxiety, because Kelly's driving left no doubt he was worried about his roommate, Shay.

"Nothing. Just said they were hit in the middle of an intersection where the ambulance was on scene, and it seemed to truly be an accident – blown tire or something – and not a drunk driver or anything. Chief said the good news was that there was already another ambulance en route to the scene, so they already had help on the way."

I stopped to think of all the things that could have happened. I wondered if there were just bumps and bruises, or… I knew it was worse than that, because they had been transported by another ambulance to an ER. There was no way either Shay or Dawson would tolerate a trip to the ER – as a patient – if there were only scrapes or bumps. _God, please let her be okay. I just figured us out… _It was a silent but fervent prayer.

When we got to the emergency entrance, Kelly parked in one of the spots reserved for emergency vehicles (a benefit of having CFD plates), and we entered through the sliding doors. Chief Boden met us five feet inside the door.

"Easy guys, easy…" the Chief put his hand up to stop our momentum. Severide was anxiously looking past him to the emergency bays. Just as they turned a corner with the gurney, we saw a blood-soaked Shay, collared, boarded and intubated. The chief could see Kelly wasn't stopping once he saw Shay. "Kelly, let them do their work. She's in the best hands she can be right now." Severide reluctantly stopped, but his face contorted in anguish. I reached over and put my hand on his back, unable to provide much more stability than that at the moment.

My mind was racing. I know Shay and I haven't been that close, but we work together, I see her all the time. Even though I'm not as close to her as Kelly is, it's still shocking to see someone in that kind of condition. I mean, we see it all the time at work, but it's just… different when it's someone you know.

And then it hit me. _Gabby._ You know, when something traumatic has happened, you have those moments – just seconds – where you forget it happened? It's like your mind's way of protecting itself from the onslaught of whatever the horror is. I was momentarily distracted by seeing Shay, and then a wave came over me, realizing that Dawson was here somewhere, too, and could be in as bad – if not worse – condition.

At that moment, a nurse in teal green scrubs approached the three of us. It was as if someone heard the plea in my head.

"Which one of you is named Casey?" she asked. I immediately snapped to attention.

"That's me…"

"You can come with me… She's asking for you."

I glanced at the Chief and Severide, and Chief nodded to me, grabbing Severide by the shoulders and leading him to a waiting area. Kelly still looked stunned and shell-shocked. I followed the nurse down the hall, realizing I had made the assumption it was Gabriella asking for me, and not Shay. The relief I felt was indescribable, but came with a side of guilt. I realized that, if Gabby was well enough to ask for me, that probably was a good thing. But I also realized that it wouldn't have been Shay asking for me, since she was intubated and very clearly appeared unconscious. I felt guilty about the relief I had, knowing that Gabby wasn't in as bad of a state.

We entered one of the emergency bays – a room with a door, rather than the curtained sections. She was on the gurney, flat on her back, with a doctor and a nurse around her head, and another pair of scrub-clad workers near her legs. Her left pant-leg had been cut open to her knee, and the staff were tending to her leg. The woman who called me back led me to a stool next to the head of the bed.

Dawson's eyes met mine as soon as I was in her line of sight.

"Hey…" I immediately reached down and grasped her hand.

"Casey… I'm so sorry… I didn't want you to worry…" She looked relieved to see me, but upset at the same time.

I chuckled a little incredulously. "Why are you apologizing? It sounds like it was an accident."

Tears began to well at the corners of her eyes. "There's just been so much lately… and you're just starting to recover… and I know how awful it feels to get *that* phone call…"

"Hey, hey… it's alright. I'm here, and I'm just so relieved you're okay." I glanced up at the doctor nearby. "She's okay, right?" I confirmed.

"I think she'll be fine. She's got a head lac we're tending to, and I'm going to have a trauma team member come and take a look at her leg just to make sure, but it doesn't look like anything that will need more than stitches at first glance. She got lucky," the doctor replied.

"Lucky…" I heard Gabriella grumble quietly. "More like 'angels watching over me', that's what my mom would say…" I smiled at her and rubbed the back of her hand.

"Okay, what have we got?" I heard the voice of the trauma team member as she entered the room, and realized who it was.

"Ambulance crew, hit on scene, I've got the head lac, just need you to rule out any other trauma to the left leg in the tib-fib area before I suture the leg lac…" the other doctor shared.

"Gabriella…"

"Hi… Hallie…"

"Matt?"

"Hey, Hal…"

We all shared awkward glances, but I felt strangely at peace with where I was standing, and even proud that I was holding Gabby's hand at that moment. I made no move to let go.

Hallie, ever the professional, got down to business right away, and took a look at Gabby's leg injury. "Wow, it's right on the tibia, but it looks like the tibialis anterior is still intact. I think you should just be able to suture it, but I'd debrade it first." She looked up at me, and then at Gabby's face momentarily. Then she continued. "Can we… get an x-ray, just to confirm?" she asked.

Since the room we were in was equipped with digital imaging, we all just had to temporarily exit the room so that the techs could take the images. I squeezed Gabby's hand, holding it up and kissing the back of it before releasing it. "I'll be right outside, okay?" She smiled, acknowledging.

Outside the room, I was prepared for Hallie's questions. In the back of my mind, I wondered if that wasn't the reason for her request for the x-ray, but I also knew her to be a thorough clinician.

"So, Matt… what happened to your leg?" she asked, nodding at the crutches.

"Tore my A… TF… L? Is that what it's called?" I smiled, a little unsure of my medical lingo.

"Yeah, the one that goes to your heel bone. Wow, that's a nasty injury. On a call?"

"Yeah. Had surgery to repair it already. It feels a lot better than it did."

"I bet." She paused, glancing at me, then back over her shoulder to the room where Gabriella was. "I know it's been a few weeks, but… it seems like I've missed a lot." Our eyes met, and I didn't look away. I wasn't angry, I was even a little compassionate. But I held her gaze, totally at peace with where I was at, and the decisions I'd made recently.

"Well, time moves on, you know? I'm doing okay… everybody's been great at helping out since my injury." I paused. "How about you?" I really did care, I didn't want her to think I was a complete jerk. Just because I had moved on didn't mean I didn't respect her as a person.

"Oh, you know me, I'm forever busy with work. It's non-stop here, especially with snow and ice season. Never a dull moment."

I nodded, and we stood for a few seconds in silence. One of the techs popped their head out of the room. "Doctor? You can come view the images."

Hallie headed for the door, gesturing to myself and the other medical team members. "Hang on for a second, let me just make sure we don't need more pictures…" She was gone for only a minute or two, then came back out, nodding the 'all clear' to the rest of the medical team. As they re-entered the room, she approached me again.

"Everything looks intact, and Dr. Karsen can finish suturing. She'll be sore for a while, but she's a tough lady. She'll be fine," She told me, in way of updating me on Gabby's condition. Then she looked at me sincerely. "I'm glad you're doing okay, Matt. I… know what it's like to get 'that phone call', so I'm glad Gabriella is okay. Take care of yourself, okay?" she concluded, putting a gentle hand to my arm, and glancing down at my splinted foot then back to my eyes.

I nodded in response. I could see the hurt in her eyes, maybe a small acknowledgement of what she had lost, but that look of "I can't give you what you want" was still haunting the deep recesses of her irises. I knew I had made the right decision. "Thanks, Hal," I tipped my head in her direction, and then re-entered the room Gabby was in.

When I returned to her side, she had one eye closed, and the other eye half-open, and the team at her head had begun the somewhat gruesome task of suturing her head lac. I grimaced, looking a little to the side, and met her eyes as I took her hand again. "Doesn't that hurt?" I winced on her behalf.

She smiled a little at me. "Lidocaine, Casey. It's a miracle drug. You missed that part. How's Hallie?" she asked, changing the subject and pinning me with a knowing look.

"Oh, I think she's okay. I recognized the look on her face."

"You did?"

"Yeah. It's that 'I can't have what I want and it sucks to watch someone else have it but I made my own bed so I'm going to go lie in it now' look." The corner of my mouth turned up in a wry half-smile. Gabby just squeezed my hand in return.

A/N: Okay, so I don't have all the hospitals figured out… my town has two, so I'm sure a place like Chicago has about five billion. And I'm not sure what they call the one Hallie works at, but I figured you'd all follow where I was going with it. I apologize for the slow updates this week… my child has had her own medical issues that we've been wrestling with, and then I had two funerals this weekend. RL is sometimes busy, and at other times, it just bombards you! But now that I've updated, please, share the love! Reviews are the only way I know what you're thinking about this story… please share your thoughts and ideas with me! -MH


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

It didn't take Gabby long to ask how Shay was… she was all too aware of the condition in which Shay had been upon transport. I told her I'd go check, while the doctors were still tending to her leg wound.

I wended my way down the hall to where I found the chief and Severide standing outside a room, Boden looking intense, and Kelly pacing a rut into the tile. Chief glanced my way as I approached.

"Don't go trying to sneak up on anyone right now, Casey," Boden deadpanned, teasing the clunk-step, clunk-step of my crutched gait.

"Anything yet?" I asked. Kelly glanced my direction, but kept pacing.

"Doctors came out a minute ago. She's stable, as far as her blood pressure and all, but they're concerned about unequal pupil dilation, and the fact that she hasn't regained consciousness. They're going to do a brain scan to see if there's any bleeding or swelling."

I grabbed Severide's arm on his next pass. "Hey. That's good news so far… You know she's an ass-kicker. She's not goin' anywhere," I said in an attempt to reassure him. He held my gaze for a minute, then patted my hand on his arm, and kept walking. I knew better than to try and encourage him to sit down… he would when he got tired, or got better news, or the chief ordered him to. I thanked the chief for the information, and let him know I was going to go update Dawson.

"How's she doin'?" the chief asked as I was about to walk away.

"She'll be alright. She's got a cut on her head and one on her leg, but both just requiring stitches. She got off easy, from the sounds of it."

"Yeah, strange, freak accident. You just never know, do you?" chief said, looking a little wistful.

"No, I guess you don't. I'll check back later," I nodded to him.

I headed back down the hall, and heard slightly raised voices from inside Gabby's room. I re-entered cautiously.

"I said I don't *need* one…" Gabriella was sitting up now, appearing to struggle away from the nurse in the room, who was wielding a syringe.

"Gabriella, you know the protocol… the cut on your leg came from metal, and your last vaccination was more than five years ago…" Hallie was back, apparently arguing with Gabby about what I now guessed to be a tetanus booster.

"Oh, Hallie, give me a break, it's not like there was *rust* on the truck…"

"That's now how we…"

I cleared my throat. "Everything okay in here?"

"Casey, tell her. I know my rights," Gabby protested loudly.

"Matt, I…"

"Hey, Hallie… can you just give us a minute, please? Let me talk to her," I asked, giving her a gentle pleading look.

"Fine," she said shortly, nodding to the RN, and exiting the room with her. I moved over to the side of the gurney, where Gabby's legs now dangled off the side.

"So… what'd I miss?" I asked gently, raising my hand to rub along her sleeve.

"It was fine. They were finishing the sutures, and just as they were about done, Hallie came charging in, demanding that I needed another tetanus shot. I told her it hadn't been ten years yet – you know we keep pretty meticulous records of those things – and then she starts going on about dirty ambulances and *her* liability. I just felt like… like she was looking for a reason to – literally – stick it to me." She looked down at her knees, appearing somewhat like a forlorn child. I felt the corners of my mouth start to turn upward, betraying my attempt to take her seriously.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Casey," she warned.

"I'm not laughing at you," I said with a grin. "You are just so adorable right now… I wish I could just take you home and cuddle you."

She looked up at me through long lashes. "Okay, let's go. Now. Before they come back."

I chuckled, my cheeks warming at her eagerness. "First, tell me something."

"Okay…"

"The ambulance… was it totally clean? In the accident, could it have been dirty or contaminated with anything that could be a risk with that cut?" I asked gently but firm in my direction.

"I suppose..." she reluctantly acknowledged.

"And… knowing what you know about medicine and vaccines, is there any risk of harm to you in getting another booster?"

"No, it just increases your coverage. It wouldn't be toxic or anything."

"And… honestly, now… are you… afraid of needles?"

"Casey!" she scolded, lightly whacking me with the back of her hand. "You know me better than that! Did you see how many times they stuck me with that lidocaine needle? Oh, wait, no you didn't see that. Well, it was a lot! And no, I'm not bothered by needles! It was just… the principle of the matter. It was like something unnecessary, and she just *had* to come in here, because she's mad, or jealous, or something…"

I smiled back at her. I was really trying not to make this an issue of pride for me, having two chicks fighting over me. But the truth is, knowing Hallie as I did, this was probably really just a medical protocol rule for her… she could be very 'by the book' about these things.

"If I told you that it was important to me that you just do this for your own health, would you do it?" I asked.

She looked at me with a reluctant glance. "Well, I probably would for *you*, but…"

"Then let me go get the nurse, so we can just take care of it, and get the heck out of here."

"Fine. But I don't want to leave yet… I want to see Shay."

"Okay, we can go see how she's doing. I just talked to the chief, and they aren't letting anyone in there yet. She's still unconscious, but her vitals look stable." I figured that was enough information for the moment.

Gabby looked at me with concern in her eyes. I saw the fear for her friend, the compassion, and a tiny bit of that fire I knew to be in her soul.

"Let's do this, so we can go. Call in Nurse Ratched…" I snorted at her grumpy reference, and gave the head-nod to the nurse, who had been waiting outside the door with a look on her face that crossed somewhere between anxiety and irritation.

I kept her conversing quietly with me and held her hand, as the nurse gave her the immunization. As soon as that was done, another nurse came in with forms for Gabby to sign, and then she was free. Gratefully, Hallie did not make a reappearance; I didn't want Gabby to go all Chuck Norris on her or something.

We headed back down the hall, and met the chief and Severide, in just about the same place as before. I chuckled to myself that Kelly had not yet fallen through the rut he was wearing in the floor.

"Dawson, I take it you have permission to be up and around?" the chief asked upon our approach. Gabby waved the yellow paper in her hand.

"Got my walking papers right here, Chief," she responded.

"Good to see. You take it easy, though, hear me?" he asked in more of a fatherly tone than any sort of real challenge.

"I'm takin' it easy, Chief. How's Shay?"

"Doctor says she's stable, they're just making sure nothing else is really wrong. She's responding to stimuli, she just hasn't come around yet."

Gabby peered in the window of the room, seeing that her co-worker and friend was still intubated, but was at least a little more cleaned up than she had seen her when they came in… someone had at least tended to her head wounds and removed her blood-stained uniform in favor of a hospital gown. I came behind her, close enough for her to know I was there, but giving her some space.

"Shay is gonna kick someone's ass when she comes to," she chuckled silently to herself.

"What makes you say that?"

"Cuz if she's got that gown on, someone stripped her, and she's gonna want names." We both chuckled.

I talked Gabby into going to the cafeteria to get something to eat, promising to bring back food and drinks for Chief and Severide, with their promise that they'd call us if anything changed.

I watched her as she sipped soda and nibbled half-heartedly on some breadsticks. I still found myself having moments where I would think back to knowing this woman as my friend, my colleague, all these years… and then realizing how she had been seeing me for so long… and then realizing she had always had a special place in my heart…

She caught me gazing.

"What?" she asked, a little self-conscious.

"Just marveling… at how pretty you are."

She half-chuckled, half-gasped. "Casey, I'm a mess. I have this fabulous bandage covering up the new Frankenstein tattoo on my head, I'm grimy from whatever other mess got all over me in the accident…"

I grabbed her hand. "Beautiful."

She looked me in the eye for a minute, then a shy grin appeared at the corner of her mouth. "Fair enough," she said. I gave her a questioning look.

"I… spent plenty of time admiring your… beauty… when you slept after your injury. And when you slept that weekend. And when you were still sleepy after surgery." I grinned, raising my eyebrows at her. "I know, it sounds creepy and stalker-ish… but… I guess I can understand the appeal of… just watching."

I smiled back at her. "And if you can appreciate someone in a drug-induced sleep, it doesn't get much messier than that, does it?"

We grasped hands, enjoying the quiet moment together.

When we returned to the ER, Boden and Severide had finally found a place nearby to sit down. Gabby handed off the sandwiches and sodas we had picked up for them, and asked for an update. They had apparently determined that Shay had a pretty good concussion, but there was no brain swelling or bleeding. They were going to keep her for observation, and were going to be moving her to a room in the ICU until she at least regained consciousness.

Knowing that Gabby was tired and aching, and I had been upright longer than I had in a week, I talked Gabby into heading back to my place to rest, knowing that not a lot would change with Shay overnight. We said our goodnights, and headed out.

When we pulled in the driveway, I got out and savored the crisp, cold night air for a moment. It was dark, but the shimmer off the snow gave its own ambient light, making the night look different than at other times of the year. Looking up through my clouding breath, I observed the clear night sky.

"Hey look," I said to Gabby as she came around my side of the car. "Orion…" I pointed up to the constellation.

"Which one? Show me…" she asked. I pointed out the features, and explained that it was only a winter constellation, so we wouldn't be able to see it in the summertime.

"My grandparents lived out East when we were growing up, and my granddad would show me constellations when they would come to visit. He told me he and Grandma would leave kisses for us in the Big Dipper, and hugs in Orion's arms. I always think of them when I see him."

"Oh, that's so sweet…" Gabby sighed, leaning her back against my chest. I leaned around and kissed her lips.

"This is good too, though… a little closer than the Big Dipper…" I continued to make soft advances. She turned, grinned, and started inching backwards away from me, toward the front steps.

"Hmmm… There's probably more where that came from, but you're going to have to come get them. Inside, where it's warm…"

A/N: Okay, so I have to go out of town this weekend, on an adventure, so I thought I'd better give y'all an update before I left. I am praying for inspiration… I feel the need to either seriously develop this story, or wrap it and move on to new and exciting fictional horizons! BTW – did anyone see the "real life" video on the news of the Russian firefighter getting noofed by a snow drift while going up a ladder to save a small child? Crazy! It was scary, but funny, but heartwarming all at once! Someone should write a fic about that… -MH


	19. Chapter 18

A/N: Hello! Miss me? I missed y'all! (Well, most of you I followed in my one-offs, thanks for your support!) I'm back and ready to write! So… did anyone notice the "time warp" I did in that last chapter? That's what I get for writing too late at night! I think I took a 2- to 3-hour scene and made it last a whole day! It was early AM when the boys were awakened by the call, and it was night time by the time Gabby and Matt left the ER! Whoops… of course, that's not unheard of at our ER… It *could* take you all day! But I digress… Anyone ready for a new chapter? I am!

Chapter 18

When I got up Thursday morning, I wasn't surprised to see Gabby asleep on the couch still. She had struggled with getting to sleep the night before, and was having trouble getting comfortable anywhere with her aches and pains. Besides the two obvious injuries they had treated at the ER, her body had developed all kinds of bruises, from the tossing-around she had taken in the back of the ambulance in the accident. I also suspected she was having some post-trauma issues – flashbacks every time you close your eyes – something we all struggle with from time to time after really difficult calls or cases. After about 2 in the morning, I had finally talked her into taking one of my pain pills, just to help her get some sleep. I was glad to see she appeared to have slept through the night after that.

I managed to get myself a bowl of cereal on my own, fairly proud of myself for making it around the kitchen without waking Dawson. I had already texted Severide, to see if he could take me to my physical therapy appointment if Gabby wasn't up to it. I knew she wanted to go, but I really wanted her to get her rest after yesterday's accident.

It must have been the brewing coffee – which did smell enticing – that awakened her. She was so adorable, wandering in the kitchen yawning, and looking all sleepy. I poured her a steaming mug of joe, and she smiled back gratefully, as she sat on one of the stools by the counter. She was moving a lot slower than I was used to Dawson moving, and she couldn't hide the grimaces as her body reminded her of everywhere she had been yesterday.

"Morning, Beautiful. How are you feeling?" I asked gently, with a smile.

She groaned. "Like I've been hit by a truck. Oh wait, technically, I was." We both chuckled, and I groaned sympathetically with her. I slid the mug back away from her a bit, handing her a glass of water instead, and reaching for my pain pill bottle.

"Does your head hurt?" I asked. She stared at the pill bottle for a minute.

"I'm not sure what *doesn't* hurt. I mean, it's not all that painful, I just *ache* all over. This must be what clothes feel like after the spin cycle. I may never do laundry again…" she stared at some point past the counter, spacing off. She then shook her head, looked up at me, and said, "Okay, no more big drugs for me. Can I have the ibuprofen instead?"

I smiled, handing her the requested bottle, and putting the other one back in my accumulated "stash" on the counter. "See, it's not just me who doesn't like 'the fog'," I teased lightly.

"Ugh. I don't even like the feeling of lidocaine wearing off. Glad I slept through that last night. It's so… unsettling… like a part of your body isn't quite attached."

I raised my eyebrows, nodding. "Preaching to the choir, sister. I'm so glad to be done with those heavy hitters. I'm glad to have them when they're needed, but… good riddance."

My phone buzzed, with Kelly texting me back that he could pick me up at nine-thirty for my appointment. I told Gabby she could stay here and rest, but she really wanted to go along.

"Fine, but I'm still having Kelly drive us. You don't need to be under any more stress than necessary today," I told her.

She looked up at me, and smirked a little. "Look who's takin' care of who now," she teased.

I smiled, but replied, "Hey, if pay-back was an issue – which I know it's not – I'd owe a lot. I think I can stand to do a little nurturing today." We smiled at each other, sharing a warm moment.

I was able to get myself cleaned up and dressed, while Gabby did the same, and we sat on the couch together, watching a few flurries out the window while drinking our coffee. I could definitely get used to this.

Severide pulled up a few minutes early, looking tired but upbeat. He had been with Shay most of the night at the hospital, and updated us on her condition. She had regained consciousness, and everything seemed to be as well as expected at this point, although she was in just as much pain as Gabby, if not more. She didn't seem to have any brain effects from the concussion, but was having trouble moving her neck. The doctors had ruled out any permanent issues, but said she would need some physical therapy while she recovered, to help her work through the muscle injuries that occurred. We knew they were really close, and he was very protective of her. Just the fact that she had such a positive prognosis would help him fight his lack of quality sleep.

We headed for my PT appointment, and were greeted by Jerry pretty quickly. The hardest part about my appointment today was the need to get my foot moving again, to restore some range of motion. Jerry had asked if I had taken any pain meds before I came, and I had not. I wasn't feeling all that bad this morning, compared to how bad it *had* been recently. He encouraged me to go ahead and at least take some ibuprofen (which Dawson had in her bag, thankfully), as I would need it by the end of our session. Great, I thought.

We were in a small curtained-off room with a bed, a counter, and some other measuring devices and equipment. I sat on the bed, my right leg stretched out in front of me. Dawson helped Jerry remove my boot and sock, while I updated him on my last few days. It was strange to think I had only had surgery three days before – that was Monday, and this was Thursday. All things considered, I thought it was going really well.

He started his routine with some simple range-of-motion measurements, of which I didn't get very far on. I was a little startled at how little I was able to move my ankle on my own, and surprised by the strange pains that came from unusual, unexpected places within my foot and leg. He said all that was normal, given the type of injury and the surgery. He applied some warm heat to my ankle while he made notations in my chart, and said he would do some massage before manipulating the joint further.

I was a little anxious, but he was very reassuring, even as he stretched the tendons and ligaments through massage. The warm heat had really helped to loosen things up, and although it was uncomfortable at times, I didn't really feel any pain. Jerry continued to explain what he was doing, and Gabby paid close attention so that she could use similar techniques at home. He said he was happy to hear that she had already utilized the therapy techniques once, and I told him I was glad, too… with a bit of a smirk. They laughed.

Since I was sitting at a side-angle on the flat bed, he asked Gabby to sit behind my back for some resistance. She was next to me, but her right side was at my back. She was able to reach over and take my hand, and I was grateful. Jerry talked me through some breathing and visualization exercises as he continued to use his fingers to stretch tendons around my ankle. The breathing was helping, as I closed my eyes, attempting to relax and not worry about how this was going to feel. As he talked, I felt his hand cover the top of my foot, while his other hand went under my heel, and he began to pull my foot toward him, effectively pointing my toes down toward him.

I felt my breath catch, as my ankle made a strange squishy-grinding sound, and my muscles flared in hot pain. Jerry encouraged me to breathe through it, and relax, and I felt Gabby squeeze my hand and became aware of her thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand. He held my foot in that stretched position for a few more seconds, then slowly released it. He continued to talk me through the breathing and visualization, and I was able to relax again. Okay, not as bad as I thought it would be, I told myself. Not great, but not horrible.

The next major movement was with Jerry's hand around my calf, just above my ankle, with his other hand pushing my foot up, as if flexing my toes toward me. Again, the strange crunchy-squishy noise, and some more rather shocking pains from muscles that felt like they had never existed before now. But I was able to breathe through it. I almost made myself laugh, thinking about how Lamaze breathing techniques must really work for women in labor.

The last stretch was one that turned my foot to point inward. This was the most painful yet, and I struggled to remind myself to breathe. But Jerry held it in that position, while taking his thumb and pressing along the tendons on the outside of my ankle. I could feel this was where most of the pain was coming from, and knew they just needed to be stretched. Jerry reminded me that the best way for me to help him stretch them was to breathe, and try to relax.

Gabby must have known I was struggling, as she leaned in to my ear and gently said, "It's okay, Matt… Just breath with me." And she began to gently inhale and exhale where I could hear her breath, and I obliged, breathing with her. I was able to focus on the sound of our breathing together, and her warm hand embracing mine. Although the position never became comfortable, I could feel my leg muscles relax enough to allow Jerry to do his work, rather than fight against it.

After he had released my foot, he provided a little more massage therapy to the area, to get it to relax, and then applied the warm pack again. I continued my breathing exercises, in order to help myself calm down. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, even though some of the pains surprised me. And Jerry assured us that that was probably the worst of it.

"Anytime there's been surgery on a joint, or a period of time where the joint has needed to be frozen, we have to break it loose again. Yours was thick – a little fluid-y through the cartilage – but not totally frozen. Now that we've got it loose, we're going to give you some exercises to do every day, that will keep it moving, and gradually build back your range-of-motion."

After a few minutes of rest and heat, we moved out to the 'gym' area, where there was a collection of various exercise equipment and weights, as well as a small oval-shaped track. I had my crutches, and had put my sock back on, but no boot, and I felt strangely off-balance at the moment. Jerry had also put on one of those little short socks, with the little plastic tread dots on the bottom, over my sock-foot.

"I'm going to have you go ahead and stand on your right foot for a moment," Jerry explained. "Keep your crutches with you… I just want you to set your right foot on the ground, and slowly shift your weight, if you can, so that you're pretty equally balanced on your two feet." I was a little apprehensive, but followed his instructions. I was surprised that this did not necessarily cause any pain, and I was pretty well able to do as he asked. The only sensation I had was that my right leg had already become incredibly weak – or at least, that's the way it felt.

"Good, nice job," Jerry encouraged. "Now, using your crutches for stability, go ahead and shift a little more weight to your right side. That's it," he coached, as I followed his instructions. "That causing any pain?"

"A little," I replied, "but more uncomfortable than painful. And it just feels… weak."

"You're right about that… you would not believe how quickly we lose muscle mass from inactivity. If you had been sick with the flu or something, you'd notice feeling weak, but it's all over your body, so it isn't as odd a sensation. In this case, only one limb has been incapacitated, so it's *really* noticeable how different the two sides are. Fear not, though, you'll regain it quick," he assured me.

"Okay, now with your crutches, I want you to carefully take a few steps forward. We're not going to do too many, I just want you to see that you *can*," Jerry explained. I followed his instruction, and cautiously took a few paces forward, using the support of the crutches to take steps with my right foot. Again, it felt a little uncomfortable – but nothing compared to those 'breaking-loose' stretches – and it felt weak. But at the same time, I was so happy to feel it working right, and knowing that I *could* walk on it.

I looked up to see Gabby about six feet in front of me, watching with a warm smile on her face, her eyes sparkling with a mix of pride and encouragement. I felt such a connection in that moment, and was again so grateful to realize she was sharing this with me. She had told me she would be here to go through it with me, and she was keeping that promise. I was so blessed.

"Excellent job, Matt. Now I don't want you getting any crazy ideas and walking around all the time, but we are going to start putting some weight-bearing and some walking into your daily exercises. Just take it easy, okay? It's easy to get excited, and over-do it, and we don't want to go backwards in your healing."

I smiled, knowing that I would probably be too eager without guidelines. "Got it. I want this to go quickly, but I know better than to rush it."

"And I know you well enough to keep an eye on it as well," Gabby piped in. She smiled at me, and I gave a little eye roll, but grinned back.

Jerry wrote down a list of what he wanted me doing the next few days, I put the boot back on, and we made an appointment to return on Monday, when we would start meeting three times a week. I was looking forward to making that kind of progress, and felt confident now that it would indeed be progress.


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Dawson and I spent the afternoon at the NICU, helping out the mom of triplets. The babies had been born a few weeks early, and were relatively healthy, other than needing some medical support to help build their lungs, and to increase their weight. They were all over 4 pounds each, but had to be at least 5 pounds to leave the hospital, and had to be able to sustain gaining weight on their own, meaning they had to be able to intake all their own food without IV or NG supplements.

The babies' mom, Joanie, was a sweet, soft-spoken woman. She introduced us to the two girls, Rachel and Hannah, and the one boy, Jackson. The hospital had color-coded the babies – Rachel had a pink blanket to match the pink nametag on her crib, Hannah had a green blanket and a green nametag, and Jackson had the obligatory blue. I thought it was a fairly ingenious way to tell them apart… however, we quickly learned that the triplets were as fraternal as they could be. Rachel had a thick swatch of long, dark hair and eyebrows to match; Hannah was a typical ginger with fair skin and a fine patch of curly light-red fluff on top of her head; Jackson had little, if any hair, and what he did have appeared to be a fair blonde-brown.

We settled in to rocking chairs – the NICU already had the space arranged with three – and Gabby brought me the baby boy, who was ready for a bottle. We were a little more careful with the babies, who each had a variety of IV access points. They smallest of the three – little Hannah – still had an NG tube, but Joanie said they were hoping to remove it soon, as Hannah was taking more from the bottle now than she had been in the past few weeks. As Joanie was tending to Hannah in her crib, Gabby sat down with little Rachel in the rocker next to me.

Gabby asked Joanie about the babies, and their different colorings. Joanie smiled, happily sharing about their family traits. Rachel had Joanie's dark hair, and Jackson probably took after his dad, who had light brown hair. She said that Hannah was following a family tradition of red-heads on her husband's side of the family. Their three-year-old, Laura, had a full head of long red curly ringlets.

Gabby and I must have looked shocked when the mother referenced having other children, because Joanie laughed, and shared that Laura was three, and their son Nolan was six (with dark hair like his mom's). She went on to tell us that she and her husband thought they had wanted three children, but then they ran into difficulties, and needed fertility help. They went through several years of heartache before finally conceiving, and when they had Nolan and Laura, they felt they had "one of each", and decided to be done. However, never being able to conceive on their own, they had never thought they needed any type of contraception. When Joanie was pregnant for a third time, they figured it was a blessing, and that God really *did* want them to have three. "Well, we had THREE, alright!" Joanie laughed. She said they were surprised, elated, and a little overwhelmed, but saw every one of their children as blessings.

After spending a relaxing few hours with the babies, we said farewell to Joanie, and told her we would come back, if the babies were still here. We stopped by to see the babies on Elyse's unit, even though Elyse had gone home for the day by the time we were there. Seven of the eight that were there last time were still there, and I secretly felt happy that my little Squeaker was still there – although she was sound asleep when we peeked in the room.

It was evening by the time we left, and the wind was chilly and blowing the snowflakes in swirls all over the sidewalk as we exited the hospital's main entrance. We caught a cab back to my place, since Severide had dropped us off earlier. Gabby had texted him earlier to check on Shay, who was still in the hospital, but awake and alert, seemingly "all there" in terms of her mental status. Gabby seemed relieved upon receiving that news, and had appeared more relaxed the rest of the afternoon.

As the cab left the curb, Gabby slid over next to me, curling into my side, trying to shake off the chill from outside. I thought it was kind of funny, because she felt warmer than I did. But I accepted her closeness all the same.

"Wow, what a story that family has!" Gabby reflected, remembering our time with Joanie today.

"No kidding. How crazy is that? You think of people having multiples from using fertility drugs, and their first two kids *with* fertility drugs were singles… then they stop using them, and have triplets!" I pondered aloud.

"Just goes to show… you just never know, do you?" Gabby mused.

"Nope…" I paused thoughtfully, then continued. "I mean, who would have thought that you guys would be in an accident – in an ambulance – while tending to an accident? I mean, how bizarre is that?"

"Or being taken out by the guy you were trying to help out…" Gabby nodded toward my ankle.

I chuckled, and she smiled back. "I'd say we've been extremely lucky, with some close calls."

"Extremely blessed," Gabby re-stated. I nodded slowly, pondering the words. I reached over to brush aside a strand of mahogany, then slid my fingers into her hair, pulling her lips to mine.

By the time we returned to my place, we were both hungry. Gabby was incredibly fast at whipping up something that resembled stir-fry, only with a Mexican twist to it. Whatever it was, it was great.

After we ate, I changed into a pair of basketball shorts, and Gabby helped me through the exercises and stretches they had given me in PT today. She stood, helping me balance when I needed a spotter, and reminding me to breathe when I felt straining or pain. When I had rotated through the exercises, she helped me take off the boot, and take a few tentative steps around the living room. I could tell there was a lot of muscle rebuilding that would have to take place, but it was indescribable how good it felt to know I would be walking full-time again soon.

"Ready for a break?" Gabby asked, after I had taken a few more steps.

"Yeah… I suppose I can't just keep walking around and expect it to miraculously get better in one night, can I?" I said with a resigned smile on my face.

"Oh, we're not done yet… I just mean you get to sit down for the rest of your… therapy…" she said, waving her fingers before me.

"Ah… how could I forget? This is the best part of the therapy!" I smiled, remembering the massage techniques that Jerry had encouraged Gabby to use to enhance my recovery.

I made my way over to the couch, but she pulled at my hand. "Would it be okay if I ask you to sit on the floor?" she asked. My eyes connected in curiosity with hers.

"Sure, would that be better?"

"I think it'll help if I have a little more resistance… your couch is just too comfortable, and has too much give to it."

"Well," I said, lowering myself to the floor and sitting with my back against the couch, "let's not let luxury get in the way of progress!" I smiled at her, teasing just a bit. I reached down and pulled my socks off.

She grabbed the massage lotion from where she had left it on the table by the couch, and began warming some in her hands.

Gabby began with long strokes down my leg, distributing the oil evenly. She started with broad, moderate pressure, and then gradually moved to a deeper pressure with the heel of her hand, up and down my shin and calf muscles. I sighed, appreciating the sensation, and realizing how much less painful my leg was with this massage session. I hadn't been having all the muscle spasms, and surely, that made a difference.

She continued moving down my leg, and used her thumb for some deep, circular pressure around my ankle, but carefully avoiding the incisions and their sutures. She would then move to my foot, finding all the tiny little muscles in the top of my foot. I was surprised how attention-starved those little guys seemed. But they were some of the muscles most closely connected with the tendons and ligaments that had needed repair in surgery. There were some small spikes of pain, but mostly it felt like all the slow, achey sluggishness needed to be squeezed out of all its hiding spaces.

If I didn't know better, I would think Gabby had been doing this her entire life. Her hands felt very skilled with their task at the moment. And to watch her face, you would think it was the most fascinating thing she had ever done as well. I decided to ask her about something that had been running around in my head.

"Hey Gabby? I'm just wondering about something."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Well… I want to start by saying, I can't believe how great this – relationship? Is that what we're calling us? – how great it's going. I feel like… like maybe this has been in the making for a long time. I'm glad we figured it out." We grinned at each other, while she continued working the muscles in my leg. "That being said, I want to say two things: One is, I'm totally happy with where we're at, and what we're doing. I mean… our make-out sessions? Those are the BEST." I grinned, and she shyly met my eyes, returning the smile. "The other thing is, I just want you to know that, as a guy, as a man… I could totally get carried away and take this thing right to the bedroom." I paused, to catch my breath, and noticed she breathed with me. "Here's my philosophy on the whole thing. I really like the idea of taking our time – of enjoying our make-out stage, and when we get to the next stage, whatever that is, enjoying that stage, too. I don't think we need to rush. But at the same time, I know some women think if you're not bedding them, you're not interested. I just want you to know, I'M INTERESTED. And if that's important to you, we can move faster. But I just wanted to clarify where I'm at." I waited a few moments, watching the slow, intentional movements of her hands on my ankle. "Umm, so… where are… *you* at, if you don't mind sharing?"

Gabriella sighed, and shifted her position on the floor, placing my ankle in her lap, and putting a small couch pillow under my knee for support. She then used her whole hands to apply broad, general pressure to the top and bottom around my ankle, allowing the heat to permeate. "Ummm, well, I guess I would say, I'm right with you. I love what we're doing, and I'm enjoying it. I love taking our time, and being good with where we're at, but I also have moments that make me feel like… I'm going to surge ahead, start taking your clothes off… yada-yada-yada!" She laughed at her colloquialism, and I laughed with her.

"Can't wait to find out what yada yada is all about…" I murmured.

"So, let's just keep going," she continued. "I'm working on the 'hands all over you' stage, apparently, so..." She gave me a look, and I knew she was joking about her massage therapy duties. I, however, couldn't tolerate the combination of her touch plus the teasing one moment longer. I grabbed her wrist, and pulled her up to me, and began kissing her. Our passionate embrace eventually found us lying on the floor next to each other, our hands doing all kinds of exploring. It was wonderful to find out every little part of Gabby's anatomy that garnered a response. I knew what tickled her, what turned her on, and what gave her comfort. And she was discovering the same with me. I remembered considering our current situation as if from a third-party observer, and was quite impressed at our restraint.

By the time we… how might I say… calmed down… I lay on the floor next to her, and gave her another hand massage. I felt it was the least I could do, with all the therapy she was providing my leg. She said, once again, that it wasn't necessary, but she appreciated it nonetheless. We both giggled about how much longer we were going to be able to "hold out", but then reiterated our desire to just enjoy the stage we were at. We mutually agreed to call our relationship "dating", and both of us said it was okay to refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. I was glad to clear that up, that could sometimes be a sticky mess for people in our position. I was loving where we were at… there was so much for us to learn about each other.


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Dawson had to work on Friday, overnight into Saturday. So I decided to surprise her with *my* culinary skills, and made baked French toast for her Friday morning. I even waited to brew the coffee until the dish was out of the oven, so that the aroma of cinnamon and baked apples filled the house.

"What is that amazing smell?" She wandered in the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, then looked at me. "And what are *you* doing on your feet, mister?"

I smiled back. "I wanted to treat you this morning… give you a little of the pampering you've been giving me. And besides… check this out!" I scooted from behind the counter to show her my ingenious idea. I had gotten the rolling office chair from my desk in the back room, and just put my right knee up on it, and used it to motate around the kitchen sans crutches. "Kinda brilliant, right?"

She laughed, coming to sit on one of the stools by the counter. "Brilliant. But don't get any ideas and start going crazy with that… You still need to be taking it easy. No heavy housecleaning or anything," she teased.

"Nah, I won't get much more done than this. It doesn't work well on carpet, just hardwood and tile. So I guess if I want this kind of rolling freedom, I'm contained to the kitchen. It does feel good to get up and do something, though," I shrugged.

"Well, you won't be down for much longer. Jerry said he wants you back to walking by Monday, so you can get your strength built back up in your leg." She looked to the casserole dish atop the stove, and inhaled appreciatively. "So are you gonna tell me what it is?" she grinned, eyebrows raised.

"This," I said, using a spatula to serve some onto a plate for her, "is a dish I used to reserve for special occasions at the house… when the guys worked overnights on Easter, or Christmas, or Thanksgiving. It's called baked French toast, but it has all the baked apples and raisins and cinnamon in it. Looks cool, tastes amazing, but is really relatively easy to make. You make it the night before, and just toss it in the oven the next morning. Easy peasy." I grinned, wiping my hands off on a dish towel and slinging it over my shoulder.

She kept her eyes on me as she savored her first bite. I watched with raised eyebrows, expectantly awaiting her evaluation.

Slowly, her eyelids closed, and she made that sound… "Mmmmm…", the one she makes when she eats her grandmother's chicken mac and cheese. I had a winner.

"Wow. This is great, Casey. You'd better not let Mills know you have cooking skills… he'll want a day off!"

I smiled back, receiving her compliment. "Mills knows I can cook. He also knows I'm his boss. Plus, let's face it… he knows how much *you* love to cook, and he knows he can get a little ride-along time with you in the kitchen."

She looked at me, a bit of a playful challenge in her eyes. "Do I… detect a note of envy? Jealousy?" she teased.

I scooted my improvised mobility device around the end of the counter, sidled up next to her, and replied, "Nope. Just appreciation. I know what I've got," as I put my arms around her, giving her a sweet peck on the lips. "And so does he," I concluded with a tiny smirk.

Gabby threw her head back in a hearty laugh, and I took the opportunity to steal kisses along the side of her neck. She growled playfully in response, and then gently put a hand to my chest, pushing me away. "Now let me eat this deliciousness before it gets cold."

I smiled, rolling back to the other side of the counter where the coffee was now done brewing, and poured a mug for both of us. I got myself a plate of food, and popped the height of the rolling chair up so I could sit on it on the opposite side of the counter.

"Multi-purpose tool, how handy," she quipped.

"Yeah, I'm like one of those grannies with the walker that doubles as a seat when you get too tired," I groaned.

She reached over and rubbed the back of my hand. "You and I both know you'll be back to running around in no time, and you can return that chair to its rightful place at your desk in the back room."

We smiled at each other, and finished our breakfast sharing easy conversation. She planned on dropping me off at Children's Hospital on her way to work, so I could hang out with the babies in Elyse's area again today, and then someone would come give me a ride back to the firehouse. If Gabby wasn't on a call, she wanted to do my PT with me, and it'd be good to just hang out with the guys for a while.

Elyse met me at the front desk, in her usual mode with one baby in her arm, and the other hand holding a phone to her ear. The glories of being in charge, she had said one day. I just smiled and nodded, and went to my assigned area. I knew I had my work cut out for me when I walked in, because there were a lot of fussing babies this morning. I wasn't sure if they were short-staffed this morning, or if the babies were just restless. But I was glad I could be of assistance.

I had decided while getting ready this morning that, since I was no longer restricted from putting weight on my foot, I could hobble around with the boot, and no crutches, when I only had short distances to go. I made my way around the sink, washing my hands, and putting on a gown. I chuckled, remembering that Gabby had told me I looked like a doctor in my yellow cover-all smock. Nope, wrong member of the ex-fiancee crowd, I thought to myself.

I settled into the glider rocker, not sure that Elyse would like my carrying one of the babies with my unsteady gait. She came in the room at that same moment, and brought me Squeaker. I really needed to stop feeling so happy that she was still here – it wasn't necessarily a good thing for her that she wasn't placed yet. And the more attached I was, the more heartbreak I'd have when she did finally go.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to see you today," Elyse said while gathering supplies for me at the little side table. "We were just nuts with deliveries last night, and the social workers are still fighting some tough battles with drug-using moms who aren't going to be allowed to keep their babies in their current state. I've got eight up here now, and can't take more unless I get more nurses to come in. Just you helping to feed them will be such a blessing this morning!"

"Hey, I'm glad to help. You know this is more of a reward to me than a task!" I pulled Squeaker's blanket around her a little more snugly, and offered her the bottle Elyse had brought me. I noticed that it was a four-ounce bottle rather than the little two-ounce ones I had been feeding the babies. My Squeaker was growing up, I thought wistfully to myself.

"Well, I'm just glad for the help. I'm going to keep calling to see if I can get any float help or find any nurses that want to come in for extra hours, but we're at capacity at the moment, with the staff we have."

"Hey, I don't know what your rules are here, but… I can kind of get around with just the boot. It isn't pretty, but… if it's okay with you, I should be able to get them back and forth to their cribs, and even help with changing. But if it's unsafe, or against your protocol to have me hobbling around…"

"Lieutenant, I'd take the help of a one-legged pirate right about now. If you're up to it, you can help with just about anything today. Know how to start IVs?" she laughed.

"Well, I *am* EMT certified… all firefighters are… buuuut…" I looked at her dubiously.

She laughed. "I'm just teasing. Doing what you're doing right now is probably the best help I can ask for!" She smiled and walked back to the front desk, to answer a ringing phone.

I looked down to see Squeaker staring at me, wide-eyed and intent. I smiled, and she paused in her bottle-drinking. I could tell that her eyes were starting to change. All babies seemed to have this dark-blue color to their irises when they were first born. Hers were staying dark, but turning to a beautiful hazelnut-brown color. It was so interesting to look at them, with the deep blue around the pupil still, but clearly defined brown around the outer edge. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that, at that moment, the little corners of her eyes narrowed, and her cheeks pulled back into a tiny grin. I smiled back.

"Hey there… Did you miss me? I sure missed you, Squeaker. You're getting to be so big… look at you with your big four-ounce big-girl bottle!" She hadn't started drinking again since I started talking, she just continued her mesmerized stare into my eyes. "And your eyes are starting to turn brown! How about that? I know some very pretty brown-eyed girls, you know that?" I cooed to her, thinking of Gabby and the flecks of gold in her deep brown irises.

I spontaneously began to quietly croon Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" to her. She was still staring, as if transfixed by our interaction. It made me a little sad to think how already she was probably attention-starved for human affection, and that she probably only had a few faces that were consistent in her world. As I sang, my heart warmed to the fact that I was probably becoming one of those familiar faces.

Afraid she wouldn't finish eating, I used my pinky on the hand holding the bottle to gently rub her cheek, which encouraged her to start sucking again – a trick Elyse had taught me the first day I volunteered. She indeed started eating again, and her eyelids drifted closed as I sang. Her little chest puffed up, and she let out a big sigh, continuing to suck on the bottle. As she drifted off to sleep, coming just to the very last drops of the bottle, I studied her features, and how they had changed, just in the few days since I had seen her last. I marveled at God's creativity, and daydreamed about a day and time when I would get to witness my own children's growth every day of their lives.

A/N: So sweet, Casey and his favorite baby friend! Sorry it's been so long since I updated (well, I mean before I posted chapter 19)… RL has been challenging at best! I didn't want y'all to think I had forgotten about you. I've got some direction for the next few chapters. Please R&R, and tell me what you'd like to see more of! I love reader suggestions… already written a few of my one-offs based on comments and ideas shared in reviews! If you've never reviewed before (I know, it was a long time before *I* got brave enough to review others' work), it's easy… read some of the other reviews! You don't have to give any elaborate literary review, just say what you liked! I used to not understand the big deal either, but now that I'm writing, I GET IT. Reviews really do keep an author inspired and encouraged!

-MH


	22. Chapter 21

A/N: Okay, so here's a teaser for you… The word "squeak" in Norwegian is "Piper". In Finnish, it is "Kitina". ("Squeaker" didn't translate well in any language.) Not sure what I'm going to do with this information… any ideas? Suggestions? YOU'LL HAVE TO REVIEW TO TELL ME! :D

Well, okay, you can read the chapter first, and *then* review and tell me your thoughts!

Chapter 21

Severide had his guys swing by Children's Hospital to give me a lift to the station in the Squad truck. They gave me a load of crap about finding any way I could to get on Squad… I told them this was just my elaborate ploy to get out of work for a few weeks.

It was great to sit and have dinner with the guys – Mills had whipped up some mean pulled pork and some veggie concoction that he said his granddad made famous somewhere down South. I had no idea what he was talking about, but it was good. Gabby and I sat together, but we all talked with everybody like we usually do at meals, one big happy family. The guys kept asking Gabby about "drugged Casey" stories from the past week, but she kept redirecting the conversation to all the progress I was making, and how soon she knew I'd be back at work.

I tried to help the guys clean up after dinner – house rules say if you didn't cook, you help clean up – but they wouldn't let me. I even told them about my totally cool rolling chair trick, but they wouldn't have it. They told me I'd better enjoy it while they were offering, because their hospitality wouldn't last once I was back on shift.

Chief Boden came and asked if he could talk to me for a few minutes. It was funny, because I was so used to being in trouble when he asked me that, my gut kind of knotted up. But I knew by the time we got to his office that everything was fine, just by his demeanor.

"I got a special job for you, if you're interested," he said, looking at me with a slight grin. "Got a call today from my buddy over at the academy, and they're working through their section on medical emergencies that firefighters – in the EMT role – might see, and need to respond to. Asked if I had anybody that could come give some flavor to the discussion. That sound like somethin' you'd be willing to do in the next few weeks while you're off?"

I thought about it a minute, and quickly realized I had some very cool experiences I could share. There were the things we did a lot of – boarding and collaring accident victims for transport, treating minor wounds on scene, occasionally starting IVs if there were too many accident victims and the paramedics were spread thin – but there was obviously one story of which I had some special knowledge. I smiled just thinking about it… the fear, the anxiety, the horror that something could really go wrong at my hands, and then the overwhelming joy, relief, and elation at being a part of that newborn entering the world.

"Sure. I'd love to do that. Name the time and place."

The Chief grinned at me. "Thought that might be a good fit for you. Don't get any crazy ideas, now… I'm only loaning you out temporarily. You belong back here in this house. You're gonna have to get a lot older before I let you wander off and teach at the academy. But I'm okay with you joining the 'guest lecturer' circuit."

He handed me a slip of paper where he'd jotted down the name of the person I needed to call, to set up a time to visit. I tucked it in my pocket, and headed off to find Gabby.

I found her back in the main room, where she was wiping down the now-cleared dining table.

"Hey, there you are," she said with a smile. "I wondered where you'd wandered off to… thought maybe the guys had given you too hard a time!"

I smiled, chuckling. "I think I might lose my spot permanently if I was that thin-skinned, after all these years in this house! That's part of the training… let 'em tear the mickey out of you every now and then, just to see if you can stand the heat. I got over that a *long* time ago."

"Well, let's go find a spot to do some PT, shall we?" she asked, hanging the towel back up in the kitchen area. I followed her back to the bunks, but a few guys were trying to get some shut-eye. So we went into my quarters, where we could close the door.

She looked around, a bit of a sheepish expression on her face.

"What is it?" I asked, a little confused.

"I just… I don't know if… if I've ever been in here with just… well… with just you and me. And the blinds are closed…"

I looked around, noticing that they had been left shut. We were totally alone, and no one knew we were in here. "Huh…"

"Yeah. Huh." We both pondered the thought a moment.

"Well, before I dwell on that thought for too long and forget what I'm supposed to be doing, let's do some PT, shall we?" I said, sighing with a big deep breath.

Gabby chuckled lightly in response, sighing as well. "Good plan."

I sat on the edge of the bed while she helped me remove my boot, and I rolled my ankle around in circles a little bit, just to get the kinks out. I had to resist the urge to just get up and walk, but paced myself through the exercises first. Most things today just felt like they needed to be stretched – I noticed less and less actual pain with the exercises as I continued. The hardest part was the noticeable weakness in the muscles of my right leg. I even felt like my hamstrings and quads were out-of-shape.

When it was time to do some walking, Gabby and I went out into the hall, and walked all the way down to the main area again. It felt so good to walk some distance, even though I could feel how tired my leg was.

"Hey, look who's walkin!" Severide called from his seat at the table, where he was reading the paper.

"Just out for a little stroll…" I quipped.

"That's great, Lieutenant! I didn't know you could do that yet!" Hermann crowed from his spot near the TV.

"Yeah, he's actually gotta get it moving, and get some weight bearing on it. We can't take it too fast, but that surgery made all the difference with this injury," Gabby answered.

"No kidding… I can't even tell you what a difference it made. You don't usually think of feeling that much better after surgery, but this one really put things back where they belonged," I agreed.

We turned back and walked toward my quarters, passing Cruz on our way. He made some silly comment about my "throwing up gang signs", because my right pant-leg was rolled up to my knee, and the other one wasn't. (How is that even a gang sign?) We laughed and kept moving, taking it at a slow, easy pace.

Boden peeked his head out to compliment me on my progress as well, and told me he knew I'd be back in no time, but also warned me to take it easy and not push myself. I nodded, then as Gabby and I continued to walk away, I wondered out loud how that man could be so encouraging and yet so foreboding in one sentence.

"It's a gift," Gabby replied, chuckling.

When we got back to my quarters, I sat on the bed, my back to the wall, turning so my right leg was stretched out in front of me.

"Well, I didn't bring my lotion, but I'm sure I can find something that'll work around here," Gabby said, glancing around my office. I knew she wouldn't find anything in here. She snuck out of the office, and returned in a few minutes with a small collection of things.

"Baby oil will work. It's not great, but it'll do in a pinch." She began her massage techniques in haste, and I sighed with relief – my tired, aching muscles appreciating the relief, and the rest of my being appreciating her touch. She glanced up at me, and smiled, returning her attention to her hands.

"Gabby?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"How come it really itches around the sutures?"

"Well…" she said, continuing to focus on the muscles in my leg, "Just like when you get any other cut or scratch, as it scabs over, the skin dries out, and it gets a little itchy. Sutures do that doubly, because the skin around it dries out, but there's also a foreign object in your body."

"Well, I kinda figured I shouldn't itch them, but…"

"Good call, no, don't itch them. But I will put a little antibiotic ointment around them tonight, so they don't itch so much. It'll also help with suture removal if they're not all dry and crusty."

"Now that just sounds gross."

She laughed, and I laughed with her. Her hands continued to move, first with the fine motor detail of her fingertips working, then with the broader, deeper motions of the heels of her palms. I had learned, as Jerry had instructed, to tune in to my body, and relax whatever tendon or muscle group she was working. I felt like she and I had become quite a team, when it came to releasing and relaxing those muscles. I tried to do some sort of Zen meditation, imagining all the happy thoughts going toward healing my ankle. But strangely enough, my mind kept switching the picture, and I would see the healing coming from Gabby's fingertips. I sighed in an appreciative hum, my eyes closing in focus and relaxation.

She worked some deeper pressure around my ankle, and I could feel the swelling and stiffness giving way, slowly but surely. I could tell when she was done, because her hands continued slowly up my calf, but then kept on their upward journey, right past my knee, up my thigh… my eyes opened, just to make sure I wasn't imagining this.

The look in Gabby's eyes as mine met hers was… startling. I was a little shocked, but more turned on than anything. She literally looked like a feline about to pounce – or at least sizing up its opponent. I didn't know if I wanted to be in a battle with this cat, or to be its object of desire – and consumption.

Yep, she could eat me up… I'd be okay with that right about now.

The next half-hour was a game of "how quiet can we be?" versus "how much fun can we have?" in the Lieutenant's quarters. The most interesting – and challenging – part of the game for me was probably shortly after we started, when Gabby decided that stopping at my thigh was highly overrated, and continued just north-northeast of that position. Between the amount of time that this particular part of my anatomy had been celibate, the fact that this was in fact our first "okay this is turning sexual" encounter, and the challenge of keeping quiet… my heart and mind were on overload.

Gabby's challenge definitely came when I found access under her shirt, up her ribs (which almost made her break our silence), and over and under what I found to be a smooth and delicate lace boundary. It was a simple one to traverse, with incredible rewards in terms of the response I got from Gabby. As if we weren't excited and anxious enough, I kept whispering in her ear how I needed her to stay quiet, to keep this just between the two of us, that I didn't want her to share this joy with anybody else.

She proverbially "cried uncle" when I heard her growl, reach up and grab my wrist, removing my hand from its new favorite hiding place, and pulling my index finger into her mouth, where her tongue and lips created a magical dance of sucking and licking. My brain knew exactly whose doppelganger my finger was portraying, and it about pushed me over the edge. I removed my finger from her lips, and replaced it with my lips. We slowly wound down our passionate, heated encounter, and lay next to each other for a few minutes, just trying to catch our breath.

"I'm not sure we're going to keep to that whole 'let's enjoy the stage we're at' if we keep this pace up…" Gabby said solemnly, then broke into fits of giggles. I started laughing when she did, and we got to laughing so hard, we had to catch our breath from that, too.

We helped each other straighten up, so that we could walk out of the room without raising too many suspicions, at least no more than we may have already raised. Gabby helped me get my sock back on, and re-adjusted the boot for me. I was working on walking with both feet, even with the boot on, with the crutches just for support and stabilization. I was really hoping to get rid of them soon – my armpits would thank me.

I had decided to get a ride home with Hermann, who was off soon, as Gabby had to work the overnight. I was giving Gabby a goodbye hug and kiss.

"So I'll see you when you get off shift tomorrow?" I asked.

"Umm… I'll be a little later than that. I have a… well… I have a rehearsal to go to. But I'll be over after that."

I raised my eyebrows. "A rehearsal?"

Her eyes flitted around, and she looked sheepish. "Uh… yeah… well…" she looked around, as if checking to make sure no one else was listening. "Umm, I sing. I sing with a group at my church on Sunday mornings. We help lead the music during worship. And… well, we practice Saturday night. So… Yeah. I'll be over after that…" she tried to play it off, but she wasn't losing me that quickly.

A grin played at the corners of my mouth. "Gabriella Dawson. Will you ever cease to surprise me? I didn't know you were a singer!"

She looked around, making a motion for me to keep it down. "I'm not… a *singer*. I just sing. And… I can't do it very often, only like once a month, because of shifts."

"How come you never told anybody?"

"Well, a few people know… well, okay, Shay knows. But you know how it is… I don't want people thinking I'm some kind of 'holy roller' out to 'save' them all. People don't like it when you wave religion in their face."

I smiled, but looked at her seriously. "I don't think you'll find much of that around here, sweetheart. I know we're all sometimes a little irreverent, but you'll usually never find a more spiritual bunch of people than first responders. We all would like to have God on our side. I don't think anybody would be offended. Besides, you're not telling them they have to come to church with you… you'd just be letting them know a little about your hobbies."

She smiled up at me, appreciatively. After a pause, she said, "I should have known you'd understand. So… maybe… you'd think about coming to hear me sing sometime?"

"Think about it?" I asked, an astonished expression on my face. "Tell me when and where! I can't wait… I just feel like I keep learning more and more about you… there's never a dull moment!"

I left the station with Hermann, promising Gabby we'd talk more about her "hobbies", and agreed that we would firm up our plans for Sunday morning. I decided, at that moment, I might have to share a little bit more about my own talents as well.

A/N: Well? Thoughts? Music is such a cool dynamic to add, and (possibly because Jesse Spencer is a musician in RL as well) thought this would be a fun little dimension to bring into their relationship. Have you thought any more about those "names" I shared at the top? Ideas? Be sure to REVIEW and tell me what you think! Writer's block has left the building… I'm on a roll! -MH


	23. Chapter 22

A/N: Hello friends! Sorry, RL has been kicking my butt AGAIN… but I'm working on chapters whenever I have a few minutes. So they're coming together in bits and pieces! I'm also getting some requests with story ideas… SUPER flattered at the requests! And I will entertain them… I just need to wrap up this story before I move on! It has been my "baby"… first fanfic ever… so I wanna treat it right. I know, as a reader, it always made me sad when others would abandon fanfics without giving them a proper conclusion, so I'm going to do this one right. Please let me know your thoughts… I'm sure "reviews" have died off due to my lengthy pauses between posting. However, if you're still out there and reading, please let me know! –MH

Chapter 22

I had a grin on my face as I dug the guitar case out of the closet in the office at the back of my house. I was smiling to myself, recalling the years that Andy Darden, Severide and I used to play "band" at least once a week at the firehouse. I would get out the guitar, Darden would find a bucket and some sticks to beat on the bucket with, and Severide would bust out the harmonica. There were a few times where someone would bring in an old violin, and I would "wow" the crowd with my long-lost fiddling skills, while Andy picked up the guitar. But the three of us would hack together tunes that we remembered from our growing-up years, or throw together cheezy "cover" renditions of popular songs. Andy's favorite pastime was to make up words to generic blues or country songs. He loved to make fun of the songs that lamented losing the dog, the farm, the truck… he'd yell out, "Okay, now play it backward!" Then he would speed up the tempo and sing about the man getting his dog back, his wife back, his truck back…

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself out loud at the memory. They say that part of the grieving process is being able to look back with smiles more than with tears, so I felt a small glimmer of hope at that progress. I wondered if it was too soon to bring the music back to the firehouse, or if bringing it back would help others. Then I decided that I was moving too far ahead, too fast. I would take this one step at a time… right now, my first goal is to share it with Gabby. Well, after I talk to "the band", that is!

Maneuvering around the house without crutches, I hobbled down the hall with one hand on the wall, the soft backpack-style guitar case slung over my other shoulder. Settling on the couch, and opening the case on the floor next to the couch, I smiled at the familiar gleam of the Gibson acoustic. The steel strings felt cool and familiar under my fingers. I dug in the small front pocket of the case, coming up with a few picks and an electronic tuner, which – to my pleasant surprise – still had juice in the batteries. After a quick tune-up, my hands moved with long-practiced muscle memory, and a melody filled the living room. As I played for a few minutes, I could feel parts of my soul waking up, as if they'd been taking a nap for several months. Maybe they had.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Severide let himself in the front door, when I yelled that it was open. He came in with a funny look on his face – part anxiety, part concern, part surprise, part humor – and held his cell phone up to me, showing me the text screen.

"I'm walking out the door, and I get this text: Urgent Rehearsal. My place. Bring the harp."

I chuckled, continuing to strum. "Well, did you?"

He shrugged and grinned slightly. "Of course I did." He came and sat in a recliner next to where I was seated on the couch. "What's the occasion?"

"Oh… just inspired," I mused. I knew I was going to have to explain more later, but hoped that, for now, Kelly would join my fun without a brooding dissection of "why".

He stared at me for a minute, then reached into his coat pocket and extracting his shiny blue harmonica. "Okay, but I'm hungry. Can we get some Chinese delivered, and play while we're waiting?"

I was relieved that he wasn't arguing, and smiled. "You order… dinner's on me."

"Is Gabby joining us?"

"Nope, she won't be home until later. Just us."

Kelly blew some loud noise on the harp, then yelled, "Bro's night!" I laughed.

After Kelly texted our "usual" order to the Chinese place, we just randomly wandered into some blues melody, our chords and transitions clicking like well-worn clockwork. We didn't need words to communicate, or even sheet music or chord charts to know where we were going. There would be strains of tunes we both recognized, and the other would pick up on it, following each other and laughing as we played. Our jam session was only disrupted by the off-tempo knock on the door when the food arrived. Severide, more quick-footed than me, hopped up, as I handed him cash from my wallet, reminding him I was buying.

We set up the carpet picnic on the coffee table, and shared lighthearted conversation, mostly reminiscing about all the funny times we played with Andy. It was nice for us to be able to have a positive reason to wade into memories of Andy, without it bringing the two of us to blows.

"So… what brought back the music?" Severide asked tentatively, appearing a little anxious, like he might be opening up a can of something he didn't really want.

I looked at him and grinned, disarming him with an expression that let him know it was all good, and it wasn't anything bad. "Can you keep a secret?" I asked.

Kelly barked out a laugh. "Are we going to Hollywood to audition?" he joked.

I grinned. "Well, actually I don't even know if it's really a secret… I just want to respect her privacy if it is." Severide gave me a classic raised eyebrow look, that encouraged me to keep going. "Gabby told me she sings. That's where she is tonight. She's at a rehearsal with a group she sings with."

Kelly nodded, an approving expression on his face. "Cool. Like at a club or something?"

I chuckled. "She sings at a church."

"Ah. Well, *that* doesn't surprise me about Gabby. So… you're wanting to play with her or something?"

"I don't know… I just thought, she shared it with me as if it was something fairly private to her, and I felt honored that she shared it with me. I just felt like it was time I shared a little something of myself, too."

"Casey, I think she knows… she's not new to the firehouse. I'm pretty sure she was around for more than one of our rock-out appearances."

I hadn't thought of that, but for some reason, it seemed like she wasn't around when we did that. Wait… maybe she was. I felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut. I suddenly realized how "off my radar" she was, especially in the years I was with Hallie. I felt a little dejected that he was right, this wouldn't be a "surprise" for Gabby, but more than that, I felt a hot anger at myself for how skewed my perception had been. I was reminded of my feelings a few weeks ago, when I was first realizing how many times she must have felt crushed, watching Hallie and I.

"Matt?" Kelly noticed my space-off moment.

"Sorry… I was just… you're right. She probably was there. I was just kinda sad, realizing how much I didn't notice her before… when I was with Hallie. It wasn't like I didn't like her, I thought of her as a co-worker, and a nice person…"

"Hey, it's all good, Case… I think she knows that. The fact that you busted out the strings in honor of sharing music with her… I think she'll appreciate that. And hey… where are you now? You're with her."

I felt a little better after that, and decided to just keep on having fun. We finished our dinner, and kept playing and talking. Kelly and I would name songs we knew, and see if I could pick out the chords to make the song happen. We cracked ourselves up a few times, and had a fun time sharing the nostalgia of Andy's antics.

It was close to ten when the door opened, and a very surprised Gabby appeared with a smile on her face. Without a pause, I looked over my shoulder, smiled widely at her, and kept playing, and Severide winked at her while he played. When our tune wound down to its logical conclusion, she applauded loudly.

"Is it just me, or… is the band back?" she grinned, looking between the two of us.

"It's all you, babe… you inspired me to drag out the guitar again," I smiled up at her. She blushed a little, but Kelly just nodded in agreement with me, and she seemed to relax.

"Well, I smell Chinese, and I want a concert!" She went into the kitchen to heat up some of the leftovers, and Severide and I jumped back into our jam session.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It had been a lot of years since I'd walked into a church, but this one was pretty modern, and the "sanctuary" looked more like an auditorium than a traditional church. There was an elevated "stage" up front, and the seats were like movie-theater seating. I saw Gabby walking toward me from the front, as I had arrived early enough that the crowd was just starting to mingle in.

"Hey," she greeted me with a brilliant smile, as she took my hand and gave me a brief kiss. "Don't you look nice…" she complimented me. I had busted out the gray dress pants and a black button-down, but did not opt for a coat or tie.

"Thanks… you look pretty great yourself!" She was wearing a nice pair of dark jeans, a silver-gray cowl sweater that fit her curves in a beautiful but tasteful silhouette, and a pair of glossy copper-brown heels. I recognized the added femininity of her walk as she had approached me – which is what clued me into the heels – but I also noticed that, even on the slight downward slope of the aisle, she was almost as tall as me. I was tempted to extend the kissing, just due to the new perspective, but decided against it at the moment.

"Come here, I want to introduce you to my friends that I sing with!" She introduced me to three other people, and showed me to a seat along the aisle in about the third row from the front. I didn't really think of myself as a "sit up front" kind of guy, but the auditorium was so vast, it didn't really feel like I was sitting in a front row. I was surprised by how many people were filling the auditorium. Gabby sat next to me until the service started, and said that this was a pretty typical crowd for them.

I know it was probably biased of me to think so, but when the group started singing, I felt like I could pick Gabby's voice out clearly from the harmonies, and of course, I thought she sounded amazing. I could sing – I could hold my own – but I felt like the group sounded incredible for a non-professional group of musicians. Theirs was a contemporary setup, with acoustic and electric guitars, an electric bass, keyboards and drums, so it was pretty upbeat. It was inspiring to share the experience with her, and I even felt uplifted by the message that was shared. I didn't feel condemned for being a person who didn't regularly attend worship, which was different from what I had sometimes felt in other places.

After the service, and getting to talk to some more of Gabby's friends, we made our way to a little mom-and-pop restaurant that was a favorite of Gabby's. And knowing that Gabby knew good food, I knew it would be great.

"So, what'd you think?" she asked a little tentatively, after we had placed our order.

"It was cool. Of course, I thought your singing was the best part, but…"

She laughed, blushing a little. "Oh, you couldn't hear me in with the whole group."

"Actually, I am pretty sure I could pick your voice out… did you sing the middle harmony?"

She looked at me with a bit of surprise. "Yeah…"

"Then yep, I heard you. Besides, the whole group sounded incredible, so you can't suck," I teased, and she laughed.

"Well, I'm glad you came. It's important to me to share… that part of my life… with people I'm close to."

I wondered if she was going somewhere with this, and smiled to encourage her, our eyes communicating warmth between us.

"I'm glad you did. And I'm looking forward to coming again."

"Really?" her eyes lit up.

"Of course. And maybe, if you're up for it, you can share your gift with me and Severide sometime when we play at the house."

"You guys are gonna play at the house again?"

"We're thinking about it. Trying to gauge if there's been enough time since Andy… but I figured me and Kelly were probably the hardest critics to get past… and since it's us doing it… yeah, we're thinking about it."

"I think it's great," Gabby smiled, grabbing my hand across the table. I nodded, appreciating her support, but feeling something more.

"I can't wait to get you back home. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure…" she said, attempting to read my expression

"Where have you been hiding those heels? And when we get home, can you keep them on? At least for a little while?"

Gabby laughed. "Oh Casey… you're such a guy…"

A/N: Now hit that "review" button and share your thoughts! Or just tell me if you liked it! -MH


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Time was going a lot more quickly than I had expected, for not being able to work much. On Monday, I was able to ditch the crutches, as Jerry, my PT, said he wanted me just walking with the boot, to build up strength. That was a great bit of freedom for me. Gabby was able to remove my stitches – and I had to resist the urge to scratch the skin off, as it was so dry and itchy! But Gabby of course had tricks up her sleeve to help soothe that minor irritation… and then found other ways to distract me.

At Children's Hospital, I got to help the mom and dad of the triplets get the babies ready to go home, as they had gained enough weight and were stabilized enough to go home. It was pretty rare for them all to be discharged at once, but the hospital had been helpful in maintaining all three of the children there, to help out the parents.

This of course freed me up to go back to Elyse's nursery. It was a bittersweet moment to find Squeaker still there. Previously, I had been so happy to see her… she was one of the first to bring me so much joy. But the reality of these babies' circumstances – really, truly having no one – began to weigh on my heart.

"You are a lot more helpful now that you're on your feet again," Elyse teased me, elbowing me lightly as I changed a baby's diaper. I grinned at her.

"Trust me, I'm happier than anyone. I'll be even more happy when I get rid of this boot."

"And when do you get to go back to work?"

"Well, they're going to let me come back in an 'administrative capacity' in two weeks. So I can ride along with the chief to some of our major calls, but I'm also going to do some helping out at the academy. Once I'm back at the house, though, my PT is going to come by to evaluate how much I can do. If I get my strength back in my leg, it's just a matter of passing the fit-for-duty eval."

"Oh, I remember when Bart had to re-take his fit eval after his knee surgery. He bounced back pretty quickly, but he had to take it more than once. It was a good thing for him, though, because it really helped him see what muscle groups he needed to work on re-strengthening. You might ask your PT to walk you through it, even this week. It really makes a difference."

"That's a good idea. Thanks," I said, smiling at her, and appreciating having someone 'in the know' to talk to about getting back to work.

I was there for a few hours, rocking babies and feeding babies and helping change them, when Elyse entered the room with a lady I hadn't seen before. She had an ID badge on from another agency, not from the hospital. They were speaking to each other in a rather formal fashion, but were pleasant with each other. Elyse was showing her some paperwork, and discussing a few of the babies in the room. I watched quietly from the rocking chair, feeding a baby boy who was mostly asleep as he ate.

"Brenda, this is Matt Casey… he's one of our volunteers. He's a firefighter who's on medical leave. He's been such a great help for us," Elyse bragged as she introduced me. Brenda and I greeted each other and shook hands.

"Brenda works for Child Placement. It's her job to help us find foster homes or temporary care for the infants we care for here."

"And from the looks of it, you'd think I wasn't doing a very good job!" Brenda smiled, giving herself a hard time as she glanced around at the eight occupied bassinets in the room.

"Well, we know it takes time, and today's a good day, because she's going to take two babies to new homes today," Elyse quipped.

I felt my heart do this weird pound-squeeze thing, as if somebody had suddenly punched me in the chest from the inside. I found myself doing a little panic in the back of my head, and as they walked around the room, I willed her to not go near Squeaker's bed. It was such a strange feeling, and I argued in my head with myself.

_This would be the best thing for her, if she had a home to go to. _

_Yeah, but what if they're not good to her? What if she doesn't get to stay there, and gets passed around? Would I still want to come to volunteer if she wasn't here? _

_So much for not getting attached…_

I chuckled a little to myself, willing my heart to beat normally again, and attempting to not care which babies Brenda was asking about. I thought I was pretty successful, but when it became clear they were talking about placing two baby boys – both of whom had been in the nursery the longest – I felt a huge wave of relief wash through me.

_Nope, not attached at all…_

"So Matt, what made you decide to volunteer here?" Brenda asked, as she browsed a file, when Elyse had gone back out to the desk to answer the phone.

"Well, it kind of started when I had the opportunity to help deliver a baby on a call…" and I proceeded to give Brenda the Reader's Digest version of my journey. I wondered if she was trying to evaluate whether or not I was some creepy guy, but she was actually really easy to talk to, and really friendly. She wasn't at all what I imagined a Child Protective Services person to be like… so much for stereotypes.

"And he has a favorite…" Elyse chimed in, as she returned to the room. I felt my face blush a little, as I smirked in her direction.

"Really? Which one?" Brenda smiled.

"He's nicknamed her Squeaker, because she squeaks when she cries," Elyse continued to tease… as if we were talking about an elementary school boy and his female classmate crush. I shook my head, a smile breaking out across my face.

"Uh oh… somebody's attached!" Brenda teased, a smile on her face.

_Well, if it's that obvious, I guess I _am_ attached. Hmm…_

Elyse stepped out to talk to one of her co-workers, and Brenda came and sat next to me.

"Have you thought about fostering?"

How did I know that was coming?

"Well, I thought about it very briefly at first, when I found out about these babies," I shared genuinely, "but I thought I couldn't handle connecting and then having to let go. And being single, I wasn't sure if taking a child into a one-parent home was the best."

"Yeah, that's the biggest barrier for a lot of people. We do some coaching on that, and help people with the transition. However, a lot of these babies end up being adopted by the families that foster them… in the big scheme of things, the foster family has priority over other adoptive couples, because they've usually already established a bond. I'm sure Elyse has told you it's just kind of complicated, since we have to track down biological fathers. But I'm curious… you mentioned not wanting to get attached. It… kind of looks like you already are…" she grinned at me.

Rather than irritating or upsetting me, her words brought with them an unusual peace – as if giving me permission to finally acknowledge the bond I'd been creating with the baby girl.

"It… probably seems weird… a single guy in his thirties, hanging out with babies, but… I've always wanted a family, and I had just gone through kind of a rough break-up… and when Elyse invited me… I don't know. It's just been really healing for me to be here, doing this."

"Well, it's a great help… I'm sure Elyse has told you how important human connection is for these babies. And it's pretty evident you're good with babies. They're really calm around you. If you're at all interested, we really need more foster parents, and I'd love to talk to you about any questions you might have."

Again, I didn't feel pressured by her words – which was weird, because normally I could sniff out a 'hard sell'. Instead, I just felt a lot of peace. I thought for a minute.

"Umm… if I wanted to… think about it a little bit more… could I ask for more information from you? It's a lot to think about…" I asked tentatively.

"Of course. There's a lot of available information – I can pretty much guarantee you that, any questions you might have, have been asked by somebody else before. And we're prepared for people having those questions." She pulled a business card out of her pocket, and wrote on the back of it.

"This is our website, and if you go to the foster-adopt FAQs, you'll find a lot of your questions answered there. I encourage people to read all of them, because there may be questions you haven't thought of, that other people have asked. Then if you've got more questions, give me a call… I'll be glad to answer whatever I can."

I nodded, accepting the card from her and setting down the empty bottle in my hand. The baby boy was sound asleep, and I got up to take him to his crib. As I walked, rather than feeling anxious, I suddenly imagined myself walking a baby girl to her bed – in my home – every night. And it filled me with a surprising warmth and calm, rather than anxiety.

"The process for foster parenting is kind of long, but when we need emergency temporary shelter, a simple background check is all that is needed for being in our AngelCare Network – I'm sure you've already done a background check for your job. We often have people qualify as an AngelCare providers first, so that they can bring a child into their home while they're in the process of completing their foster certification. And if they decide not to go through foster certification, they can still be emergency care providers for children. Just something to think about, if you'd like to consider your options. You would be able to take your little girl home a lot sooner, and still have time to decide what you want to do long-term."

_Your little girl…_ yep, that tugged at my heart-strings.

I smiled, as I walked over to another crib and changed a baby's diaper before picking it up to rock it for a while. "Thanks. You've given me a lot to think about… I have to say, I wouldn't have even considered it a few weeks ago. But after spending time with these babies… it's sad to think about them not having a home." I paused. "And… apparently I'm… attached?" I raised an eyebrow and gave Brenda a sideways grin.

She laughed and went to find Elyse. After the baby in my arms was asleep, I went to get some lunch. On my way back from the cafeteria, I stopped by the gift shop. I had thought about this before, upon seeing the small plush toy in the window. But today I walked in, and picked up the soft pink bear. It looked like a baby scrunched up on its front with its tail in the air, eyes gently asleep, with a tiny plush halo and little wings on its back. It was mostly pink, and all fabric and stitching, so it was safe for babies. I realized I might be crossing some ethical line here, but I also felt like my heart was making a commitment. To what, I wasn't sure yet. But I decided right then and there that Squeaker needed an angel baby.

When I got back up to the unit, I didn't see Elyse. I went back and washed my hands and gowned again, as was required of the room. Then I picked up my small treasure, and went over to the bassinet to find a wiggling, squirming little baby girl. She wasn't crying, but I could tell she was working up to something. Tucking the toy under my arm, I picked her up and carried her to the rocking chair, settling in with her. I set her in my lap, her feet by my stomach, my hands cradling her head, so we could chat.

"Hey baby girl, did you miss me? I sure missed you…" Her eyes lit up, and she stared up at me with her little mouth open. It was almost as if I could see recognition in her eyes, like she knew me, and was glad to see me. "Yeah, you know who I am? I haven't gotten to see you in a few days, but I'm pretty sure you're getting bigger every time… Are they feeding you enough?" I stopped talking, and just watched her in wonder for a few minutes, but her tiny arms and legs started wiggling around. "Where are you going? Do you have somewhere to be? Or are you just practicing for later, when you start tae kwon do lessons?" She stilled as I spoke, watching back at me in wonder. I paused again, and she wiggled again.

We carried on this game for a while, my talking about random silly things to her, and her staring in wonder as I talked, and then my pausing, to which she would start wiggling. It was so fun to recognize such a simple connection with this tiny human. I remembered the tiny toy next to me, and pulled it out, having removed the tags by the sink.

"Look at this, baby girl… what is that? Is it pretty? That's your angel baby. He's gonna stay with you. He's really soft, see?" Her little face made no recognition of the toy, but instead her eyes remained fixed on mine. I reached up with the tiny bear, and gently stroked the side of her face with the soft plush material. Her eyelids drifted shut, as her cheeks reflexively pulled back as if to grin. Her eyes opened again, and I repeated the motion with the toy, her eyelids drifting again in response. It was so precious, and I was loving the moment we were sharing. As often happened, though, I was unaware I had an audience.

Three women were standing in the doorway – one grinning approvingly, one in awe, and one with tears swimming in her eyes. Elyse had seen this before, so her grin acknowledged what she already knew about me. Brenda was in awe, probably confirming what she had witnessed earlier. And Gabby – who had arrived to give me a ride home – was apparently moved by what she was witnessing.

"I told you he's a natural…" Elyse murmured.

"He is so hooked!" Brenda said quietly to Elyse.

"Awww…" Gabby cooed, and took a few strides toward me. I was a little sheepish at being caught in such a personal moment with my favorite little person, but I was suddenly happy and excited to share the moment with Gabby.

"You need a bottle for her, Matt?" Elyse asked, the grin still on her face.

"Yeah, that was next on my list…" I replied. Gabby came and looked over my shoulder, resting her hand on my arm, and looking down into the face of the sweet baby girl with me.

"Hey there, Squeaker… Is Casey spoiling you again?"

I chuckled. "I don't know that it's spoiling… we're just bonding. Kind of having a glorified staring contest," I attempted to downplay the moment.

"Well," she cooed, still talking to the baby, "I'll agree, he is pretty amazing to stare at… you got good taste, little one!"

I laughed, as I shifted the baby to my shoulder, rearranging in order to feed her a bottle.

"Let me get her fed and settled, and then we can go," I told Gabby.

"Take your time. The girls said you've been having a good time up here today," she said pointedly, raising her eyebrows with a smile. I wondered what they had talked about with me out of earshot.

"Yeah… lots to think about…"

"Really?" Gabby said, sounding pleasantly surprised. But since I wasn't exactly sure what she was thinking I was thinking about, I didn't want to show my hand too soon.

"Yeah… I would love to just sit down and talk when we get home. I'd love your advice and insight." I knew that left a lot to her imagination for the moment, but Gabby just smiled and said "OK".

A/N: I'm trying to pick up the pace of the story, and find a "wrap up" point. I love this story, but I am ready to give it closure, and move on to some new ideas. Thanks for all the ideas you're giving me via reviews and PMs! And I want to hear your thoughts on this chapter… please review! I can tell lots of people are reading, buy my reviews have really fallen off the last few chapters. Have you lost that lovin' feeling? Tired, ready for me to be done with this story? Or afraid to share your opinion? Please, do not fear… even if you just want to leave a smiley face or something… let me know you're reading by leaving a review! It is the author's "milk and cookies"! -MH


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N:** Okay friends… if you're still with me… it was time for me to WRAP this story! So I chose to do a little bit of fast-forward, and share an Epilogue with you. Not the original ending I had imagined, but this is a fluffy little 'happy ending' for Hope. *Hope*fully, I've accomplished my goal, in presenting a "future and a hope" for Casey… and his "family"! Read and enjoy!

Chapter 24 – Epilogue

My home was a rather spartan living environment… not cluttered at all, very clean lines, and just enough furniture to qualify as cozy, but not so stark as to be unfinished. There was something to be said for being in the construction business and having a well-appointed home. It was like my calling card, if anyone should wander in, in need of my services. My home needed to look like I knew what I was doing.

So there was plenty of room for the addition of the baby swing and the portable playpen in the living area. There weren't a lot of toys yet, but a subtle brown basket beneath an end table was a well-disguised place for them. And it didn't take too much rearranging to include the glider rocker – a welcome-home gift from Gabby – in the arrangement.

When we brought Piper home, she was six weeks old. I hadn't even been approved as a foster parent yet, but we came home as an "Angel Care" family, and in the weeks following, I was approved as a foster parent. I had already been told I would be first in line to adopt her, if I chose to do so. But since she didn't have a name, I got to name her. A search of Scandanavian languages – my family's heritage – found that the word "squeak" translated to the word "piper". I loved the name, and when I suggested it to Gabby, she loved it too, without even knowing the connection to my nickname. She cried when I told her it meant "squeak" in Norwegian.

She was christened Piper Elyse when she was three months old, in a small ceremony in the chapel at the back of Gabby's church. Our friends threw us the most incredible shower, and what we hadn't gotten from the Foster Care worker when we brought her home, our friends provided. We had car seats for every stage, a high chair, another rocker for the nursery, and some beautiful white pieces of furniture to go along with the crib I was hand-crafting for her room. At the moment, she was small enough to stay in the bassinet next to Gabby and I in our bedroom. It made getting up with her during the night easier… but she didn't get up very often. She would wake once during the night, around 2 or 3 am, and she would easily rock back to sleep with a bottle.

We have an endless supply of friends and family who want to babysit, so we haven't had to pay for childcare yet. It's nice when all your friends and family (with the exception of Hermann) are either at the pre-kids or kids-all-grown-up stages, and they want to share yours. Brenda was really encouraging adoption, and I knew I had time to think about it. At this moment, I couldn't imagine my life without her. She was such a good baby, and she had stolen my heart. Gabby was starting to encourage me toward adoption, too. At first this surprised me, but she always spoke of "us" keeping Piper. And I knew there was only one way I even wanted to consider that.

I couldn't believe how epically cool I felt walking into the mall pushing a stroller. Of course, it was a stroller made by the Jeep Corporation, and looked like it belonged off-roading on a mountain, but that was nothing compared to the precious cargo it held. It really was true – babies were a chick magnet, and just about every woman, from age 12 on up, stopped us to coo at my smiling baby girl with the bright blue eyes. She was captivating. But we kept moving… we were on a mission.

You'd be surprised at the strange looks you get when you – a guy – walk into a jewelry story, with a baby. And then you tell them you're there to look at rings. Yep, I almost felt bad that their expressions and their tone seemed to change when I explained I was a foster parent to this baby. But they weren't going to dampen our spirits. I didn't even care that Piper was sliming their pretty display cases with her drool and baby hand prints… her eyes were huge and sparkling as she admired all the shiny things.

I made sure I had her approval on the solitaire I chose… I even put three in front of her, and she grabbed for the one I had been thinking of. I snatched it back from her before she could ingest it, as it had headed straight for her mouth. While the sales person was boxing it up, I glanced over at a little case on the end with gifts for baby, and special trinkets commemorating adoption. Shifting Piper to my other hip, I held her so that I could see her face. Her tiny hands patted my stubbled cheeks, and she babbled happily, grinning at me. I could never help but return the smile, and I chattered with her as we got ready to leave.

"Now listen here, little lady, this is our secret, okay? I'll even let you wear one of those fancy dresses Aunt Christy bought for you… We'll have a special dinner and everything. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right." As we walked out of the mall, just the two of us, I couldn't help but chuckle at how cheezy I felt right then, because it really *did* feel like I was walking on a cloud.

As I buckled my baby girl into the back seat of the new truck (I had to add a family-friendly SUV to the Casey Construction fleet, for more seating room), I smiled at her. "What do you think, Piper? Are you ready to be a 'forever family' with me and Gabby?" She just grinned back, kicking her feet, and stuffing her angel baby's wing in her mouth.

****FIN****

A/N: Well, there you have it! My first attempt at fanfic! In the future, I will try to write less drivel, be a more consistent poster, and possibly write more before beginning to post. IDK… I'm still learning the ropes at this writing thing. The three-week hiatus for CF on television has given me opportunity to revisit the first 17 episodes, and it is giving me lots of good story ideas! Please send feedback on this story, and other ideas you might have! Thanks for reading and supporting me! -The Mad Hatteras


End file.
